I'm badly insecure and jealous.

[helpmeplease:(]

I know it's due to my low self-esteem and depending too much on my girlfriend but I really need some advice how to deal with my awful emotions sometimes

So first of all I'm a girl dating another girl, we've been together for over a year. My girlfriend is bisexual and it makes me feel really worried, I get insecure over it, I get jealous at EVERYTHING to do with guys, guy celebs she likes make me angry and sometimes I feel such an anger and hatred towards men because of this insecurity and fear about her bisexuality. I'm constantly questioning her and hurting her over it, she's told me she prefers girls, she loves me and wants me and I believe her but my fears get too strong sometimes. For some reason my mind can only see the negatives and not anything positive, I even feel like she's lying and prefers men because it just seems to me she's way more into handsome men, she likes a lot of male singers, she uses them as her twitter picture icons/headers, there's lots of little things that just scare me that she might like them more :[ But she says she doesn't think of them in a sexual way like she does girls. But no matter what she tells me, I'm still terrified. I actually hate it, I can't seem to accept it and I need help. It's gotten to the point everyday I'm visiting her tumblr and twitter worrying if she's posted guys, when I get angry and shout at her about it and she says "What's wrong with me finding a guy handsome" It actually rips me apart to hear her say she finds them handsome. I feel sick, I cry everyday, I can't deal with it. How do people deal being in a relationship with a bisexual? I feel like my insecurity has turned me into those man-hating lesbians.

This insecurity is the same towards her friends, I full on screamed at her because I read tweets of her joking around with friends, I can't stand her being close to others. I'm just petrified of her leaving me, I'm petrified of her falling for someone else or me being not good enough. I know it's ALL me and not her, I'm the possessive insecure one because I'm worried of being alone and losing her because of my attachment/abandonment issue. But my actions are making it far more realistic that I could lose her and I need it to stop. I know people are going to say "Learn to love yourself then it will all stop" The thing is I've tried, I find it so hard to love myself and feel secure, and yeah I can keep trying to build security for myself but it's so hard and there must be some other way I can let go a bit from these horrible emotions in the mean time? It's obsessive torture. She's left me so much times over it and she says she's never felt so hurt and ruined by anybody like she's been by me and my awful mental illness. I've hurt her so badly she's not even sure if she loves me anymore and she's distanced herself emotionally, I'm hanging on a final chance to change my ways, I don't even deserve a chance but I need to change I have therapy but it's not working.

[masticate]

Hi I have read your story and think I might understand your feelings a little bit. My advice to you is that whenever you feel like your grip is slipping away like that... you practice being calm and thinking about the truth of the situation, not just how you feel about it. It seems like your feelings operate at a fast pace and overcome you before you have a chance to analyze things.

Here is what I mean: your girlfriend is bisexual and thus she is attracted to men as well as women. Instances of her showing her attraction to men simply means that you are not meeting her needs 100% nor are you capable of doing so (in such a down-to-earth way). The way for you to escape from this conundrum is to rationally accept her for who she is and find a way to think outside of the box. If you are not meeting her needs then you must find a way to do so or you are not compatible.

Refusing or denying her the right to her bisexuality in order to help you feel a certain way is really oppressive. If you want a monogamous relationship then you should find somebody who doesn't want something you can't provide. Putting monogamous restrictions on somebody is irrational at best and expecting them to comply in the face of legitimate reasons not to (such as her bisexuality) is doubly so. If you don't think you really need a monogamous relationship then there really is no need to try and control her sexual behavior at all.

Anybody, man or woman, who gets into a relationship with somebody who is openly bisexual needs to admit to themselves at the start that there is the chance this person will need some outside help to be happy.

If you really feel like "you're hanging on a final chance to change your ways", as you said, then I believe the path to acceptance is rationalization. What are your needs? what are hers? What is your role? These are all questions you need to ask yourself and you can not turn away from the truth even if it blinds you.

[helpmeplease:(]

My girlfriend disagrees with you. She agrees with what you said about accepting her for who she is/her sexuality but she doesn't agree that you talk about how I am not meeting her needs/how bisexuals need some outside help to be happy. She says as a girl I 100% meet her needs and she's sure she won't need a guy. I'm actually getting rather annoyed with everybody labelling bisexuals to always need both or something too, I've seen plenty bisexuals say they can easily remain faithful in a relationship and only need who they are with. Why are they all made out to be such greedy sexual freaks who always need sex with both? Bisexual only means they can attract to both sexually, why does it turn them into some sexual freak who needs both sides of the coin? I have insecurity and I want to rid it, to feel secure. I don't want people to feed me advice about how I'm not enough for my girlfriend/I need to accept it, that's horrible, cruel and not true in this case and that's what I fear and it's why I feel so insecure no matter what she tells me.

[YoungCosmo]

masticate is just trolling. Ignore him.

[masticate]

My girlfriend disagrees with you. She agrees with what you said about accepting her for who she is/her sexuality but she doesn't agree that you talk about how I am not meeting her needs/how bisexuals need some outside help to be happy. She says as a girl I 100% meet her needs and she's sure she won't need a guy. I'm actually getting rather annoyed with everybody labelling bisexuals to always need both or something too, I've seen plenty bisexuals say they can easily remain faithful in a relationship and only need who they are with. Why are they all made out to be such greedy sexual freaks who always need sex with both? Bisexual only means they can attract to both sexually, why does it turn them into some sexual freak who needs both sides of the coin? I have insecurity and I want to rid it, to feel secure. I don't want people to feed me advice about how I'm not enough for my girlfriend/I need to accept it, that's horrible, cruel and not true in this case and that's what I fear and it's why I feel so insecure no matter what she tells me.

This is why you have problems. You crazy chicks. You can't drag me into this drama.

- - - Updated - - -

masticate is just trolling. Ignore him.

That's not even true. I was sincere. Everything I said, I phrased as a 'possibility'. People who turn away from possibilities as possibilities are way too closed minded to have a conversation with me and get anything positive out of it, so they resort to passive resistance, and I react with amusement

[YoungCosmo]

You're just using his situation as pretext to impose your own ideas.

[helpmeplease:(]

I'm sorry If the way I replied was rude, I just got really upset by what you said as it would feel like hell if that were true and because I've read it so much it just makes me wanna burst out crying. Plus it hurts people who aren't like this to always get labelled like that.

[masticate]

You're just using his situation as pretext to impose your own ideas.

Perhaps. Isn't that what this was about? I thought it was.

I read the op and she was all like, "problem, problem, problem, problem ... tried one solution, not working"

[YoungCosmo]

I was talking your own unpopular philosophy, not something that can be construed as actual advice.

[masticate]

I was talking your own unpopular philosophy, not something that can be construed as actual advice.

hmm. Well you are in no real place to make this remark objectively, whereas all of my possibilities were objectively possible.

My advice to the op was to do some soul searching and resist making such quick, short-sighted, emotionally-fueled, frantically-dramatic conclusions.

[helpmeplease:(]

masticate, I agree with your advice in terms of SOME bisexuals, what you said was serious and I respect the fact you tried to help. I really am sorry for replying so rude, it's just something that hurts me especially when talked about in terms of sounding like factual information/labeling.

[masticate]

masticate, I agree with your advice in terms of SOME bisexuals, what you said was serious and I respect the fact you tried to help. I really am sorry for replying so rude, it's just something that hurts me especially when talked about in terms of sounding like factual information/labeling.

well this was actually the point I was trying to make. You have to engage your calm rational side if you want to overcome this problem. Getting worked up over things like tweets and instagrams is a ****ing waste of your time and energy.

Either she is attracted to men or she is not. Either she is allowed to engage with them on some level or she is not. Your boundaries seem to imply that you require absolute devotion and constant reassurance that she only needs you. I get that you know it's a problem, so you don't need to have that reiterated to you. You know what I'm good at? Finding workable solutions to problems, based on an analysis of the probabilities at play and potential ways to circumvent paradoxes.

[helpmeplease:(]

She is attracted to them but she constantly reassures me she doesn't want/need to be with a guy neither does she want to be engaged with one. That's what I need to accept and understand that even though she's bisexual she is committed to me. But it just gets really hard when there is constant insecurity and angry emotions over every little thing. I try so hard to be calm and see the rational sides of things but my emotions get the better of me. It's my stupid dependence/attachment it's crazy.

[Lord Darkshire]

Hey helpmeplease, If your therapy isn't working, tell them it's not working. Maybe see your doctor to get another referal to a different therapist. It could be that you are not getting the right therapy. Are you supplementing your therapy with medication?? if not that should be discussed with your doctor. Please don't give into your feelings, there is always hope, as long as you are willing to fight for better mental health. I know easier said than done, that's why I say to speak up to get things into action. Being young, struggling with different sexualities can be so confusing adding to your anxiety. All these things are a learning process, as we all had to do, to develop knowledge about different personality types and relationships. Growing up I remember my struggles too, and it's something we all go through.

You are so lucky you have the internet that is filled with knowledge at your fingertips, that I never had access to. Knowledge is power, so do your research on sexuality, anxiety disorder, etc. There are lots of great forums for these specific topics, some that even have professionals available to help answer your questions. I believe the more you understand yourself, and more about bi-sexuality, the better you will be able to handle your insecurities and also to build a better relationship with your GF. Best of luck

[helpmeplease:(]

Thanks I've done so much research and you're right it does help a lot. I use an OCD forum quite often to help with my mental illness and struggles and it's definitely improved so much things. I'm starting off with a new therapist soon too, I hope it can help. I just need to start seeing I'm good enough, start having positive feelings towards myself then I won't be insecure and believe someone can love me/won't leave me I guess.