So I got this guy friend which I really fancy. We have known each other for like the last 7 years. I have fancied him for the last 2 or so. So I’ve been trying to give him signs which he hasn’t seemed to pick up on. But they are obvious enough that all his guy friends at a time has come up to me and asked if I fancy him cause it seems so.
And he seems (to me and our friends) to give signs he might fancy me. But at the same time he might just see me as a really close friend. See problem is he is mildly autistic and when it comes to emotional stuff is a bit messed up as he is adopted and has a bad past. Now if you were to meet him you would just think he’s a bit spontaneous and in some situations awkward. But not that he has a difficulty. But when he was young he used to really struggle with it and basically everyone but me used to pick on him till we reached upper school. But then over the summer before getting to upper school he seemed to get a better understanding of it and now is quite popular.
So honestly none of us knows how he feels towards me. The only thing we can all agree on is he cares about me and my wellbeing a lot and def sees me as his best friend. But not sure if I’m friend zoned or not.
So he does look me in the eyes when we talk. He said to me that I’m the only one he feels comfortable doing that with. I read up later that eye contact is quite hard for people with autism. He hugs me a lot but honestly he hugs all his friends a lot. He will often grab my arm if he wants me to see something but again he does that a lot with his female friends. And a lot of physical contact that’s of a friendly/none sexual manner he will do with his friends anyway.
We do often sleep over each other’s. But again its something we have done from a young age so prob just normal for him. He has seen me in my underwear once not too long ago. It was when he was at mine and I was getting changed. And he walked into tell me to come down when I’m ready as he finished making dinner. I screamed, he ran out and closed the door. After getting changed I went up to him, slapped him cause you know I was angry with him. But then he started trembling all over and looked like he was going to faint. Which was very scary. I hugged him and said I was sorry. I later learnt from his adoptive parents that his dad was an abusive drunk and I felt disgusted, horrified with myself and thought I was going to be sick.

But he can be quite protective of me if he sees something that is a potential threat. Like when I guy was following us everywhere and would speed up if we sped up and slow down if we did. He grabbed my arm and kept me close and watched that guy like a hawk. He then diverted us into a big group of people and put his coat on me and took me home a different way. And when my ex was telling me he would do things if I left him, when I told him about what was going on he found him as soon as he could and took me with him and told my ex that I don’t want to be with him and he was to leave me alone. When my ex said I’m his and I will do as he said he then shouted at him he is to leave me alone again and if he stalked me or laid a finger on me he would be hired out to be his personal punching bag. And that was the last I heard or saw my ex. I never saw him so angry and he has a very deep voice and honestly it even scared me. Partly I think was because it was the complete opposite of what he is like. He is normally a bit jokey and teases around but at the same time the calm, level headed voice of reason in our friendship group. And despite being very strong he is very gentle. Like one time he found a bee very dehydrated so picked it up and got some sugar water, got a pipette and hydrated it and then once it recovered let it fly off on its way. One time he found some orphaned voles whos mother was killed by a cat. Very small. Didn’t have their eyes open or any fur. He took them in raised them up and released them into a pen for a month before releasing them into the wild. I never even heard him raise his voice before let alone sound like he was going to murder someone.
So theres that. He def cares about me. And for the last assembly thing our school did the music teacher asked if I could perform a song. Thing is I have really bad confidence and very self continues. I’m not really fat but I’m no skinny girl. But he encouraged me. And when he said I can do it I felt like I could do anything. So he helped me practice for it. but then when I was on stage and the whole year group was staring at me I froze and couldn’t make any noise and was shaking all over. So he comes on stage and put his arm around me and start singing the song which gave me the confidence to carry it on. And at the end he kissed me on the fore-head which is something that as far as I know he has never done with anyone. This is the big thing that my friends are telling me is proof he likes me.
And then at prom when he told the other girls how pretty they look he said how beautiful I looked in my dress. And then he ran the back of his finger down my face and got some my hair and fiddled with it and then he stares intensely into my eyes. Everyone was staring at us and I honestly thought he was going to kiss me. But then instead he put his hand on top of my head scuffed up my hair and ran off saying “see ya in a bit, I’m gonna get me self a drink”… mood killer -_-
Later on he comes back with a drink for me and we were just talking for a bit. Then he grabs my hand (something that he hasn’t done before) and took me outside to watch the stars for a bit and so we had a chat.
Then we hear that there is going to be a dance from the speakers. He asks if I want to go to which I say “yes, as friends”. He asks me to come close to him. He then asks me to stand side on to him. Which I find very confusing but do any way. Next thing I know he picks me up and carry’s me in. I’m not gonna lie I enjoyed it. a lot.
We go to the after party after that and near the end he comes up to me really quite and not looking at me and just stands there. Then he looks up at me and walks right up to me, presses his fore head against mine and says “I really like you” to which I freeze and the people around us do to. Just staring at him as I have been dreaming of this moment for ages. But then he grabs a balloon, breaths in some helium and says in a stupid squeaky voice that I’m the best friend he has ever had and adds that he hopes that we can be together forever. But then awkwardly rambling into the fact we can’t technically be together forever as we won’t live for ever and one of us is bound to die before the other and that he would probably die first as guys don’t live as long as girls. Then made a really awkward penis joke. Then walked off.
Later in privet he came up to me and hugged me and said “please don’t go. You’re the only one I really trust” which made me cry lol I know I’m too sensitive.

So yeah. He will do stuff which would say I fancy you. But then follow it up with something that doesn’t and its really confusing. Some of my friends have said maybe he doesn’t understand that’s how it comes across. Others are saying he’s trying to show how he feels but is very unsure on how to do that. And others saying what the others said but then he might panic as he doesn’t want to loss me as a friend so does something to council it out so to say.

I’m honestly confused and have no idea at this point. When it comes to a lot of social interaction he can still struggle a lot at times. As he is as I said above autistic but also (I don’t know the details as he hasn’t told anyone) but I know he has a rough back ground as the parents he’s got now are ones that adopted him. Most I got from him one time when we were younger was that his dad was in prison and his mum died. Is adopted parents mentioned to me that his dad was a violent drunk but that’s the most they told me as (which I would agree) its up to him to tell me or any of his friends what has happened and they only told me that as I asked why he fainted after I slapped him that time. I honestly felt horrified with myself and sick to the bottom of my stomach. He does also have a big scar on his chest and 2 on his back. I have noticed these when we have been swimming or going to the beach and also he struggles to sleep with a shirt on so will sleep topless. I know he has really bad trust issues despite he is the one everyone in our group tells their secrets to and ask for advice from. But he never talks about himself. But I’m wondering if he might talk about what happened as before we went to our homes he asked if I can come around his at some point as there is something really important he wants to tell me that he’s wanted me to know for years. I’m going tomorrow.

So yeah. He will do stuff which would say I fancy you. But then follow it up with something that doesn’t and its really confusing. Some of my friends have said maybe he doesn’t understand that’s how it comes across. Others are saying he’s trying to show how he feels but is very unsure on how to do that. And others saying what the others said but then he might panic as he doesn’t want to loss me as a friend so does something to council it out so to say. I mean he is defiantly what you would say is an emotionally scarred child/young man and on top of that he has autism which makes things even more complicated. I honestly don’t know what goes on in that head of his
So what do you think? He likes me and just unsure how to get it across of friend zoned? And what should I do?
thanks