i'm in love with my father figure and he is in an unhappy married ....!! :((

[pharmdgirl]

This affair has been going for almost 2 years. Since then I have always felt guilty and wanted to get out but I couldn't. I know his friends, and they even said his marriage is in problem. He barely talked about his wife to me since we started to be serious to each other. We were just friends before, and he told me his wife was cheating on him and he was very sad but he didn't want to leave because of the kids. The kids are in their teens so he is afraid that they will be out of control if he broke his family. He once said to me that when the kids go to college, he will leave her. But he doesn't want me to wait for him because it is not fair for me.

[anya_may21]

If he was unhappily married he would be divorced, he is using you and having it both ways, leave him and find a man who loves only you.

[TheEvilJester]

I wouldn't get too attached to this guy. Best case scenario he is being honest, and if that is the case, you don't deserve to have to wait around for a relationship until it is convenient for the guy. Worst case scenario, he is just using you and really has no intention of ever divorcing his wife. Men do this all the time. A lot of men are just disgusting pigs. You can't let yourself be used.

So, either way it really is probably best that you just move on. Even if he is a good guy and being 100% honest with you, you still don't deserve to be strung along for a while until he can finally enter a legit relationship with you. Good luck.

[pharmdgirl]

Thanks for your replies.
I realized my post was cut off in the middle...
I was trying to say that I really really love him. This is not my first love but I do have really strong feelings for him. I even thought of waiting for him until he is ready to be with me. I know I sound so stupid, that's why I need your help.
Given that he is 100% honest to me and he does love me. But he can't leave his wife and the kids right now (they have 3 kids and the youngest is 13) - and the wife didn't have a job... what should I do..?

[anya_may21]

I didn't realise your post had been cut off.

But even he said don't wait, which could be because he knows he won't leave her and maybe he has some feelings of guilt.

What do you friends and family say about this relationship, does anyone approve of it?

[vashti]

Did it occur to you that perhaps the reason he isn't more invested in his family is because you are there, stirring the pot?

[TheEvilJester]

It really can be hard to tell in this kind of situation. He may be entirely sincere about his feelings for you, or he could very well just be telling you what you want to hear. Obviously, the decision ultimately has to be yours, but you really don't deserve to have to wait around for a time that is more convenient for him. Even if it is a best case scenario and he literally is 100% honest about his feelings for you, completely has the intention of divorcing his wife at a later date, and literally does want to then enter a more serious/defined relationship with you, you don't deserve to have to wait around for that. You need to have a life of your own. That shouldn't include waiting around for a long period of time for something that may never happen.

But, if that is what you decide to do anyway, then I wish you the best of luck and hope it does work out.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for your replies.
I realized my post was cut off in the middle...
I was trying to say that I really really love him. This is not my first love but I do have really strong feelings for him. I even thought of waiting for him until he is ready to be with me. I know I sound so stupid, that's why I need your help.
Given that he is 100% honest to me and he does love me. But he can't leave his wife and the kids right now (they have 3 kids and the youngest is 13) - and the wife didn't have a job... what should I do..?

Get a job and start supporting him and his wife. After all, there is college to pay for and all that stuff. O.o

OP: You're a home wrecker and if you have any love for yourself, you'll tell this infidele to go to hell and never talk to him again so that you can rehab from your addiction to him and his uncommitted cock.

f he was a decent man then he wouldn't be doing what he's doing. Get away from him. He's a liar and a cheater and now you're a sad, pathetic creature that is addicted to the drama. Stop what you're doing TO YOURSELF.

Do something about your codependency and fear of actual committment. You wouldn't allow yourself to even be with a married man if you actually wanted someone that COULD commit to you.

[dontaskme]

You need to leave him alone and find a single man to be with. It's not fair to his wife and children.

[Starnique]

first of, he's not a father figure because if he was you wouldn't be in this messy situation with him. If he was so unhappy with the wife, he would leave her. You cant believe anything coming out of a cheating married mans mouth. He doesn't respect her or you.

I wonder what his wifes side of the story is.

[anya_may21]

Can I ask what your and his ages are? Obviously he is much much older than you.

[Belle's]

He's kinda right, It's unfair for you to wait for him and also him saying that I feel is like his way of letting you go nicely. If you choose to stay in a relationship with him you'll always be competing and compromising for his time and attention even long after his kids graduate from college.