Curiosity, can it kill?

[Rompi]

Hey everyone

I will try to keep this post more succinct and to the point. (Nope, not going to happen)

It has been about 4 months since my ex gf broke up with me. Up to this point, I have decided not to contact her at all and she has not contacted me either. Since, we have met only on one occasion due to mutual contacts, where we were friendly to one another, but obviously, things weren't the same. We broke up on relatively amicable terms, but I was undeniably hurt by her decision. My rational self concedes that deep down, she did what was best for both of us at the moment, but of course, my heart compels me to continue to love her. Being rather introverted, I am the kind of person who takes a long time to develop relationships with others, as I was friends with her for quite some time before these stronger romantic feelings began to develop. However, I'm also only 17 years old, and so to some extent, I am a bit concerned that I am so hung up on her. While I can recognise this problem, I don't know really how to counteract it as it is rather unintuitive to fight your feelings. Are such feelings of passion normal for someone so young?

Secondly, I am curious to know how she is doing. It is her last year of school and I imagine she must be pretty stressed. I am dying to contact her and see how she is, as I still care about her. We got on really well as friends in the past, and I'd really like to start talking to her again. But simultaneously, I am a bit worried that I may get hurt if she responds with apathy. Also, I guess I suspect some part of me secretly and unrealistically hopes we can get back together later, when we are more mature and when I have for the most part, overcome my depression issues. My mind is in total conflict at the moment.

So I must ask, should I satiate my curiosity and gut instinct and contact her or not? If so, how should I go about contacting her. Should it be casual ie(hi how's school etc), or can it be a bit more intimate ie(I hope you are taking good care of yourself and that you are well etc)

Thanks very much

[Rompi]

Hey everyone.

I am going to shamelessly bump this post once as I really need help. Could someone please offer their opinion, at least just to help put my mind at ease? Are cordial relations with my ex possible?
Thanks

[anya_may21]

Did you break up because of another person in the picture or just drifted apart?

No harm in sending a text asking how she's going, don't have to text anymore than that, if she replies good if not you got your answer she doesn't want to talk.

[Rompi]

Hey there Anya May

We broke up due to an imbalance in mutual feelings for one another. We both liked each other, but I liked her a lot more than she liked me. She got anxious, as she felt she could never possibly reciprocate my more intense feelings and felt concerned I was becoming obsessed with her. Admittedly in many ways, she was right and I admire her for having the courage to confront me. I'm also glad I resisted the temptation to contact her for all this time. However, now I am really interested to see how she is doing, as I still care about her.

Do you think that it is okay to do so given these circumstances?

[anya_may21]

Hi Rompi,

Did you feel you were becoming obsessed with her, and what was happening that made her think you were?

Would she had been more receptive had you not been somewhat obsessive, or was there other problems?

Did you send the simple one line text reaching out asking how she is going yet?

Yes, only send the one though and don't send or call until she reaches back to you, okay? Then you can continue to have a dialogue.

I never minded if ex's texted me a hello, how you going, it is nice to be thought about, IMO.

[Rompi]

Hi Anya May

To answer your questions...

Yes, I feel I was becoming a bit obsessed with her. I thought of her regularly and would almost always initiate text conversations first, though I certainly didn't contact her way too frequently (usually 2-4 text conversations per week.) I also got visibly disappointed when we couldn't see each other. I think the biggest problem was that I loved her a lot, but she didn't feel the same way, which made her nervous.

She also is in her final year of school and no doubt, this has given her some stress. This wasn't the root of the problem, but perhaps we could have worked things through more easily if she wasn't so burdened and stressed.

I haven't sent the text yet, but I'm going to soon, at a time when I think she isn't occupied. Just two sentences, simple and friendly. We'll see how we go from there.

Thanks for the help thus far, I'll be sure to let you know how things turn out as a token of my gratitude!

[anya_may21]

Two to four texts a week isn't very little, IMO not bad. Just checking in texts really.

Maybe she felt guilty you cared more than her and she could see it on your face and hear it in your voice when you talked and that would make her be more distant. But to be fair when you love someone they are all you think about and who you want to spend your time with.

So has she told you that her schools final year is too stressful and said if not for, she'd be better about you and her? Or you assume school is one of the bigger issues?

Are you nervous to send in case she doesn't respond or responds but not how you wish? Make it simple, one line letting her know you are thinking about her and how all is well.

Hope things go as you'd like, Rompi.

[Rompi]

Hey Anya May

After settling my nerves, I bit the bullet and shot her off a simple, light hearted text. Things went reasonably. She responded relatively quickly and enthusiastically to my text, asking me how I was going. I responded with a lengthier text and then she responded again quite positively. I had something to do, so I said I had to go and said my goodbyes. However, she did not respond back with a goodbye.

After I was done (about an hour later), something came to my mind that I quickly wanted to ask her, I sent it out, to which she replied neutrally quite quickly. It was getting on the later side, so I wished her goodbye again, to which she didn't correspond with a goodbye again. Overall, it wasn't probably such a good idea, I guess I'll have to live with it.

Perhaps I am being too sensitive and analytical, but I am a bit disappointed that she didn't say goodbye back. Am I missing something when it comes to texting formalities, or is there an implicit message behind this? Did I do something wrong?

Thanks for the help thus far by the way! I really appreciate it! However, I still have a few questions.

Does her lack of reciprocating goodbyes mean anything, or am I being too receptive?
How long should I wait until I contact her again, given how things have gone? Considering her initial positive response, I'd like to get the ball rolling, proverbially speaking.