Nothing left to live for

[YoungCosmo]

Case in point, tonight I sped home from far away celebrating my bro's birthday..After so much heartbreak, I had finally gotten myself numb enough to accept my status as one of those forever-alone types. Then I hear my brother's successful conquests and I blazed down the freeway, A) to get home to be by myself and suffer privately and somewhat B] if a cop pulled me over I was too willing to provoke suicide by cop. Possibly dying wasn't the worst part: I was only too glad to have it finally come. Instead, I made it home without getting pulled over! And now I'm afraid I'm going to continue through life, always being jealous and not having anything to distract me from it. Unlike other guys, falling in love is the highest thing I can think of! But I have to suffer the indignity of being eternally single, that's indisputable, I don't have the mental capacity to be what girls want or need so life just basically ****ed me over. How can I stay calm now? My younger brother gets girls easily, while I have to live life as a complete loser?! Maybe that's unrelatable so perhaps I can't find any solace....I hope I get pulled over soon!

[dem862]

And now I'm afraid I'm going to continue through life, always being jealous and not having anything to distract me from it. Unlike other guys, falling in love is the highest thing I can think of! But I have to suffer the indignity of being eternally single, that's indisputable, I don't have the mental capacity to be what girls want or need so life just basically ****ed me over. How can I stay calm now? My younger brother gets girls easily, while I have to live life as a complete loser?! Maybe that's unrelatable so perhaps I can't find any solace....I hope I get pulled over soon!

You should really stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant and a toxin to humans. The euphoria you feel from drinking alcohol is actually the effects of being poisoned (in-TOXIC-ated). The euphoria lasts only while the alcohol is in your system. After that a bout of depression will follow that is even longer (and can only be relieved by more drinking). The long term damaging effect of alcohol on human tissues and organs is profound.

Next, you are erroneously misjudging what it is like to be in a relationship. Most people in a relationship (especially men) will never tell you or show you the misery. You only see what they want you to see most of the time. Many people in relationships will purposely mislead you because it makes them feel better to have someone envy them. There are true moments of happiness in a relationship, but there are also true moments of happiness being single. The biggest drawbacks of being single are loneliness and lack of sex. These are not new problems and mankind has developed newer and better ways of dealing with it. And don't be mislead, loneliness and lack of sex happen in relationships too. When it does, it is even worse because solutions are extremely limited.

Your self-acknowledged jealous is unfounded. It is also a character flaw which you can alleviate once you set your mind to it. I encourage you to take steps to recognize it and learn to correct it.

[supertwonk]

you need to go to the drs.. print off what you just wrote here and the will section you immediately , and probably medicate you then asses your mental state... ive just read your thread and am seriously concerned.. so please take your thread to your dr..

[anya_may21]

I don't think you need medications, but maybe a good therapist to talk freely too instead, friends only tell you, stop it, or don't worry about it and that isn't helpful.

Maybe you care more about dating over your brother so he goes into it not over thinking and you go in over thinking it. IDK.

I am sure you have your pluses where your brother has his minuses.

Did you want the police officer to shoot you, how or why would he shoot to kill you, even if you resisted arrest the most he would do would restrain you or taser you.

Feel any better today?

[YoungCosmo]

Thanks, anya-may! Somehow I felt amazing today. Which means, based on my mood patterns, I probably will only have about 2 or 3 days where I feel good in the next month.

[anya_may21]

You are welcome.

Good that you felt amazing and better. Make the most of these 2-3 days.

Do you think having bad lows like night you were driving and then unexplained high like day you typed this you could be bi polar?

I don't know much about it other than big lows and big highs and they rotate.

[YoungCosmo]

Unfortunately, the 2-3 days are almost never contiguous. In fact, I can already feel myself slipping down into the same depression: it might be a week or three before one of those rare monthly good days comes up.. And yeah, I have considered bipolar as a possibility. I think instead it's more of trying to fight an eternal struggle. It's probably not relate-able for most but being a loser is indescribably awful...There might not really be any psychological problem involved if one is a loser and has no mental capacity to change that.

[dem862]

The idea of trying to fight an eternal struggle is the essence of life. We are all fighting against forces trying to kill us on a daily basis, microbes and such. We are all barreling toward our imminent demise. The forces of nature and entropy are unceasingly undoing our best efforts. It is a man's struggle to leave a legacy; make a mark on the world, but we all end up as dust. The only saving grace is that one brief, fleeting moment of connection with another human being that silences the lambs for a little while. The mind is tricked into thinking we have a chance at projecting our genetics into the future, beyond our own mortal limits. Sure, the outer brain knows we are using birth control (if we are), but to the inner brain it feels the same with or without, and that is the part of the brain that needs to be appeased. It is an eternal struggle. Some of us settle for the monotony of marriage, but the true hunter is always on the prowl. The male brain has evolved to hunt over hundreds of thousand of years. Although it is no longer really necessary, the hunter remains in our genes.

[YoungCosmo]

Well true but I didn't mean it on such a metaphysical level.

[YoungCosmo]

I guess I'm alone in this. I know how I did stupid shit on this forum and that applies to everything I've done in real life: Why should I ge help? I've wasted what was given to me and all the karma has gone against me. I still think my suffering over the years has just about paid off what I owe to the world but maybe it hasn't....Maybe normal people get their debts paid off sooner. Do I deserve to be happy? No. It's a mockery of the better people out there. But this world is not just. Worse people than I (maybe I'm the worst human being that's ever lived, in which case this is entirely moot) have gained everything I can only dream of having.

Dem, you said I should quit drinking. What if it is the only thing keeping me alive? Maybe that just reinforces your point but what if it doesn't? What if the world is too sad and complex for simple aphorisms? then again what if it isn't? What if I am too stupid and drinking is the only way I feel profound? This is exactly why I drink: it softens the blow from being what I am not. Maybe I am the only real loser in the world and only I can understand what it is like to be a loser. Then again that's attaching too much significance to being a loser: I can't be that important of a loser so I'll just be a mediocre loser that doesn't even stand out in the realm of legitimate losers. The worlds' suffering is mine. Maybe it's not, it's just psychological hurt trying to suffer from some martyr syndrome..

- - - Updated - - -

you need to go to the drs.. print off what you just wrote here and the will section you immediately , and probably medicate you then asses your mental state... ive just read your thread and am seriously concerned.. so please take your thread to your dr..

Reading about "section(ing)" is making me cry. I didn't ask to be insane. Why am I not normal? It's so depressing to for it to be necessary to be a ward of the state but it makes sense. Maybe I am not sane.

[pcmaster]

Well if you dont love yourself then you dont have anything to live for. Ofcourse its easier to find a a beatiful girl and it would be easier to love her than yourself. But I noticed guys with GFs when got asked questions about themself can talk with love about themselves. Been thinking about it and I could find a girl to bang but for healthy relationship it takes more than a dick. The basic things to make a healthy relationship is confidence(to make impact on partner) love yourself(to make it easy for girl to love you) and communication(good communication makes strong relationship)

[YoungCosmo]

Yeah well what if you're not normal? Confidence means nothing if you can't think like a normal human being. How can you talk to a girl if you're too much of an idividual? Talking to a girl takes intelligence. You have to be smart enough to get the subtext through whatever they're saying and then be also intelligent enough to manipulate them from that, Isn't that what relationships are? Love and/or sex seems to be like chess. Maybe that's why there aren't so many of us short Americans: we're not given any worth through adolescence so we don't get the experience to gain the intelligence to get the girls. The only reason short guys exist in America is because Mexicans aren't too tall!

Loving yourself has nothing to do with relationships. Guys more insecure than I get girls (and great ones too!). It's all about genetics and being raised to be cool! If one isn't cool, one is nothing, right? That's probably just bitter talk from a non-normal person. Maybe I'm too not normal and possibly mentally ill to get the usual advice..Sorry for wasting anyone's time. I am probably a sick, lost cause. No one should listen to me.;.

[pcmaster]

You just have to find your tripping points when interacting with girls. Then work on them or compensate them by becoming better in other areas. Besides who you are inside matters things that are outside too. You want to sport higher value to get girl attracted to you. For example, money, good looks and cool friends or knowing important people. These things gives you outer confidence and also can be a reason why girl want to be with you.

Basicaly no one wants to be with someone who is worse than them. Everyone wants to be with someone who have something better than they have.

[dontaskme]

First of all, you're not bipolar, you don't need medication and it's normal not to be normal. As a matter of fact, being abnormal is the new norm now. You are over thinking your lack of relationship. Society puts too much emphasis on the importance of having a romantic relationship. You can be in a relationship and yet be lonely and miserable, and dem is right. It is more difficult to deal with misery and loneliness once in a relationship because then you have to be concerned of another party involved.

Learn to find happiness within yourself. It's unfair to your future partner to put the pressure on her to make you happy.

Drinking is not the solution to your problem. Yes, it does make you numb and forget about your problems momentarily but those problems never go away once your sober, do they?

Man up, face your issues and learn to find a way to be content and count your blessings. Your life could be a lot worse.

[somehelp4me]

I thought things were looking up for you, Cosmo, what happened, you are going down that same old path you were once on, why?
Never benefits you to compare yourself to others, and what's with all the "loser this and loser that" talk, stop telling yourself that shit, it isn't true, dude.

Are you allowed to feel miserable, hells yes, we all are, but if all you feel is that when can you be open to getting the relationship or love you desire - you are going be too down on yourself to even notice her when she shows up in your life.