A guy in need of advice - girls who kiss a lot of random guys?

[Confused367]

Ok so, I got a question that's pretty simple and straightforward. I tried online dating and it's not half bad. I put up an add that said I'm looking for a decent, nice girl, one who doesn't participate in short flings, and has integrity and enough self respect not to kiss random guys in clubs and engage in flings for the heck of it. Basically a girl who respects herself.

Now, a girl answered my add and seemed nice but after a while she asked me about my love life. The short story is, I never had one. Why? Let's just say that life put a lot of barriers in my way, that prevented me from achieving a serious relationship (I never had a fling or anything, I would not engage in casual sex or some such, it's just the kind of person I am). Now, that doesn't really bother me. I don't lack confidence or anything. I've been dating for a good amount of time now, and am actively looking for a serious girlfriend, but no luck so far.

However, when she was done asking me, it was my turn to ask And that's when I really got shocked. This girl is 20 years old, and is actually a virgin, but...she says she has kissed almost 30 different guys. So, she's 20 years old and has so far kissed almost 30 guys. She says she was never in a relationship with any of them, and that they just kissed, usually on the 2nd date. But, she ws not in a relationship with any of them, she said so herself. Now, I didn't come here to ask if this is normal, because I know it's not. As far as I am concerned, I have already scratched this girl off my potential girlfriend list. Because there's absolutely no way I'm putting my tongue anywhere near her mouth, because that is seriously disgusting. My stomach turned a bit when she told me this, and I'm not even kidding.

What I am here to ask is basically very simple - does every girl kiss random guys they just met at a club, or kiss a ton of guys they don't even want a relationship with? Because what I am looking for is a girl with enough integrity and self respect not to do these things. I honestly don't want a girl like that. I'm not overly religious, or narrow minded, as a matter of fact, I'm quite an open person, but stuff like this is seriously disgusting.

I live in Europe by the way. Is there any chance for a good, decent guy with integrity to find a girl that doesn't do this kind of disgusting stuff? Kissing is not a problem, but when girls kiss random guys that they don't even want to be with, I honestly can't stomach that. I'm not judging anyone, but these kinds of girls are certainly not good enough for me. They have no respect for themselves primarily, and have even less respect for men that they date, and I am not a toy, so yeah. I want a girl who doesn't do this kind of stuff. Do all girls do this or what? I would say no, but as I am not that experienced at dating, I want to ask those who have more information on this than I do.

[basilandthyme]

OMG, you are TOTALLY judging them. And that's OK, it's your prerogative to be this way - just don't try and pass yourself off as open minded.

I suggest you change your dating profile to say that you want girls who are conservative and have self respect. Most women will be more than able to read between the lines on that one.

[lalalita]

I agree. Go with "conservative". When I was 20, not only had I slept with a numerous amount of men, I had also kissed my very fair share. I think it's perfectly normal and has nothing to do with self respect.

[free_radicals]

I'm exactly the type of guy that you are. I'd be very close to writing her off if she was 20 and kissed 30 guys, but I'd be curious as to in what type of situations this was. Was it getting drunk and kissing anyone at the party? If so, bye bye. If it was about her being very active in dating? I don't know, maybe. But I'd still be skeptical and very uncomfortable being with someone like that. But at the same time, I think some young guys and girls alike, have this kind of "open" personality, then settle down after they get older. If she's still going through that kind of phase, I'd back away ASAP, as she may hang around you for a while, then realize she's not ready for a relationship, and you can end up getting hurt. If she's passed this phase, then it's your call, but I'd be very skeptical and proceed with caution.

[searock]

Now, I didn't come here to ask if this is normal, because I know it's not. As far as I am concerned, I have already scratched this girl off my potential girlfriend list. Because there's absolutely no way I'm putting my tongue anywhere near her mouth, because that is seriously disgusting. My stomach turned a bit when she told me this, and I'm not even kidding.

Wow. I want to puke just by reading this, and I'm not even kidding...

I'm not overly religious, or narrow minded, as a matter of fact, I'm quite an open person, but stuff like this is seriously disgusting.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Stop equating "girl that has never kissed someone she wasn't in a relationship with" with "girl that has self respect". Kissing hot strangers in clubs has got nothing to do with self respect.

If you want a girl that shares your "values", you need to write it on your dating profile.

[Valixy]

You're right, not every girl has kissed 30 guys or so until they're 20, but they most probably have had a boyfriend by then.

Look at the bright side, OP. She is probably a great kisser now

[Confused367]

Valixy: Of course they had a boyfriend by 20, that's perfectly normal, but having kissed almost 30 guys by age 20 is most certainly not. And I don't care how good of a kisser she is. My tongue isn't getting anywhere near her mouth.

Searock: Well go puke, I almost did And yes, self respect is a character trait that has a lot to do with not sticking your tongue in some random stranger's mouth. And then you wanna kiss me with that mouth? Fat chance buddy. If a woman is like that, but tries to act all fancy and innocent, I'm not buying it. Sorry. That's just my opinion though. But one thing I noticed is that it's usually people that are promiscuous and lack integrity and self respect themselves that usually step in to defend their own kind.

Basilandthyme: I am open minded, but to a degree. I'm not the type to wait til marriage to have sex. I'm not the type to think that monogamy is in our nature. But we're not animals either. Animals will have sex with each other simply on impulse, because instincts dictate that they should do so. But it's obvious that humans can control their instincts, unlike animals. If you really wanna kiss something like 30 guys by age 20, then I'm sorry to say, but what makes you different from the pair of dogs that I saw just today? The dogs have never seen each other before, and they went for it almost immediately. Any person with dignity and self respect will choose whom he/she kisses or intimately interacts with, and will do so carefully, not on impulse like an animal whenever they get the urge. In sex, I'm willing to be flexible - if my girl suggests anal sex, well ok, I guess I can try it. Sex toys? Heck, ok if that's what she wants. I'm not into sex toys, but I'd be willing to try something new, why not. I'm not against poligamy. But 30 guys by age 20? Sorry, but there's a word for this kind of girl. Please don't take any offense, but there are limits to this stuff.

[sssspanos]

If you want to achieve a true relationship you need to overcome some barriers you are responsible for...

- You need a girl, that's why you are in the site. You will want her to kiss you - yet you consider a kiss a disgusting action.
- in the age of 20 this girl could have easily 5-10-20 real past lovers, not just kissers. Get used to it and find your share. It will help you learn to kiss or have sex better...

If someone has problems in this issue it's not this girl.

Have a nice day

[Confused367]

If you want to achieve a true relationship you need to overcome some barriers you are responsible for...

- You need a girl, that's why you are in the site. You will want her to kiss you - yet you consider a kiss a disgusting action.
- in the age of 20 this girl could have easily 5-10-20 real past lovers, not just kissers. Get used to it and find your share. It will help you learn to kiss or have sex better...

If someone has problems in this issue it's not this girl.

Have a nice day

Yes, I do need a girlfriend. And you are obviously a troll. I never said a kiss is disgusting, far from it. I'm just saying my mouth isn't going anywhere near a girl who's kissed 30 guys, period. And no, I'm not getting used to it, but thanks for the advice. It's not normal for most people to have kissed 30 guys by the age of 20.

And yes, 30 guys in her mouth is certainly an issue for me, obviously. There's over 3 billion women on this planet, and I know I can find something better, so why would I bother with this girl? Like I said in the first post, she's already off the list. I have enough choice not to have to resort to being with a person like her, or anyone like her. Thank you very much. As far as my future girlfriend is concerned, I did not come here to ask for help in finding her. I am capable of doing that on my own.

[searock]

Dude, you keep equating being promiscuous with being somewhat a lesser human being than non-promiscuous people. It's so two centuries ago.

It has nothing to do with self respect. If I enjoy kissing - and even sleeping with! - random strangers in clubs, and nobody gets hurt in the process, then I respect myself if I follow my heart's desire and do it. I wouldn't be respecting myself if I were subjecting myself to antiquated moralistic bigotries such as the ones you preach.

If you want a girl that is as bigoted as you are, I repeat: you need to put it in your profile. It's a really easy solution actually, I'm amazed (sarcasm) that you still haven't figured it out by yourself.

[Confused367]

Searock: Those are your words mate, not mine. I never called anyone a lesser human being. Sleep with anyone you like, it's not like I care.

Call me a bigot if you want, that's fine by me. But being different in the way I think about sex and intimacy doesn't make me a bigot, it makes me different.

[free_radicals]

Dude, you keep equating being promiscuous with being somewhat a lesser human being than non-promiscuous people. It's so two centuries ago. It has nothing to do with self respect.

I agree with you on this. I used to have the same thoughts as the OP, but it actually comes down to what people value. And there's no right or wrong answer. Some people, like the OP and myself value long-term relationships and don't engage in random kissing/sex because that's not what we value. Other people, perhaps as yourself, do not necessarily value these things as much as people like the OP and myself. Is there anything wrong with it? No. It really doesn't have anything to do with self-respect. It's just values and emotions. Some people get emotionally attached with kissing, and some don't.

It has nothing to do with self respect. If I enjoy kissing - and even sleeping with! - random strangers in club, and nobody gets hurt in the process, then I respect myself if I follow my heart's desire and do it. I wouldn't be respecting myself if I were subjecting myself to antiquated moralistic bigotries such as the ones you preach. If you want a girl that is as bigoted as you are, I repeat: you need to put it in your profile. It's a really easy solution actually, I'm amazed (sarcasm) that you still haven't figured it out by yourself.

searock, I think you're mistaken, certainly someone can get hurt- you don't know these people and they can pull out a knife or gun on you (if you sleep with them). But no need to go off on the OP about his beliefs. Let him be, and he will figure it out.

[smackie9]

I agree. Go with "conservative". When I was 20, not only had I slept with a numerous amount of men, I had also kissed my very fair share. I think it's perfectly normal and has nothing to do with self respect.

I did too! and I resent anyone judging me for being independent and confident in my self to do what I wanted.

[Confused367]

Another thing about "no one gets hurt": yes, people do get hurt, Searock. If you have a fling with a girl and she falls in love with you, and you turn her down after a fling, then yes, you'll hurt her feelings. Very often, Searock, people do this out of insecurity and complexes. They do it because they have been hurt themselves and now are looking for payback sometimes. Why is it that you feel the need to sleep with a lot of women? Do you need an ego boost because you're insecure? I know a ton of "players", Searock. Most of them are insecure, and those who are not insecure, used to be. I'm a guy. I hang out in male company. I know all of their insecurities. I see it every day. And guess what...I'm not insecure. I have no need to validate myself through promiscuity.

[smackie9]

Sure some will do it to validate themselves....but it's not like that for everyone. I enjoyed it because it was pleasurable and fun, and I`m sure there are others that feel the same way, especially guys. Ones perception is not always accurate.

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And at times will dramatically limit their options.