should i go back to him?

[iamfeelingsad]

OK, it's been 4 weeks since we talked last time. I missed him so much that I broke my own promise(not to call him until Jan), so I called him last weekend. He didn't sound too pissed, not excited either...he asked me how i've been, i said i've been sick, he sounded concerned and asked me what is it, i said it's just cold, he didnt say anything...then he asked me if i took my window AC down yet, he said it's gonna get cold i should ask my friends to help me to take it down, all we need to do is to take the screws off...then i said i'm so happy to talk to him, he said" yea, i'm still alive.."...anyway, we talked for about 10 minutes, most of the time he remained silent, i had to ask him questions to make him talk...by the end i let him go, he said"ok, talk to you later". So, i'm confused again,seems he's giving me mixed signals. What should I do next? Should I call him again? Does it look like it's still possible for us to get back or he was just being polite?.....

BTW, now i think about why he was so mad on the phone last time......i had this stupid friend who told me to give him some competition then maybe he'll tell me he loves me..so i called him and told him i met this guy in the bar and he asked me to go on a date,i said thought he's pretty cute..but the next day i called him again and told him i'm not going on a date with anybody, i love him..he said "he's got your phone number?", i said "yea, but i'm not going on a date with him."...i didnt think it was such a big deal cuz i thought he would probably know i was just trying to make him jealous..but maybe he's mad because of that?....

Hey guys,I guess I screwed up everything. As you all know, I called him and we talked like friends for a while, everything was fine, then I pop the question whether he wanna get back. I sent him a e-mail he never wrote back so i decided to call him. He wouldnt answer my phone, I tried like 10 times finally he answered the phone.He sounded so pissed off and cold, he said it's OVERRR, he's ready to move on. He said he doesnt wanna go through all these again, and he doesnt wanna date anybody, he even said he's never gonna get married! I told him I love him, he said i'm just lonely right now, i'll be fine in 2 months. He said didnt you say you feel relieved after we broke up? That's it, it's over. I started begging him without even realizing that. Anyway, in the end i was crying and calling him a jerk, he seemed like he just wanna end the conversation, he said we should never see each other again, never talk on the phone and never e-mail each other. I was crying and crying, i said maybe we're both pissed right now,we should wait till we cool down and see how things work. I said i wont call him until next semester, which is Jan next year. And I said dont jump into any relationship before that. He said he doesnt wanna date anybody for a long time, then he agreed to talk again next year.
Now i feel like a piece of sh**, i think he hates me and i hate myself too. I feel so humiliated, but i just cant imagine loosing him. I feel like i'm going crazy, What should i do? Why he suddenly hates me so much?

[TAVS]

Man, sounds like you are a lost cause. What mixed signals did you get from him. Everything you wrote indicates he was very disinterested in talking to you. Just because he didnt tell you to F off doesnt mean there were mixed signals. And where do you think you're going to get second guessing everything??? Why were you playing games with him in the first place. Women. Anyway, move on with your life and get over it

[gHEXjt]

Good to hear from you iamfeelingsad. You shouldn't have called him. I've been in contact with my ex though too. I haven't initiated any contact for well over a month, but she keeps calling me, and I've been taking the same approach as your ex did on the phone. I don't say anything to her unless she asks me a question. I don't know what to tell her cause I don't think she wants to hear what I have to say, so I just say nothing until she wants to get off the phone.

But there's no way to tell how he's feeling by what he said on the phone. You know he was hurt by what happened, but he probably does think you will continue to screw with him if you get back together, and he probably wants to get over you. You broke up with him a few times and just gave another example now of a game you were playing. DON'T CALL HIM AGAIN. I know how much it hurts, but you can't. If January comes around and you still want him, then call him, but don't expect it to work out. Maybe then he'll know you're sincere. But you shouldn't call him again. If he wants to talk to you then he can call you.

[iamfeelingsad]

He didnt seem that disinterested in the beginning, he did ask me some questions like how's everything going, how's job, did you take your AC down...and he did tell me his sister is getting married,he's going to work on a shift and stuff.....the conversation was just fine in the beginning, then he lost his interst in talking to me or he just ran out of topics....also he did say"talk to you later" instead of "bye". That's why i think he's giving mixed signals.
But now i'm curious gHEXjt, why does your girlfriend keep calling you? did she say she wanna get back? but seems like you're over her by now.

[TAVS]

Most people dont choose their words as carefully as you might think. "Talk to you later" could mean anything

[gHEXjt]

He didnt seem that disinterested in the beginning, he did ask me some questions like how's everything going, how's job, did you take your AC down...and he did tell me his sister is getting married,he's going to work on a shift and stuff.....the conversation was just fine in the beginning, then he lost his interst in talking to me or he just ran out of topics....also he did say"talk to you later" instead of "bye". That's why i think he's giving mixed signals.
But now i'm curious gHEXjt, why does your girlfriend keep calling you? did she say she wanna get back? but seems like you're over her by now.

I'm not over her by a longshot. Which is really starting to drive me crazy because it doesn't seem to be getting any easier and I figured I'd feel better by now, and I'm doing everything I can to try and get over her, just not working, or so it seems. I still think of her 24/7 and its really killing my grades in school thus far because I'm never able to focus when I'm trying to study.

And I don't know why she keeps calling me. She's been calling once or twice a week, but no, I don't think she wants to get back together. I told her how I feel when she called a few weeks ago and was hassling me about whether or not I've slept with anyone since we broke up, and I got pissed and told her it wasn't her business, even though I haven't. I told her how I feel and said if she doesn't feel the same way than I don't want to talk to her anymore because bugging me and keeping in touch is just leading me on and that I don't want to know about it when she's with someone else, so its better that I not talk to her. Then she tried to pull some shit about how I thought we were friends, and I got real pissed and said she threw our friendship out the window when she wouldn't give me a reason or speak to me for well over a month after she dumped me.

Then I didn't talk to her for a week, and of course, she called me last night. Said she couldn't talk long, but that she wanted me to call her on Thursday or Friday. Mind you there's no chance of me calling her. She's handled the whole situation so poorly that the only way I'd get back together now is if she begs, but I don't think she wants to get back together.

But anyway, just because he said talk to you later doesn't mean much. I tell my ex that same thing and I haven't called her in a very long time. But hopefully you're situation will take a turn for the better. But don't call him again.

[iamfeelingsad]

Yesterday I drove 2 hours to my ex's town to talk to him for the last time. Finally he told me his real thoughts. He said he sees no future between us, because I'm originally from China and I still have relatives back there. He's working for the army and he's on a security clearance, he can't marry a foreigner who has families in China. If we really managed to get married and anything slip from me he'll probably end up in prision. He's been warned twice about the possible harm it might do to him at work. He cant afford to lose his job. Not only so, it's so hard for him to get real close to me because our backgrounds are just too different, too many barriers between us,we're not meant to be together...He said "can you imagine how bad I'd hurt you if you really got pregnant last time but I cant marry you? We should not get involved again." When he said these, his eyes became teary. He said his life is simple right now, he wanna keep it simple, he doesnt wanna go through all these anymore. If I really love him, I should let it go and move on myself.

I insisted to leave that night, he wouldn't let me go cuz he's afraid I might have an accident. So he bought me food, put me in bed, and he slept on the couch. This morning I left early in the morning, I gave him a hug at the door and told him to take care of himself. When I drove away I turned back and saw him standing behind the window looking at me, I cried....That's the end of the story.

[sweetkiss4one]

my current boyfriend and I went through the same exact thing. we were together a few months and then i broke it off... there was surely reasons behind that. i feel for him real quick and within a month or two i was telling him how much i loved him and he would never say it back (that wasn't the reason why i left him). what really killed me was the fact we lived two hours away and i was always making trips to see him everyday that i wasn't working or even after work and then driving back home to work in the morning... he would always tell me he would come and see me and i would sit around all day and night waiting for him and he never showed... those same days he told me he would be coming to see me, he would tell me he couldn't and the next time we talked on the phone he would tell me he went to his parents or out with friends somewhere else. I was feeling like he didn't care for me...only himself and what he wanted. So i broke it off.... that was the worst day of my life.... we were apart for two months....we continued to communicate with each other every night as friends... i realized that i wanted him back and was afraid to tell him because i thought i had blown my chance! Well one night talking to him I told him how i felt... came to find out he felt the same way. We started dating again!!!

It still took him seven months later to tell me that he loved me.... what changed his thought was the fact that I almost lost my sister that night! When I got back home from my rents that night... he looked at me and told me that he loved me!!! It floored me, but i was glad that i hung on to him!! now we have been together for almost two years and i love him more and more each day.

So.... if you really love him, tell him because if you don't you might just miss out on something great! i'm glad i told my man!!!

[gHEXjt]

That's really too bad iamfeelingsad. Looks like both of us are getting bad endings. I found out yesterday as well that my ex has a new bf. Worst thing about it is its the same guy she always used to run to, and he played her harder than anyone has ever been played. I can't believe that after four years she would run back to him again. I've been a nervous wreck the whole time. I wrote her a poem, that ended in, "I hope you never love again," which I'll be sending in a note to her tomorrow that says I can't talk to her anymore.

It took a lot of guts for you to drive out there to see him. And I'm sorry about the way things turned out. I've wanted to drive the 3 1/2 hours to see her, but I really think that I'd get there and she'd tell me to get bent and to turn around, and I don't think I could handle that. And now, especially since she's seeing someone else, there's no way in hell that I'm doing that.

I hope you feel better soon. I don't really have any encouraging words for you besides that, because I'm in the same boat and feeling like shit and I've never had to mentally recover from a situation such as this before.

[iamfeelingsad]

I dont know what to say, maybe it's time to really move on. My ex said by waiting around I'm just making it tougher on myself. Something is just not meant to work out, at least we tried our best.