Update **

[Warmheart]

Hello all, i just wanted to post an update about what is happening.
We just had a really great day together last night and all. I told her I enjoy every second of being with her and she said me too.
But recently... a bit ago she just texted me and told me that she is not over her ex ( they got so close getting engaged, married, had plans for it ) but she is trying to move on but its really hard sometimes. so its making it harder for her to show her feelings for me. she said it has nothing to do with me, or i did something or she doesn't like me because she said she does. she said she just needs a way to get over it but doesn't know how and that she like hanging out with me, spending time with me and still want to but just felt i needed to know it.
Any suggestions how i should act ):

[anya_may21]

From your other thread she was into you, big time. Maybe she got scared and put on the brakes?

Leave it up to her, pull back and watch and wait, date others in the time being, don't just sit and pine.

[Warmheart]

Hi Anya,
I don't think she got scared and put on the brakes.
She still wants to hangout and all that.
I just don't know why she is still thinking about his ex. He is dating someone else right now and tried to make her jealous with her and all that. I don't know. ):

But i don't want to just jump around and then she will be like well... he didn't even put any effort to help me to get over my ex...

Which i just told her i am always here for her and hopefully time will heal and we will get through this together and she said thank you, i hope so.

[anya_may21]

Her ex isn't even single? and she still wants him. Smh and there you are available and wanting her and putting in the effort.

You are putting in the effort with her though, and she knows it, her mother knows it too, I bet you.

When someone does a " it's not you, it's me " kind of statement, they are lying most times and it is you. If she wants to take it slow then slow it down, but don't wait because how would you feel if you waited and there she is dating another guy while she froze you?

[Warmheart]

Her mother knows it because basically all I see her at work and I usually talk about her and making sure she is okay.
She is not saying it's not you it's me tho. She does want to spend time with me like I wrote it. She is not saying she wants to slow it down or anything.
All she said was she just can't be mushy or show affection because she is just not over her ex.
But when we are together, everything goes so smooth and works perfectly, like i said we talk, laugh, snuggle, she falls asleep in my arms etc.

- - - Updated - - -

I am not sure if this guy is going to come back to her. he is dating someoneand her mom told me from the posts he made on fb, he is in love with her, going on vocations whatsoever.
We have plans for tomorrow night, staying together and tuesdaywe are going to be togetherall day.So if she didn't want to spend time with me she would just say i am sorry i can't do this?
it's just that " ex" there.

[basilandthyme]

Warmheart, I just found your other post on this. [url]https://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/90212-hello.html#post990902[/url]

This is all about a girl who you've known for a week or so? You're a rebound. Nothing more, nothing less. And you would be your own worst enemy if you were to continue with her in her current frame of mind.

And please continue on the same thread when you're providing updates - history is so important.

[Warmheart]

Maybe you are right, maybe I am just a rebound. But we both know he is not coming back, she knows it, she told me and she wants to get to know me more and spend time... so being a rebound doesn't make sense to me at all. Why would she want to get to know me or wants me to get to know her if i was just a rebound? wouldn't she just call me to have sex but nothing else?

[anya_may21]

She wants other things with you apart for just sex, clear off other comments you made.

She needs to be honest and if no time or want for a relationship with you now she needs to say bye and you go date another.

Have a long heart to heart.

[Warmheart]

Alright so we had a night together, she came over and she had a really long day at work 12 hours of shift and she was kind of really quiet so i asked her and she was like i don't want to talk about it and she was tearing, so i was like alright, we went to sleep, today we had a talk and i asked her if she sees a future with her ex or if that was why she was so upset last night, she was being honest and told me that she spent 5 years with him, 2 years on and off and it's really hard for her to have the same feelings he did for him with someone else, and told me she tried with a few people before me but it was just nothing there, no feelings for them. But she still wants my friendship and all that and we were still kissing. So I am kind of tempted to push myself away and see where this goes.

- - - Updated - - -

because i feel like at some point, this guy is going to come back to her.

[anya_may21]

Date others. That is the best decision you could make.

She is playing with your feelings, hot and cold and it isn't fair to you.

[Warmheart]

Thank you for all your help anya and your suggestions. I will see where this goes.

[anya_may21]

You're welcome. Hope it works out in your favor.

Cheers.

[rest77]

She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, that's why she would never, ever tell you directly. Instead she is repeating all those "History" of how she fall in and out of love with her ex and blah blah blah.

Deep down in her heart, IF her ex BF comes back for her she will disappear within a blink on an eye. While you will be left to start all over again. Now, the choice is yours on either to move on and find someone else who is WORTH your Time to invest on, your Affection and your Love.

[Warmheart]

Hi Rest77,
I have had that conversation with her and she told me she still wants to be with him and want him back she said she just can't trust him because last time he came back, he asked her to be hir friend but started dating a girl a week after and they are still together this day.

I am not just going to stop talking to her of course, I will still be her friend and try to cheer her up but this time I am not involving my feelings.
I have been single for a long time which is why i had my feelings in this so quickly in a very short time.

[michelle23]

If your looking for love-then cut her off and move on. Too many guys waste months/years on the wrong girl being friendzoned-secretly wanting more.

Its not worth it. Move on, meet a girl whi is emotionally available, no baggage-you are just a rebound-she will get her confidence back with you feeding her ego and then she will ditch you for another bad boy who treats her like an "option" like her ex did. On/off for 2years shows shes dysfunctional and willing to be abused/hurt.

Your not that type of guy so find a girl with self respect whit expects to be treated right.