Want her back, want advice.

[jcm]

I was on and off for 2 years with this woman. We broke up close to 3 months ago and I just talked to her today. We briefly said our sorry about how it went down and broke it down to where I had the utmost wonderful feeling of relief and clarifying that today is going to be a good day.

I told her I wanted her back, she stated she didn't want to go through with what we went through before. I told her what do I have to do to get her back and she needed to go to work so we ended the convo with our goodbyes.

One thing I always did was ask if she was seeing anyone else and if she had slept with someone else. The anticipation of the answer would always get my heart 200 beats per minute.

My question is, should I ask this off the bat and use it as a sign that it won't work because she rebounded too fast? I mean, give me a break, 3 months and she is already sleeping with another person? Am I thinking straight or should I not worry about it? Should I simply just never bring it up and see how it goes without presenting myself like some needy bitch?

If things do go well, should I bring it up later? Or should I just not consider it? I need answers from people that display a high moral standard and not someone who just feels sex is sex and nothing more. Sex for me is giving one's soul up and I gave my soul to this woman for years and she shared her soul with others and I did as well.

Perhaps I'm just being negative because I haven't had sex since we broke up? F&&K I'm just everywhere with emotions. Please give some advice!

[smackie9]

What I have to say may not sit right with you BUT, off and on relationships need to end. Whatever went on, the common denominator is it wasn't working. Dwelling of her bouncing into bed with someone after the breakup is none of your concern. Whatever she does is none of your business, you don't control ones moral values or decisions, it is not for you to judge.

You have a broken heart, you are bitter, oh well it's just life. You must let go. Stop monitoring her every move because all you are doing is torturing yourself. fretting over it is a waste of energy, you can't change what has happened.

Go no contact, let go is my advice. Be at peace.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW your perception of "giving ones soul" through sex is why you are in torment. Time to let that go as well. Sex is sex, love is love, sex isn't love, love is what you feel in your heart not what you feel through your genitals.

[jcm]

What I have to say may not sit right with you BUT, off and on relationships need to end. Whatever went on, the common denominator is it wasn't working. Dwelling of her bouncing into bed with someone after the breakup is none of your concern. Whatever she does is none of your business, you don't control ones moral values or decisions, it is not for you to judge.

You have a broken heart, you are bitter, oh well it's just life. You must let go. Stop monitoring her every move because all you are doing is torturing yourself. fretting over it is a waste of energy, you can't change what has happened.

Go no contact, let go is my advice. Be at peace.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW your perception of "giving ones soul" through sex is why you are in torment. Time to let that go as well. Sex is sex, love is love, sex isn't love, love is what you feel in your heart not what you feel through your genitals.

Totally right, it is time to move on and stop being a lame ass. I'm almost 30, and it's time to grow up.

[smackie9]

and find someone that will truly bring you happiness.......

[smiling100]

Move on.

You guys broke up for a reason. Go no contact & you will realise there are plenty of willing participates looking for your affection.


Good luck

[XyOh]

Yup, smackie9 got it right. Keep in mind that people handle their emotions differently. Some choose action and some work it out within themselves. A person is not more or less moral if their actions are meant to heal themselves as opposed to distract themselves from healing.

[TheEvilJester]

I would have to say I agree with the general consensus here. If you broke up, you broke up for a reason. It is probably best to remain broken up, and move on. If you two truly are going to give it another shot, though, then you will have to sincerely give it another shot. Once you broke up, there is no hard rule saying what is or is not appropriate, or how long it should take you to get into another relationship. Heck, even if she was with a guy the very next day, maybe that was just something she personally felt she needed. May not mean there is anything wrong with her, or that your relationship meant nothing to her. Maybe she was just vulnerable and needed to feel wanted.

Sure, 3 months isn't very long, so you probably SHOULDN'T be in a new relationship that quickly, or even be just "fooling around" or "dating" or whatever. But, there is no rule saying you can't, nor is it anybody else's business. So, if you are sincere about trying to get back together with her, you are going to have to let that go. Maybe it could be something you discuss down the road just out of curiosity if you two wind up back together and stay together a while. But, you shouldn't ask unless you are prepared and okay with the possibility of the answer being that she was with somebody.

If you feel like that is a make or break kind of thing for you, then it is probably best just not to try to get back together. You can't help your feelings, so if it would bother you that much, then best not to pursue it. It doesn't mean you are wrong if that is a big enough deal to you. But, it isn't wrong for her to do what makes her happy either.

[Wakeup]

I'm with smackie on this one too:

I was on and off for 2 years with this woman.

Being "on and off" with someone is natures way of telling you that you're wasting your good dating years on the wrong person. Stop all contact with her so that you can eventually get to the stage of indifference to her so that you'll be open to finding and being with someone that is more suited as a LIFEmate for you.

She's with someone new and its time you did the mental/emotional work you need to do to get over her so that you too can find someone that you'll not have to be "off and on" with. Don't haggle with your own emotional health a minute longer with her, this fluff you keep going back to.

[ClaireH]

I have to agree…On again off again means you were not happy to start with. People often forget the bad things after a short while and only dwell on the fact that they thought they loved someone, that they are now lonely and that they want the relationship back. If you get back together pretty soon you will break up again. Look at the reasons you broke up and try to avoid the same problems in a new relationship, otherwise you are just repeating the same problem over and over.

[michelle23]

Yup on/off relationships are BS. It is a sign you are not good together. Move on and find someone who you are compatible with who wont bounce in and out of your life as they please

[TheEvilJester]

I'm not sure how I missed the mention of your relationship being "on again, off again." I would have to agree with the others. A relationship like that makes it seem rather obvious you two do not work. I mean, how many times do you have to be "off again" before you realize that something keeps driving you two to end it? It isn't likely to succeed now where it already hasn't many times before. But, good luck to you either way.

[jcm]

I have been talking with her this past week since my first post and it's not going well. She was with someone else rebounding pretty fast. Mind you, I rebounded fast too because she had put no-contact on me and I figured that she was already sleeping with another so I had my fun, but the sex lead to guilt and more depression and made me miss her even more because although the women I dated were beautiful, they weren't her! I did the "bitch move", and caved into confessing my feelings for her that I still loved her and I wanted to get back together. She told me she was with someone and even waited for him for 2 months to get back to her location and that really upset me.

[peterwong]

There are reasons why relationships end. If you want to get back with her, it has to be from a build-from-scratch sorta thing, rather than repair-from-ruins type of thing. In other words, you have to start from the beginning and pursue her like she is someone you want to date, not someone you want to get back with.

With that said, you shouldn't be nag her about the past. Move on, and see where it goes. By prepared to fail, because most relationships do not end back together.

[jcm]

I generally hate to fail. I'll just be friends with her, and go about it like that. Hang out, go hiking, eat lunch sometimes. Can't hurt. It helps I'm 550 miles away from her now, but still just think about her all the time. It's slowly but surely fading though, and talking to her doesn't help. Perhaps no contact, just so many emotions I can't stand it and I reach for the THC oil.

[peterwong]

Friendship won't work, especially since you guys live far apart.



I self-medicate as well, but I know it probably won't really help.