I need a man's opinion! My boyfriend is flop-flopping TO THE EXTREME on children.

[dasanisun]

My boyfriend doesn't want kids sometimes. Sometimes he does. He has told me that I'd be a bad mom, he's told me I'd be a great mom. He's told me he'd be a terrible dad, he's told me he'd be a really good dad. Most recently, though, he's upped this flip-flopping to an entirely new level. The other night, he told me that he wanted me to stop warning him when it would be a bad time of the month to have err.. coitus NOT-interruptus... When I pointed out that this would be the same as tricking him into getting me pregnant, he fully agreed. He said he WANTED tricked into getting me pregnant.

Has he lost his mind? What's wrong with my boyfrined? I've been VERY patient while he decides whether he wants children or not, but why on EARTH would he possibly want tricked?? Is it possible that he's just playing a game with me?

[woody]

Making babies is sacred. Are you certain your actually comfortable attempting to bring a child onto this Planet with one who is so wishy washy? Dichotomy between potential Mum's and Dad's regarding procreation isn't a sought after foundation to bring life forth, is it. Have you been with this person a long time? Do 'You' think he'd be a good Father?
Perhaps neither of you are ready, at least, at this time.

[Exeter19]

i am sure he does not want to be tricked into getting you pregnant, that sounds ridiculous, imo. ask him again and repeat back to him what he exactly told you, i bet his story changes this time.

[dasanisun]

Making babies is sacred. Are you certain your actually comfortable attempting to bring a child onto this Planet with one who is so wishy washy?...

The length of the post limited how much information I could include, but my boyfriend suffers from very severe generalized anxiety. He has agreed recently to go back on anti-anxiety medications. This is a big part of why he's so flaky. His anxiety controls almost everything he does and says.

Would he be a good father? Once he's medicated, absolutely!

Perhaps he is not ready to have children. He's already 30 years old, so he may never be. I am 33 years old. I am financially and emotionally ready for children, but I don't have a whole lot of time left. He has said a few times that he wants children 'some day' but not anytime in the next 5 years. That's a problem because 5 years is about all I have left if I want children.

[woody]

Hhhmmm. Well that's something. I see your dilemma. You have been with him for a few years it sounds like; your in that stage of viability regarding procreation, he's great when he takes his meds and you both love each other allot.

So, first step I guess would be him getting back on the anti anxiety's, back to himself and with that, a steady head to make these decisions.
Hey, if he's said many times before that he'd like to be a Father and its only when he's off his meds he gets concerned, to me, it sounds like he is into it and may have told you to just go with the flow so it happens naturally.
So there's no big planning involved; just make a love child.
You just need to be sure about his well being. Is it in him to maintain.

[dontaskme]

Personally, I would not have kids with someone who has anxiety disorder. Children alone can be the cause of severe anxiety. I hope you know what you are getting into.

[dasanisun]

Personally, I would not have kids with someone who has anxiety disorder. Children alone can be the cause of severe anxiety. I hope you know what you are getting into.

Having anxiety doesn't mean someone would be a bad parent. It only means that they get hung up on things the rest of us can shrug off. He's not opposed to going back on anti-anxiety medication, though, and I know that will help him get past some of his fears. It doesn't mean he is going to want children, unfortunately. It does, however, mean that he will be able to decide without his own worries and fears clouding his judgment.

[lost_man]

Be careful of discounting issues because you want to see them a certain way. Also, beware of building a future on the foundation of medication. Having had an anxiety disorder I would say that stress is cumulative and that it is unlikely that he will be able to neatly compartmentalise things in the way you envisage. Doesn't mean to write him off if you love him, just means see clearly what you are getting into.