Thoughts on men standing up/defending their women

[FunSizeMama]

Just looking for the male perspective on men standing up for their women.

Mine has only stood up for me 3x in 14years. I just feel he should defend me more. Jump in there...help me out...stand up for me. But he doesn't. And I'm getting mixed opinions from my female friends and am looking for an impartial 3rd party male point of view.

And by stand up for me...I don't mean start a fight or knock someone out...just say "hey...you don't need to talk to her like that" or something. Its everything from his family (I know...touchy subject...but when they scream at me and tell me to get the **** out of their way...yeah..a lil back up would be nice), to his friends (one friend felt up my breasts, grabbed my ass..in front of my guy...and then tried to kiss me...my guy never defended me and I lost quite a few friends because they thought it was my fault and he never stood up for me so they probably assumed I was the one in the wrong) and even my friends (my friend was saying all sorts of rude and horrible things to me ...I think she might have some mental problems that need addressing...and lying about me and it just would have been nice when he saw her to say hey...you need to treat her better). I didn't used to stand up to his family, but now I do. And I did stand up for myself against his friend's wife who accused me of doing these things...yeah...he was married. Jerk. And I did stand up to my friend. So I'm willing to go to bat for myself but I'm not a bitch. I just feel if he is going to be my partner...my other half...he should be right there defending me. If I screw up..ok...not so much...but when I'm innocent and he can see how it kills me...I dunno. Sorry to ramble. LMK what you think please. Thanks guys!

[nico88]

Call me old fashioned but I think a man should always stand up for his girl. The fact that he just sits by and let's some pretty ****ed up shit happen to you is troubling.

Have you ever asked him what his deal was?

[FunSizeMama]

LOL. yeah...I tend to agree. Yeah...he just doesn't want to make waves or upset anyone. But at the price of my self-esteem and happiness? I think thats crap. But who knows...I'm an emotional chick. Thx for the input!

[nico88]

I guess I can see his point...but still I'd have to say something. But that's just my personality. Maybe he's more passive. Which is probably smart ha. My mouth tends to get me into a lot of trouble.

[anya_may21]

I agree with nico88.

Your man should be your watch dog if you want him to be that for you.

No one should touch you sexually, touch breasts, ass, kiss on the mouth none of it. That should bother him as much as you when it happens.

Is he scared to lose a fight or lose a friend if he stands up to them for you?

You have a right to feel hurt, I would too.

[lost_man]

What you are saying is that you are realising that you don't respect your man, and while I found all the "he said she said" a bit confusing to read, it does sounds like you have good reason not to respect him.

The friend groping incident is instant fight territory, not instant be a coward and let it happen territory! He sounds brow beaten over the years by his family too.

I predict relationship drama unless you work on it together, either you'll subconsciously punish him for the failings you see in him, or he'll get defensive, or some such drama. 14 years in tho, might be worth at least trying to change things but it's a bit late to expect miracles.

[omnifarious]

I have an opinion about women who want their partners to stand up for them - if you want a guard-dog go purchase one. Quit being so narcissistic and egotistical and grow up. If you want to be respected then respect yourself and stop hanging around assholes. If you need to get the police involved, do it. Have a one-to-one with your partner about how you feel and want to be treated. If he doesn't care either walk or learn to accept it. You are an adult, learn to function like one.