Can men and women just be friends?

[Jimlin000]

Whether it's a group setting, or one-on-one outings, can men and women truly just be friends? I've heard yes and no from various people. What do you think?

[Wakeup]

Whether it's a group setting, or one-on-one outings, can men and women truly just be friends? I've heard yes and no from various people. What do you think?

Yes as a group or when your SO is also with you. No when all you're doing is excluding your partner to be with someone else one-on-one.

[TheEvilJester]

This always seems to be a bit of a hot-button topic. Personally, I have always felt that there should be no problem with men and women being just friends. Even if one or both of them are in separate relationships, it shouldn't be a problem so long as reasonable boundaries are not crossed. Some of my best friends ever in my life have been women, including when I've been in a relationship, they were in a relationship, both, or neither.

To me, I have had more than my fair share of the wrong people snaking their way into my life, and refuse to allow that to happen anymore. So, there rare few times I actually find somebody who seems like a good person, I want them in my life regardless of their gender. So if I think somebody is a good friend, and they just happen to be female, I'm still going to want to be her friend.

Then again, I've always had no problem with distinguishing that. In other words, if a lady and I are just friends, I don't hang around pining after her wishing to be more than friends. If we are just friends, then we are just friends in my mind as well. I think a lot of people sometimes have problems with that, and I guess therein lies the problem a lot of folks have with this idea.

[Exeter19]

yes, but i always think it is successful when there is zero attraction towards each other. alot of my friends pick female friends they also want to hook up with, so in reality they never see that girl as just a "friend" but a one day partner, for sex or to date.

[lalalita]

This is such a beat to death topic.

[rest77]

You nailed it.

yes, but i always think it is successful when there is zero attraction towards each other.

[Belle's]

Yes of course but it's very rare and usually it's the kind that don't really hang out everyday. When a man and a woman gets too close they'll either be too close to see each other in a romantic way and be the best of friends or they'll develop feelings for each other and fall in love. The later happens more often.

[anya_may21]

You nailed it.

I agree with you both too.

One of my best friends is male but he is gay, so there is no sexual attraction between us and never will be.

[Vertigo]

Men and women can definitely be "just friends". I am an example and many of my friends are too.

I am female and with the exception of one girl, all my closest friends are male that I - in NO way - want to get in a relationship with/feel attracted to them. I share some of my most personal stories and feelings with certain guy-friends because we have similar experiences or similar views on the issue. But that doesn't mean we're compatible. Also, attraction is either there or not. If it's not there, we can still be friends - it doesn't mean you're "worthless" to me. And I am sure they in no way are interested in me.

Once they become close to me, I see them more like "brothers" that I care about. Not potential mates.

[Wakeup]

Men and women can definitely be "just friends". I am an example and many of my friends are too.

I am female and with the exception of one girl, all my closest friends are male that I - in NO way - want to get in a relationship with/feel attracted to them. I share some of my most personal stories and feelings with certain guy-friends because we have similar experiences or similar views on the issue. But that doesn't mean we're compatible. Also, attraction is either there or not. If it's not there, we can still be friends - it doesn't mean you're "worthless" to me. And I am sure they in no way are interested in me.

Once they become close to me, I see them more like "brothers" that I care about. Not potential mates.

Attraction can grow. As you'll likely find out eventually. This has nothing to do with whether or not you currently have or have no attraction of some sort to your "friend." Its about respect for your significant other and your relationship in general.

There are certain changes that should be made so that you are no longer hanging out one on one with a "friend" when you are in a relationship and the first change would be that you no longer hang out one-on-one and do datel like activities with someone other then your SO or you include your SO in that date-like-activity.

[lalalita]

Let me tell you, and I do not mean this in a haughty way whatsoever, there has never been a straight male friend in my life who did not, at some point, flirt with me, try to take it to the next level, or who did not "sit on the sidelines" while I was in a relationship only to attempt to swoop in when the opportunity arouse. I enjoyed the company of these men, they were fun to be with and talk to, and even if I looked at them 100% as a friend, things always ended up the same at some point. Whether it was subtle, or very apparent. I am very wary of men who "just want to be friends". I think it's a crock of shit. Men don't want to be around women they don't find attractive. I have yet to meet a good looking guy who's female friends were not equally as attractive.

[surfhb]

Let me tell you, and I do not mean this in a haughty way whatsoever, there has never been a straight male friend in my life who did not, at some point, flirt with me, try to take it to the next level, or who did not "sit on the sidelines" while I was in a relationship only to attempt to swoop in when the opportunity arouse. I enjoyed the company of these men, they were fun to be with and talk to, and even if I looked at them 100% as a friend, things always ended up the same at some point. Whether it was subtle, or very apparent. I am very wary of men who "just want to be friends". I think it's a crock of shit. Men don't want to be around women they don't find attractive. I have yet to meet a good looking guy who's female friends were not equally as attractive.

Agreed. I have female friends but I don't really find them attractive at all.

Also we need to define what a friend is. That's someone who I can call in the middle of the night if I needed help. In all honesty, those people tend to be limited in our lives somewhat. Just because you text and hang out with someone once in awhile doesn't describe a friend. That's My opinion anyway

It's also my opinion that if someone can't get along with the same gender there's most likely a red flag somewhere. I run from girls who say: " I don't know what it is but most of my friends are guys....I just don't get along with women and thier drama".

[michelle23]

I think their are a lot of potential future problems that can happen if men and women are too close.

Example-you and your wife are having problems-he feels he cant talk to her so he leans on jane (a long time friend) for emotional support, feelings develop until eventually they are having a full blown affair..

Sure him and jane could have been just friends for years with no feelings/attraction. But its when your relationship goes through shit that these friends becomes your worst enemies.

If jane hadnt been around and leaned on james instead-then a few months later him and wife could have sorted all their problems and be happily married again..

This happens a LOT. What happens even more is they will make a new "friend" at work who do text, email, have coffee daily with, secret attraction but both in denial-they closer they get, the more distant they become with you, they have an affair

Ive seen this happen so many times on this forum

Or just type in "in love with my best friend" to the search bar. Read what comes up. Same story, different day

So no I have no close male friends apart from family. I have male friends who I talk to occasionally but noone I would call in the middle of the night if my car broke down

[Vertigo]

All I have to say is that you can't apply the same formula to everyone.

Most people would probably cut their nails when they get long, but not everyone. Same same.

[Wakeup]

All I have to say is that you can't apply the same formula to everyone.

Most people would probably cut their nails when they get long, but not everyone. Same same.

Not at all and you're contention is naïve at best.

Human nature is human nature and if you keep adding new friends and taking them out on dates in the guise of it being a "hang out with a buddy" like the op was asking about in another thread, then sooner rather then later, you are going to allow yourself to become vulnerable to that person and when you become vulnerable to someone you begin to be infatuated with them and when that stage happens lust pops in and if you're both on the same page then next thing you know, you're going to end up emotionally or physically cheating. Even without direct intention to become emotionally involved it will more likely happen if you don't change up the dynamics of your opposite sex friendship when you are in a relationship.