Does he like me, or doesn't he like me? - (Confusing)

[fedup]

I've got an online friend, we met on a music website around 5 years ago, I'm 35, he's 45.

Just lately we've got closer, writing more often and in more depth about our lives / problems etc. Before then we used to share songs and write a few lines to each other only now and again.

He consistently had a habit of being slow to reply or even sometimes not replying at all, he has a very demanding job but I did think it somewhat rude but it wasn't uppermost in my mind, I just got on with my life.

Last year he didn't reply again after we had been happily talking, my questions went unanswered, so I kind of wrote the friendship off in my mind and moved on and began to forget about it.

Then several weeks ago he messaged me to say he was sorry he'd been so quiet for so long but it was because he'd been seriously ill with a tumour (he's going to be OK), so I of course said it's OK, I'm just glad you're going to be OK.

Then we start exchanging lots of enjoyable messages, and he tells me ''I always think of you as a good friend even though I barely know you, which means I care'', and ''sorry I'm always slow to reply''. I've always been drawn to him, always thought he was cool, we have so much in common (big things and small things) that it's extraordinary. I sent him a picture of myself, to which he replied that I look ''really great'' and ''so good'' and that he's going to be in London this year (he's from Switzerland) and do I want to meet? He had said previously in passing before I sent my picture that he is crazy-busy this year with work and that he's lazy when it comes to making travelling plans.

A consistent feeling / sense I've had throughout our communication from the beginning, is that he keeps doing this thing of not replying so eventually I conclude that he's just not that into me, or I get paranoid I said something annoying (it did hurt a little each time he did it) but then it's always him who restarts the contact and he's warm and kind when he comes back. This has always taken me by surprise and somewhat confused me.

So we agreed to meet up, I told him I'd love to meet him. We were all set and cool, and a few days later I sent him a song I thought he'd like, and just a quick line to say hi, and to ask how it's going.

That was 3 weeks ago and absolutely zilch reply. I see him come online and talk to other people on Twitter.

Why is he ignoring me? It's making me feel like crap. Do you think he's married?

Edited to add - he's Swiss German, I know generalizations are stupid but apparently it's quite a strong cultural thing there that the men are often cold / reserved / need coaxing out of their shell when it comes to women. There's a joke - ''what's the dating scene like in Switzerland? There is no dating scene in Switzerland''.

[Wakeup]

I've got an online friend, we met on a music website around 5 years ago, I'm 35, he's 45.

Just lately we've got closer, writing more often and in more depth about our lives / problems etc. Before then we used to share songs and write a few lines to each other only now and again.

He consistently had a habit of being slow to reply or even sometimes not replying at all, he has a very demanding job but I did think it somewhat rude but it wasn't uppermost in my mind, I just got on with my life.

Last year he didn't reply again after we had been happily talking, my questions went unanswered, so I kind of wrote the friendship off in my mind and moved on and began to forget about it.

Then several weeks ago he messaged me to say he was sorry he'd been so quiet for so long but it was because he'd been seriously ill with a tumour (he's going to be OK), so I of course said it's OK, I'm just glad you're going to be OK.

Then we start exchanging lots of enjoyable messages, and he tells me ''I always think of you as a good friend even though I barely know you, which means I care'', and ''sorry I'm always slow to reply''. I've always been drawn to him, always thought he was cool, we have so much in common (big things and small things) that it's extraordinary. I sent him a picture of myself, to which he replied that I look ''really great'' and ''so good'' and that he's going to be in London this year (he's from Switzerland) and do I want to meet? He had said previously in passing before I sent my picture that he is crazy-busy this year with work and that he's lazy when it comes to making travelling plans.

A consistent feeling / sense I've had throughout our communication from the beginning, is that he keeps doing this thing of not replying so eventually I conclude that he's just not that into me, or I get paranoid I said something annoying (it did hurt a little each time he did it) but then it's always him who restarts the contact and he's warm and kind when he comes back. This has always taken me by surprise and somewhat confused me.

So we agreed to meet up, I told him I'd love to meet him. We were all set and cool, and a few days later I sent him a song I thought he'd like, and just a quick line to say hi, and to ask how it's going.

That was 3 weeks ago and absolutely zilch reply. I see him come online and talk to other people on Twitter.

Why is he ignoring me? It's making me feel like crap. Do you think he's married?

Edited to add - he's Swiss German, I know generalizations are stupid but apparently it's quite a strong cultural thing there that the men are often cold / reserved / need coaxing out of their shell when it comes to women. There's a joke - ''what's the dating scene like in Switzerland? There is no dating scene in Switzerland''.

You're putting far too much value on a man that you don't even know. Someone who treats you fine when he fancies to and indifferent when you're the initiator which by human nature makes you try harder to make him like you. This is how players work their magic on you, dear so consider his behaviour your first RED flag. The more he goes away leaving you feeling less then you should to him and then comes back and boosts your adrenalin, the more he primes you for sex when he arrives.

You have him on a undeserved pedestal and I suggest that if he actually comes through with his travel plans that you forget all your online chats and just consider this your first introduction to a man you know NOTHING about... because that is exactly who you will be meeting. Keep your self away from sex with him unless you just want a quick romp with a stranger who will more chance then not, never see you again. Be sure you're safe and he's not the seventh separation of Jack the Ripper.

Bottom line: Take him down off that pedestal. He's not in any way shape or form shown you in actions that he deserves that spot.

P.S. Have you even seen this dude on cam? If not, suggest it and if he declines or gives any type of excuse why he can't/won't then consider that RED flag No. 2 from someone you don't even know.

[Lord Darkshire]

If you are finding yourself here asking about a guy you have never been on a date with or even have met for that matter, you are wasting your time.

I agree with Wakeup you are putting too much value in this guy.