A guy in need of advice - girls who kiss a lot of random guys?

[KingZ]

I would scoff at the stupidity, but if someone said something blatantly false and other people started saying "Hey, he's right!", I would get annoyed and I would try to reason with them. Especially if the false thing that lots of people believe in is targeting another group of people.

It's arguably less harmful than promiscuity itself. Him simply saying or thinking something wrong is clearly less harmful than promiscuous behavior.

Besides, haven't we already established that promiscuity is immoral in that other thread? When are you going to get tired of being wrong?

[searock]

Lol, I don't think we'll ever agree on the subjective vs objective morality thing. Sure, promiscuity is harmful in that it spreads diseases and generates uncared for offspring if no protection and birth control are used, but targeting a group of people based solely on their sexual preferences (or any other personality or physical trait) is just as harmful, as it leads to -isms.

[KingZ]

That's kind of absurd. You can't compare personality traits and physical traits and liken it to racism/sexism, because you can't control physical traits. You can, however, choose to keep your dick in your pants, especially when you know ahead of time that the end result will be disposing of the other person and moving onto the next one.

[searock]

especially when you know ahead of time that the end result will be disposing of the other person and moving onto the next one.

Wait, in this case we are talking about someone that uses other people and doesn't respect them. I was merely talking about people who engage in casual sex, and this group includes people that are honest and upfront about it, do not use other people and are good-intentioned.

[michelle23]

Lol protection doesn't work for most people. Being on birth control or using condoms only reduces the risk of pregnancy and STD. Most people I know got pregnant on the pill. And even if it did completely protect you from that-it doesn't protect you from the emotions that naturally come with sex. And it doesnt change the fact that promiscious people are usually trying to escape their own demons-a cry for help, needing attention, trying to feel loved, ego boost to help soothe insecurity/low self esteem etc etc

thats not being judgemental. Thats just trying to understand why people do what they do and its usually for all the wrong reasons. Not just coz they like sex and want to orgasm. We can all orgasm without having sex or we can do it with someone we actually care about.

Sex addiction is defined as: sex without love. Look it up

[searock]

Sex addiction is different from having slept with guys outside of a relationship. And while it might be true that in most cases people who sleep around are addicted and have low self esteem and all that, not all of them are.

It's like gambling. Sure, lots of people that gamble have an addiction and lots of issues, but there are some people who just enjoy doing it once in a while, and there's nothing wrong with them.

[KingZ]

It's like gambling. Sure, lots of people that gamble have an addiction and lots of issues, but there are some people who just enjoy doing it once in a while, and there's nothing wrong with them.

Funny, how you associated increased occurrence with an increased likeliness of personal issues...

How dare you. Judgmental bitch! :)

[michelle23]

Sex addiction is different from having slept with guys outside of a relationship. And while it might be true that in most cases people who sleep around are addicted and have low self esteem and all that, not all of them are.

It's like gambling. Sure, lots of people that gamble have an addiction and lots of issues, but there are some people who just enjoy doing it once in a while, and there's nothing wrong with them.

I didn't say "all". I said "usually". Some people only sleep around when they are heart broken and rebounding. Again they dont do it all the time but they are doing it because they are emotionally dysfunctional.

[searock]

Funny, how you associated increased occurrence with an increased likeliness of personal issues...

How dare you. Judgmental bitch!

You're right! I take it back. Even those who do it often may not have any personal issue.

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I didn't say "all". I said "usually". Some people only sleep around when they are heart broken and rebounding. Again they dont do it all the time but they are doing it because they are emotionally dysfunctional.

I am disagreeing with Confused only because he is implying that all people who sleep around have issues and lack integrity. Had he said "lots of them do it because they lack integrity, BUT others do it simply because they enjoy it (or are at a low point in their lives or whatever) and there's nothing wrong with that", I wouldn't be here now :-).

[michelle23]

Well I agree with you that it has nothing to do with integrity. Integrity is about being honest, owning your actions, taking responsibility, not intentionally setting out to hurt others, being upfront about your intentions etc..

But I do think its dysfunctional and unhealthy to use sex as a way to soothe your own issues etc and promiscuity is a symptom of deeper issues IMO

[KingZ]

But I do think its dysfunctional and unhealthy to use sex as a way to soothe your own issues etc and promiscuity is a symptom of deeper issues IMO

Searock is about to go America all over your ass.

Though, I honestly don't understand why she plays the role of Defender of the Promiscuous.

[searock]

Searock is about to go America all over your ass.

I lol'ed

Though, I honestly don't understand why she plays the role of Defender of the Promiscuous.

I would play the role of Defender of the Virgins if someone started assigning lack of integrity, lack of self-respect, insecurity issues etc on them based solely on the fact that they are virgins... I guess group-targeting generalizations are a pet peeve of mine.

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Well I agree with you that it has nothing to do with integrity. Integrity is about being honest, owning your actions, taking responsibility, not intentionally setting out to hurt others, being upfront about your intentions etc..

Yep, yep :-).

But I do think its dysfunctional and unhealthy to use sex as a way to soothe your own issues etc and promiscuity is a symptom of deeper issues IMO

It is dysfunctional and unhealthy to use sex as a way to soothe your own issues. As for the second part of your statement, I guess it would depend on the definition of "promiscuous". If it's something like "sleeping around with no regard for other people's feelings, using people, getting drunk and not even knowing who you are sleeping with" and so on, then we agree. If it's simply "engaging in no strings attached sex while sober with sober, consenting adults that are perfectly aware that it is no strings attached sex", then I guess I disagree .

[michelle23]

Lol I dont get it though. Your not promiscuos and never have been. You obviously have your reasons for that and you don't want to date a guy who is either so it doesn't make much sense that your defending it.

But my point is that its never NSA even if they both agree that it is. It always gets messy and complicated at some point

[KingZ]

Searock, why do you choose to not engage in promiscuous behavior?

[searock]

Lol I dont get it though. Your not promiscuos and never have been. You obviously have your reasons for that and you don't want to date a guy who is either so it doesn't make much sense that your defending it.

Let's put it this way... say I like to cut my hair short. If someone started saying "girls with short hair are ALL lesbians, they ALL lack self respect, they ALL hate men", and so on... I would be just as annoyed. I just don't like people generalizing and associating moral characteristics to a whole group of people based on things that mean nothing per se.

But my point is that its never NSA even if they both agree that it is. It always gets messy and complicated at some point

I'm not so sure about this. If it's a one time thing, it's unlikely that feelings are going to develop. I do agree that the whole "friends with benefits" arrangement very rarely works out. I'm amazed so many people actually believe that "for us, it will be different".

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Searock, why do you choose to not engage in promiscuous behavior?

Because up till now I've never felt the need/want to.