Is this cause for a break-up?

[Chris_lo]

Ok so me and this girl her being 21 me being 22 have just started dating about 2 weeks ago officially, we had talked and been casual friends for about 3 months prior. So i was recently involved in car accident, I almost died, luckily i escaped with just a concussion, so i got out of the hospital yesterday and we went to my place while she was there she was talking to me about it but she was also messaging someone. She got up to go get a drink and her phone illuminated with a message, it was a guy asking her what colour panties she was wearing. Naturally i was mad I didn't say anything but she put two and two together and messaged back, what i dont know. I told her she should go home cause i wanted to rest, she figured it was the text and said it was a friend of hers who says dumb things sometimes. Now i felt a certain way cause here I am just getting out of the hospital and friend or not the messages arent appropriate, and how can I even trust that he's a "childhood friend" i wanna break up with her, what should I do.

[michelle23]

Break up with her. You just said you want to so why havnt you?

[Chris_lo]

But should I? am I overreacting?

[michelle23]

No I dont think you are. If your exclusive then its inappropriate. The only man whose ever sent me texts like that is my bf.. shes probably encouraging him coz why else would he send her that

[smackie9]

Do you want to date someone that has other guys messaging her stuff like that? She's an attention whore, ditch her ass, she has no class.

[michelle23]

You should trust your gut. We dont know her and we dont know all the facts but if it feels wrong-it probably is.

Plus I dont recommebd dating anyone who is "best friends" or really close to a member of the opposite sex. Its a red flag. My best male friend is my boyfriend. Thats how it should be. Other than that I dont need men in my life a part from family..

Find a girl who is all yours

[Chris_lo]

Thanks for the advice, I am probably just on a call it off, she offered to show me the entire convo and she was crying a ton but I just can't trust her now

[smackie9]

It doesn't matter if it was all "innocent". It was inappropriate for someone to receive messages or even partake in conversations when in a relationship. It's disrespectful. She obviously has no regard for your relationship. We have had this convo on another thread. Things have to change when you get involved with someone.....it's called "relationship boundaries". She shows poor conduct....you deserve better than that.

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Why would she be bawling her damn eyes out, you only have been dating for two bloody weeks.....it's all an act.

[masticate]

Don't bother trying to put a stop to it; it is an impossible feat and would be immoral and irrational of you to try. She has a right to text him and you have a right to know about it, as well as leave if you want to.

[Chris_lo]

I'm not trying to stop it she's not my wife or anything and I know that even if I tried there's always ways around it, I just wanted to know if I was overreacting cause she was making it seem cause she knows the guy for so long that it's fine and that he was just joking around

[masticate]

I'm not trying to stop it she's not my wife or anything and I know that even if I tried there's always ways around it, I just wanted to know if I was overreacting cause she was making it seem cause she knows the guy for so long that it's fine and that he was just joking around

Perhaps she does feel like it's fine.

There is obvious conflict here because she thinks it's ok and you do not. You both have rights.

What is your "overreaction"? Wanting to leave? You have that right as you don't approve of her behavior. What's hard about that?

[michelle23]

How old is she? Maybe now would be a good time to discuss relationship boundaries and whats appropriate/whats not.. you could send her here and we will tell her for you. I mean if you really like this girl and trust what shes saying-that it was him sending that and she wasnt encouraging it-then maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt.

When I first met my bf-about a month in his ex (who he had dumped a year before) text him whilst drunk telling him she loves him and wants him back etc. He was honest with me about it and he changed his number so she couldnt contact him. I could have freaked out and dumped him but 6 years later we are still together and there has never been trust issues.. maybe its worth hearing her out and then decide what you should do

[Wakeup]

But should I? am I overreacting?

If you're not going to break up with her for allowing a guy to be disrespectful to her and subsequently YOU and your relationship in general then the least you could do for yourself is tell her that accepting disrespectful sexual texts from another man when you're in a monogamous, committed relationship is against a very fundamental relationship boundary and ask her to shut him down or its a deal breaker for you and you're outta there.

You can say it calmly and matter of factly because that is just how it is. If she keeps it up then ditch her.

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If guys before her were afraid to voice their displeasure about her conduct then she probably doesn't know any better. Educate her and then see how that works out. You can't make her stop but you can tell her what is a deal breaker for you and if she's not got the same boundaries then you know you're with the wrong person and you can dump her knowing you've done the right thing. When a couple have completely different relationship boundaries it will NEVER last so get her on board or throw her overboard. One or the other.

[masticate]

you could send her here and we will tell her for you.

This is not a good idea.

~~
'Wakeup' has it right: decide how you feel, establish boundaries, be honest, act on your convictions

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Keep ****ing her while you look for another girl.