Frustration

[PacificRim]

Hi, long story short. Me and my husband have been together for 7 years. Married for 5 and we have a 5 year old child who means the work to me. I am 34 and my husband is 8 years younger then me. My husband is military and it was our decision before he joint. I have been supporting him at that and the both of us have been really close till about 3 years ago when he decided to move us to one of the countries I really didn't want to go and he knew about it. I was living in the Uk for 3 years by then and I wanted to become a british citizen so I had to wait 2 more years and if I moved away I would have to start from the beginning. Even then - when he came home and with the smug look on his face said: 'We're moving to Germany - this was my first posting option', I thought to myself that It's cool - he pissed me off but still - he's my husband and I will make the most of it. It was shit! The place we lived in was secluded and empty - as in - no people around. We needed a second car but my husband decided to save at the time. We had 2 busses going to town. Once I four a job me and my baby used to give my husband a lift to work, go back home and finish getting ready, take my child to school and then I would go to work. I did this every morning. Then pick my husband up from work. One day we were starting at the same time and my husband was taking ages to get ready - when I asked him to hurry up cuz I don't want to be late he said It's not like I'm doing anything important anyway so I should chill. Never mind, I thought. Every time I wanted to have a conversation with him he would say he's not interested cuz I take forever to explain what I mean - I am foreign, btw and English is my second language which he knew when he met me. It got to the point when I started to think why am I even supporting him? He did not give a damn about me or our ONLY child and was more of a pain in the ass then a supportive man. He would always check my mail, phone, get angry if I spoke to someone at work who wanted to talk to me and was interested in what I actually have to say. He has never taught our son anything and he's 5. I decided to end this. I wanted to move back to the UK and don't get me wrong I still loved him but I was so frustrated with the whole environment and the way he was treating me and our child that I said enough! And then ... I couldn't move back to the UK cuz I have been told I am not british and at the same time my husband and I decided to give it another go. He said he would change and be a better dad and a husband support me and my goals and I knew it would be better if our baby had a daddy. I was so pissed off - I think I am still very angry. We are back in the UK now but our relationship is struggling in my eyes. My husband is still checking the history on my laptop and my phone, he has this need to constantly hug me and say he loves my to the extend that the word sounds like Hello to me and when I move from one spot to another I can be sure he will be standing behind me trying to hug me. I feel so frustrated. I am not a bad person and he is not either but I feel I am suffocating. He says I never come to him to have sex, but he is all over me every second of the day and I don't even feel attracted to him at all. I just want to run away, I need space - like A LOT OF SPACE. I love him and I want space - I am so confused I don't know what to do.

[smackie9]

I can't help you, but I will make a suggestion.....you both need to seek out a marriage counselor. Having a professional there will help guide you on how to work on expectations, needs, and teach you both how to compromise. You have a lot going on that needs to be addressed like his lack of trust. No one should have a need to monitor their partner's email, messages and phone calls. Best of luck.

[PacificRim]

Thank you i think It's a good idea. We went through this sort of thing right after we got back together. It was done through the army. I just feel so bad cuz I love my husband - he will always be a part of my family no matter what and I can't imagine not being a part of his life but at the same time I feel like maybe the age difference is showing now and that we somehow feel more like friends rather then lovers (don't get me wrong, my husband is really attractive) and at the same time I think that it's easy to break up and then regret it. Is this possible? I think professional help would be the best.

[smackie9]

With counseling, it can also help you make an educated decision whether to be together or not, and then work through the separation.

[fearoflove]

Men are douchebags and become worse douchebags in a marriage. Not all but many are. This is why women should never put herself in a situation where you have to rely on men in any sort of way, especially financially or let him take you to a place away from your family and supportive resources. Ensure you are financially independent, especially within a marriage. Men can be very irresponsible and make horrible decisions. Some feel no sense of responsibility for the women they marry or the children they have. Don't make the mistake of relying on one or fall for his promises.