Losing my virginity

[chinagirl]

Didn't answer my question. I mean, why did you lose it at 23 instead of 15-16, for instance?

Ah, just wanted to wait till I was ready and be with the right guy to do it the first time... And I wasn't disappointed.

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I agree with starnique... No need to hide it or be embarrassed about it.

[searock]

Well, you were saying that virginity was only honored and respected prior to the use of condoms and birth control, which have been around for thousands of years, and from a time when men owned their women as property, which is well before my memory. My point is that virginity was still honored and respected well into the 20th century, and still is in some places. That doesn't make it wrong or anachronistic. Just because something was socially accepted prior to your birth does not necessarily make it sexist.

Condoms and birth controls have only been largely available for the last 60 years or so, before that most people didn't use any kind of protection. I also used the term "and":

That was before birth control and condoms became largely available, and before women stopped being considered men's property to be handed down from father to husband.

I also explained that the reason why virginity is still viewed as something like a personal/moral value is due to the fact that collective mentality takes a lot of time to change. So while women may no longer be considered property, many beliefs from the times in which they were still remain. Amongst those beliefs is the belief that a virgin woman is somehow more "pure" and "innocent" than a non-virgin woman. It is sexist because the same belief doesn't apply to men, and because it is a way to control women's sexuality (and not men's).

To the OP: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. There is also nothing "better" about it. It's just a thing, like having been to Europe vs not having been to Europe.

[Wakeup]

See but I just don't want to ruin sex for him by making him be slow. I want him to have fun to and I don't see how that's possible me being a virgin whose never even masturbated before.

It's going to hurt you so you're not going to want him to go anything BUT slow. Believe me, you are doing yourself a favour by telling him you're a virgin. And... he'll be so glad he's finally getting to this step with you that he will NOT have anything but fun.

If you've never masturbated before then I feel sorry for him because you're not going to be able to show him what makes you orgasm. Even with much experience, he has NONE with you and it's going to be a challenge for him to figure out what does it for YOU. Unless of course you've been playing handsies and oral with one another and he can get you off that way before even entering you which will make you more relaxed for the big entry . Whatever you do, do not fake your orgasms. If you do, that will be the norm for the rest of your sexual life together because he'll believe he's doing the right thing when he's not.

Get down there girl and explore your own body and figure out what an orgasm actually feels like. (if you haven't been playing handsies and oral and have never had one) It's one thing to be a virgin, it's quite another to be unfamiliar with your own gennies and what pleasures you.

[KingZ]

It's just a thing, like having been to Europe vs not having been to Europe.

I disagree. As an American, I highly recommend everyone not go to Europe, or you may come out a socialist.

[searock]

A rough condom has been around since the 18 century, Sea. A quick google came up with this:

Yeah, but that was mostly used by guys who slept with prostitutes and the like. Well-respected women didn't use them - or at least, they couldn't say that they did because they were still considered as property. It was nothing like the wide-spread availability of birth control and condoms we have today.

[Starnique]

Searock, I don't agree that its just a "thing". It is special. Some people just give it to whoever and then regret it and then some people really value theirs and wait for that special person which makes it more then just a "thing".

People may not look at it like that now because "everybody's doing it" and a chic being a virgin I guess has lost its value (to some people anyway)

[searock]

See? Lots of people still place some kind of moral value on virginity.

[Starnique]

Searock? I been there and done that. I know these things.

[searock]

Yeah, I was referring to dem's statement "virginity used to be valued, but anyone younger than 50 wouldn't understand". Some people (lots of people) still place value on virginity.

[dem862]

Condoms and birth controls have only been largely available for the last 60 years or so, before that most people didn't use any kind of protection. I also used the term "and":

Maybe you are thinking of latex condoms and the birth control pill, but trust me, birth control has been around at least as long as there have been prostitutes, and that is well-known as the world's oldest profession.

I also explained that the reason why virginity is still viewed as something like a personal/moral value is due to the fact that collective mentality takes a lot of time to change. So while women may no longer be considered property, many beliefs from the times in which they were still remain. Amongst those beliefs is the belief that a virgin woman is somehow more "pure" and "innocent" than a non-virgin woman. It is sexist because the same belief doesn't apply to men, and because it is a way to control women's sexuality (and not men's).

To the OP: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. There is also nothing "better" about it. It's just a thing, like having been to Europe vs not having been to Europe.

Actually, most of the slut-shaming comes from other women. Most men I have known, could care less if a woman sleeps around, but wouldn't want to marry her because she may have problems being faithful. That has nothing to do with notions of "pure" and "innocent" but because, while a woman will always know her own child, a man must rely on the integrity and honesty of his woman. No man wants to be the fool who spends his hard-earned wages on the milkman's son. With no disrespect to the child, the milkman should support his own offspring.

[KingZ]

It is sexist because the same belief doesn't apply to men, and because it is a way to control women's sexuality (and not men's).

Feminism used to have a beautiful message, once: "there should be mutuality between the genders; even if they are different, they are equal."

These days, it seems bullshit facts like this are used to attack males. It can be quite irritating.

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Countdown before searock shits a brick over dem862's use of "his woman" in 3... 2... 1...

[searock]

Maybe you are thinking of latex condoms and the birth control pill, but trust me, birth control has been around at least as long as there have been prostitutes, and that is well-known as the world's oldest profession.

Yep - prostitutes. Not well-respected women. They didn't have access to protection and even if they did, they sure couldn't talk about it.

Actually, most of the slut-shaming comes from other women.

So what? Women can be sexist too. It's not a "battle of the sexes" - it's a whole mentality.

Most men I have known, could care less if a woman sleeps around, but wouldn't want to marry her because she may have problems being faithful. That has nothing to do with notions of "pure" and "innocent" but because, while a woman will always know her own child, a man must rely on the integrity and honesty of his woman. No man wants to be the fool who spends his hard-earned wages on the milkman's son. With no disrespect to the child, the milkman should support his own offspring.

Sure, this is reasonable. It has nothing to do with being a virgin or not though: not being a virgin doesn't equal to being promiscuous.

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Feminism used to have a beautiful message, once: "there should be mutuality between the genders; even if they are different, they are equal."

These days, it seems bullshit facts like this are used to attack males. It can be quite irritating.

Not attacking males. Attacking gender stereotypes and sexism. Males suffer because of it too!

[dem862]

Yep - prostitutes. Not well-respected women. They didn't have access to protection and even if they did, they sure couldn't talk about it.

Well, I for one have a lot of respect for prostitutes. No slut-shaming from me on that account.

I think that common sense would dictate that from the moment people figured out what caused pregnancy, birth control has been at the forefront of scientific inquiry even if it was rudimentary methods such as the withdrawal method and the rhythm method. Wikipedia quotes papyrus scrolls from 1850 BCE that documented methods of birth control in writing. I think it is false to credit birth control as leading to the sexual revolution, when in fact it was the Beatles.

[KingZ]

Yep - prostitutes. Not well-respected women.

Who's slut-shaming now, bitch?!

[searock]

Who's slut-shaming now, bitch?!

Society in those days.

Dem, I'll say again: birth control and condoms weren't widely spread and available for everyone until recently in the history of the western world (from, say, the middle ages till today). Women were seen as property and as creatures whose sexuality had to be controlled until recently in the history of the western world. Now things are changing and so is mentality, accordingly.