should i go back to him?

[iamfeelingsad]

Hey guys,I guess I screwed up everything. As you all know, I called him and we talked like friends for a while, everything was fine, then I pop the question whether he wanna get back. I sent him a e-mail he never wrote back so i decided to call him. He wouldnt answer my phone, I tried like 10 times finally he answered the phone.He sounded so pissed off and cold, he said it's OVERRR, he's ready to move on. He said he doesnt wanna go through all these again, and he doesnt wanna date anybody, he even said he's never gonna get married! I told him I love him, he said i'm just lonely right now, i'll be fine in 2 months. He said didnt you say you feel relieved after we broke up? That's it, it's over. I started begging him without even realizing that. Anyway, in the end i was crying and calling him a jerk, he seemed like he just wanna end the conversation, he said we should never see each other again, never talk on the phone and never e-mail each other. I was crying and crying, i said maybe we're both pissed right now,we should wait till we cool down and see how things work. I said i wont call him until next semester, which is Jan next year. And I said dont jump into any relationship before that. He said he doesnt wanna date anybody for a long time, then he agreed to talk again next year.
Now i feel like a piece of sh**, i think he hates me and i hate myself too. I feel so humiliated, but i just cant imagine loosing him. I feel like i'm going crazy, What should i do? Why he suddenly hates me so much?

[TAVS]

You've lost him. As soon as you admit that, you'll be better.

[artyemi]

pick up the pieces of your pride and walk away. it's hard, i know, but you can do it. it takes time. we all go through some things like that. it will be okay.

[iamfeelingsad]

do you all think it's really really over? I just cant believe it. he agreed to talk again and he wont date anybody, maybe it'll still work out later?. I know i might sound pathetic right now, but i just cant believe what just happened. How can he change his attitude so quickly.

[artyemi]

it is. you keep wanting to get back, he keeps saying no. hold your composure. people change very quickly. or maybe it's a process and he's been changing and now he's beyond you.

[TAVS]

I wish I could tell you. My girl did the same 180 on me. Well not quite so extreeme but one day everything was in pieces. It's you're call if you want to stick around waiting for this jurk, but you're only wasting your time. I'd suggest moving on with your life and when Jan rolls around, you can decide where your at then.

[iamfeelingsad]

I guess he's never in love with me, and he's just been using me. I'll just have to admit it.

[artyemi]

Maybe just accept that he's never in love with you and if you want to be with someone who loves you, then get away from him.

[gHEXjt]

I'm really sorry about what happened iamfeelingsad. It really seemed as though things were going to work out for you last week. There's obviously not much you can do now except try to move on. You said in the beginning that the two of you had broken up 3 times in 5 months. And then when you got back together again, he was making a significant effort to make your relationship work but you broke up with him again because he wouldn't tell you that he was in love with you yet. He probably feels betrayed by the fact that he was showing you what you meant to him and told you that he cared for you, but you broke up with him because he wouldn't say he was in love with you. But you said yourself that he had emotional problems with the love issue because of a terrible prior experience. You keep flip-flopping on this relationship, or at least that's what it seems like, since you break-up and feel better, but then want him back, and your bf has had enough, at least for now.

And don't think of it as you having been used by him. You know how he felt about you. Maybe he didn't love you, maybe he did, but he really cared about you, you said it yourself. If you start to think now that he was just using you and your love was a waste, it will ruin how you'll feel about the possibility of a reunion in the future.

This kind of situation really sucks. Like I said in earlier posts, I'm going through a similar situation, and the whole begging thing that you did was definitely the wrong move, as I found out myself. It took me a month just to get my gf to talk to me, and I was the one who was dumped. And she told me she still loved me, so it made no sense. The more I then pushed, the more nasty she got. I literally was down on my knees begging her to take me back. Told her everything she wanted to hear, and it wasn't good enough. The more I pushed, the more cold she got. We're both in school, a long-distance relationship, and I told her I would miss her and I hope she would miss me when I left, and she told me she wouldn't. That was it. I haven't tried to talk to her again. Not on the phone, not by email, nothing. I would still get back together with her even now after how terribly she's treated me. But you know, this no contact thing I'm working on seems to be working. After about a week of her not hearing from me at all, she started to try and talk to me. And I've just given her the cold shoulder every time. And its working better and better. She sends me an instant message every night, I don't talk, nothing. She's starting to miss me, not hearing from me at all. Funny thing about all this is that my hope is that I will find someone else and that she then comes crawling back and I can tell her to get ****ed.

Sorry for rambling, just trying to show that the more you push, the more things are going to get screwed up. Your bf is definitely pissed off, or he probably wouldn't have run off such stupid lines like I never want to date or get married. But things will work out for the best. Cooler heads will prevail and if you still feel like you love him in a few months, then give him a call. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe the reason for all this is to make him realize that he really does love you.

But try to get over him, or do whatever you can to not think about him. Obviously now that all this bad stuff is so fresh for you, it will bug you for awhile. So really try to stay busy. The more you sit around alone, the worse it will hurt. Much worse. Find someone to lean on right now and do things that you enjoy. And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT HIM. EVEN IF IT'S TEARING YOU UP INSIDE, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ATTEMPT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM! If January comes around and you still want him and miss him, go for it, but don't even think about calling him. If he caves and calls you before then great, and do not initiate any contact yourself for quite some time. I sincerely wish you the best. I know how much this sucks, just find someone to lean on and go out and do some fun stuff. It will help.

[Late_vamp]

well im KIND off in a similar situation...

-all i can advice is that you go out and have fun with your friends/family .don't even mention him.

-dont think about it ... dont even EXPECT to get back with him because then your not really over him .

-just accept it and move on and dont look back . whatever you do , dont put yourself down and get all depressed , i know it feels like something to do at this moment but dont do it , try to be happy and just TRY to have some fun . depression and sadness is a vivious circle .

-just be like " ok , i dont NEED him , i WAS fine before him"...RIGHT?

- Don't do something that you will regret later like sleeping with some random dude just to make you feel better ( altho some girls like it and change to trashy after that)

-Keep yourself busy ,BUSY ,BUSY ... dont just sit there and think about what happened(altho its normal the first couple of days , but dont get stuck there)
go do some sports , get yourself in shape or in even BETTER shape (he'll probably regret not going back with you if you look better next time you see him on the street or something) ... go play some games , watch movies (not very recommended) , i dunno , whatever keeps you going but that doesnt make you think of him .

Me and my EX-Gf broke up about a month ago , the first couple of days i was great , then it hit me , then i was sad and i even saw her 3 times after that (once every like 3-4 days , no phone calls tho ) and its been 2 weeks since i last seen her (my sis saw her at the movies and they talked , she SAYS she still loves me ...but her actions say otherwise) point being , i know i decided myself to move on but i dont know if i should cut her off completely or just stay like friends ...well partial-friends ...after all i STILL have her fathers book (he STILL wants me to stay friends with him ... last i heard ) and i KNOW ill see her AGAIN , in october when we get our diplomas from HS ...

so i just dunno if i should just dump the book in her mailbox and ignore ALL of them forever(her parents WILL be seated next to mine for october , and she will be next to me ...whe bought the tickets at the same time) or just finish reading it , give it to her or her father [by going to his restaurant ...free food hehehe ] ... i just cant WAIT to go out on a date with some other girl now , prob is i know how to talk and flirt and all but MY hardest part is to actually just go up to some stranger and start talking to her ...i KNOW that lots of girls find me attractive ... i just dont know how to start it thas ALL , im good in conversation tho . i have the guts to do it , its just i dont want to seem like an ass or worst ...like deperate and shit . i wouldnt care if it would be someone i would never see , but its in the city bus/station...and i got to take that bus almost everyday for school/work so if i screw up , ill look like a dick till i get myself a car (wich SHOULD be next summer , unless the stupid gaz keeps going up )

[iamfeelingsad]

gHEXjt, thank you for your advice,it makes me feel better. I can tell you're a smart and nice guy, and i'm a very nice person too, i'm sad we both got treated like that by the people we loved. maybe it's true that nice guy/girl finishes last. yes, the more i push, the more he's being nasty, that's exactly what happened to me. i feel like he hates to hear the word "love" from my mouth, everytime i say it, he gets mad. maybe that's the best way to prove that he doesnt love me. Anyway, it's not important anymore, it's over. Like a hundred people told me not to call him, i dont know what i was thinking, i was like obssessed, totally lost control of myself. But this time i KNOW i wont contact him again, i'll have to try to keep that last bit of my dignity. I really hope you find a girl that appreaciates you and loves you in the future. Seems like your ex-gf is immature and doesnt know what she want. As for me, i dont think i'll jump into any new relationship any time soon, it's probably only gonna make me think of him more, and i dont wanna hurt "another unsuspecting soul" by not loving him but being with him. So, Late Vamp, dont worry i wont sleep around, that's not my style. Hope everything works out for all of us.

[gHEXjt]

I completely understand why you still called him. I did the same thing when everyone was telling me not to and it just made things even worse. My family and friends, her family, everyone telling me to just cool out and wait a while before I called her. But I did, and just made things worse. When you still feel like you can make things happen you don't want to sit by and wonder if he/she has possibly found someone else because that would hurt more than anything. If nothing else good comes from this, at least you can use it as a learning experience. Now we know. If we push, they run, and any hope is most likely gone. Obviously when something like this happens to you for the first time, even though everyone's telling you exactly what's going to happen, you still somehow feel that your situation may be different. That maybe you will be able to turn your love around. But I guess these things tend to work out the same almost always. Honestly, reading and talking in this thread has helped me a lot because I feel like someone else knows exactly how I feel, and has gone through exactly what I have. And I hope you find someone you love who will love you back and make you know that they love you.

Just stay busy, like I said and others said, make sure you stay busy. It has helped me a lot. Up until 3 weeks ago I was working about 70 hours a week, and from the time of the break-up through the end of work I was really upset, but I didn't feel like I was going to break down. But then there were about two weeks that I didn't do anything and that was when I had the hardest time, and is also the time that I resorted to begging. I ended up moving early so that I could get away and not be able to sit around sulking about all this. And the days have actually been going by. I still think about her a lot, but not really bad things anymore. I just miss things like the smell of her perfume, or just feeling her presence, and I'm guessing that's normal when you spent almost everyday together for 4 years. You will find someone else, and I'm confident that I will as well. As much as it hurts to think you won't be with the person you love anymore, it helps to think that there is someone out there who you will love that will love you just as much back.

[gHEXjt]

Wondering how you were doing with all this and if you had any contact with your ex iamfeelingsad? I sent you a PM a while ago, maybe it didn't go through or something.

[iamfeelingsad]

hey, glad to hear from you. Hope everything is going well with you. Do you feel better now?
I feel somewhat better these days. I tried to keep myself very busy everyday. I start having depressing thoughts when I'm home by myself. Going to classes helped. There were several times I was attempted to call him just to...i dont know.. maybe to hear his voice, or to tell him he sucks....I dont know what I will say on the phone if I talk to him again. Anyway, I remembered your words "DO NOT CALL HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE", so luckily I didnt do anything stupid to make myself look more pathetic. I was counting on calling him in January, but now more and more I feel like maybe it's a good idea to just let it go. I read too many sad stories about one person waited and waited with that slight hope of getting back while the other person is determined to move on or has already started new relationship. I dont know if I can deal with that if I called him and that's what's happening.

[gHEXjt]

hey, glad to hear from you. Hope everything is going well with you. Do you feel better now?
I feel somewhat better these days. I tried to keep myself very busy everyday. I start having depressing thoughts when I'm home by myself. Going to classes helped. There were several times I was attempted to call him just to...i dont know.. maybe to hear his voice, or to tell him he sucks....I dont know what I will say on the phone if I talk to him again. Anyway, I remembered your words "DO NOT CALL HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE", so luckily I didnt do anything stupid to make myself look more pathetic. I was counting on calling him in January, but now more and more I feel like maybe it's a good idea to just let it go. I read too many sad stories about one person waited and waited with that slight hope of getting back while the other person is determined to move on or has already started new relationship. I dont know if I can deal with that if I called him and that's what's happening.

I know exactly what you mean. I actually decided to go with no contact whatsoever, and haven't heard from her in over a week, which I think is actually a good thing. She's trying to move on for good, which she didn't tell me, but she told someone else. I've been staying busy and going out drinking with my buddies and have been practicing hitting on girls for the first time in my life, which seems to be going pretty good. I even asked a few girls out, and although they all had bf's, I think its helping me work on something new. And like you said, school is definitely helping me. Only time I've been having problems is when I'm home by myself.