What is your opinion on opening the door of communication with my ex?

[elephantgirl]

So - I haven't talked to my ex since April. Our break up was semi-mutual & I haven't talked to him since he said we will probably never get back together.

This has been the best break up I have ever been in because I have been dealing with it progressively and it was all for the best.

I want your opinions.

I've noticed the past 2 weeks that although I don't want to date this guy I found myself still rather "heart broken"/hurt. I felt rejected, pushed off to the side, I felt I meant nothing to him and easily disposable because although we didn't want to break up we knew we had to. He just seemed to not care about anything. Although, I didn't want to date him I felt I still had to get over him you know? I felt that wasn't the case for him but that was me assuming as he reassured me it hasn't been like turning off a switch it has been a process for him, too.

Yesterday, I had to message him because I found something of his that was really important to him. Told him to come pick it up but I made sure I wasn't home. I asked if he was mad at me and he said no, I thought you were mad at me. I just expressed that I felt like the time we had together meant nothing to him because I haven't heard from him in so long. All our other friends are in touch with their exes and I was just waiting to hear back from him, which never happened. He told me he felt it wasn't his place to reach out because he thought I wanted him out of my life (that's what I thought he wanted so that's why I didn't reach out) - turns out we both don't feel like that. I explained to him I don't let people in easily, even my best friends I don't confide in but I let him in and I found it upsetting to have to push him out when I don't let anyone in. I know there are no more romantic feelings towards him but he has made a big impact on my life and perhaps by being in contact I can slowly transition into pushing him out and not letting him in. I've already adjusted well but I think I just felt rejected and that hurt. I already started to see someone else who I actually really like and may go ahead and date when the timing is right.

After my ex said he would be accepting to us talking I had to mention that I need him to reach out sometimes and he agreed he would.

Idk. What do you guys think? I've never agreed to exes being part of each others lives. The guy I am seeing actually he was with a girl for 7 years and they broke up 6 months ago and they are not friends but they are still in contact and I guess he kind of inspired me to do the same.

[KingZ]

I was wondering when we'd hear back from you!

Don't be naïve. He's an ex for a reason. The quicker you cut him, the quicker you'll be able to get over this:

I don't want to date this guy I found myself still rather "heart broken"/hurt.

[basilandthyme]

If you are likely to find yourself socialising with some of the same people, it's good to be able to be civil to each other. But if you're not going to run into him, then leave it alone. Can't see any use in staying friends with an ex unless you need to be civil for the good of those around you.

[michelle23]

First of all its a red flag that new guy is still in contact with his ex. 7years is a long time and I doubt hes ready for a real relationship. My friend broke up with her bf a year ago and shes still not ready so dont be his rebound girl-especially since hes still in touch with her.

Dont be naive. Everyone here will tell you to go no contact with your ex, go your separate ways and move on. I know its hard to go from being so close to nothing but the relationship died and you need to grieve that loss alone, without him. Theres no quick fix. All you can do is feel the pain-allow yourself to hurt and when your ready that pain will fade until you feel strong enough and ready to meet someone new. Keeping in touch only delays that process, gives you a false sense of hope and holds you back.

So be strong and stay away. You can be civil if you bump into him. Theres no harm in saying hi and being friendly but you shouldn't be dwelling on the past, texting him, talking about the breakup and feelings etc.. instead write all your feelings down in a diary or talk to a friend. Hes not your emotional support anymore and you need to accept that.

[KingZ]

Don't be naïve.

Dont be naive.

Advice theft, I'm suing.

[Rowen]

I was wondering when we'd hear back from you!

I forget again...which one was she? The forums see so many stories I lose track... :S

[KingZ]

I forget again...which one was she? The forums see so many stories I lose track... :S

She's the fu​cking elephant.

[Rowen]

She's the fu​cking elephant.

Lmao That's really helpful

Found her first thread in The Broken Hearts Forum: [url]https://www.loveforum.net/threads/89734-My-EX-and-I-were-at-the-same-bar-on-Friday-night[/url]
Good eye, KingZ!

[michelle23]

Damn my phone wont let me access the link. Brief update please?

[KingZ]

Brief update please?

She's 5'0", 100 lbs. Hasn't posted a pic yet.

That's all that matters.

[michelle23]

I remember her but I cant remember what the deal was with her ex. I remember pc asking is she fat

[KingZ]

I remember her but I cant remember what the deal was with her ex. I remember pc asking is she fat

Nothing serious or even remotely interesting, really. Her and her ex had a completely standard, benign breakup and she's still feeling the pain (of course), but refuses to completely cut contact with him, even though it's the only way she'll actually get over it.

She's cool, though. Runs a business and does shit with elephants.

[michelle23]

Lol okay thanks. My advice above still applies

[masticate]

You have received no advice from a male in this "ask a male" forum so I am here to save the day:

They are right.

[elephantgirl]

Hahaha,

Gosh. 13 replies and I should've expected you two chatting.

We aren't going to be friends. And honestly, today I was thinking about it and I'm not ready to really talk to him and not really interested in hearing about his life. So, I'm sure when we talk on Thursday we will just talk and nothing will come out of it. I don't see myself ever finding a reason to reach out. Basically, we figured out that we both CAN reach out to each other if it comes up - I told him to make an effort every once in a while.

But, we aren't friends, not adding him on fb ect , we won't be hanging out, I won't be asking about his new girlfriends and he won't ask me that either. I guess it was just more of a, I don't hate you sort of thing.

But, in my heart I don't see myself talking to him regularly or going out of my way to call him.

Perhaps, this is just closure like, oh he doesn't hate me or want me out of his life - that's great... end of story.

You guys haven't posted pictures either!

- - - Updated - - -

but refuses to completely cut contact with him, even though it's the only way she'll actually get over it.

Not true! I blocked his number and since yesterday haven't talked to him since the end of April. The past month and a half has been really helpful and YEAH I DIDN'T CONTACT HIM <--GO ME.