Still in love with an ex who is a Casanova?

[GirlBrokenSmile]

Hi all!

I have a story to tell; a heart breaking one. I will give you the main points of its past then tell you what happenned recently.

-Met him about a year ago. Instantly in love. He was just back from another country in Europe (London); and was, kind of lost, because of defeat, loss of his job, leaving his life there, etc.

-Telling his past relation with a woman who had a baby from another man, he seemed like an emotional, good guy; one of those we see in the movies; and because of poetry and other things, him also describing himself like a scarred man; a victim of love; with a tired heart wanting to believe again, he seemed quite appealing to me. On our first date he read me a poem; a touching one; with the main line saying; I've got domestic scars; keeping me from loving.

-He was as if too cautious to show any emotion and we had some small quarrels because of that at first; he seemed a bit uncaring at times, and I wanted to leave but he almost begged for another chance. All through that period, actually, he acted like he would never ever want to leave even in the most harsh moments, and at times even though I used quite angry and nasty words and etc. (This actually drew me to fall more in love with him, I think; cause I thought, noone ever loved me like that before; like... not even saying a word when I yelled at him, or forgiving all the things I said to him, quickly)

-He mentioned he's got ADD and mentioned he's got some 'impulse disorder' (not sure about the name?!) as well once.

-Although I have absolutely no proof of him cheating on me; some of his words made me really doubt his royalty. For example he once mentioned a Latin girl sending him I miss you messages on facebook and then, worse than that he said it's confusing his mind. Then; he corrected, claiming he meant to say it's messing everything. mess & confuse is the same word in Turkish. So he carried on talkin to this girl from time to time... (This girl, as I have learned is a total slut kissing almost everyone in that environment) ---These happenned months ago. He always claimed they're friends now, she's far anyway, but she's asking me, askin how the relationship is goin etc; so she's a total friend... But strangely this Latin girl added me on facebook a couple of days ago! (I should add that he is in contact with some other girls he had affairs with, was in love with etc.)

-After 7 months or so; he had an opportunity for a job in London-the city that he has never forgotten; so at that time, we had some talks; and he mentioned he doesn't believe in long distance relationship. Which really got onto my nerves; cause since the beginning he would ALWAYS make implications of marriage; jokes and flirting stuff like that all related to future plans; and also at times I tried to break up he ALWAYS held onto the relationship; now what is this? I mean it's long distance but not that long and quite managable morever I can also find a job there! So I think I said some harsh words again; like what kind of a man he is... and that big mistake I trusted him... and that he even wanted to have sex with me just before he went to the selections; and how irresponsible that is....and etc. (I'm a little conservative by the way; after all I grew up in a country population of which is mostly Muslim. But not *that* conservative or religious; it's just that first sex is important for me, and I attach emotional meaning to it.)

-He couldn't get that job in London. He came back. And we were kind of together again; despite that harsh conversation when he was away. I once cried on his shoulder; askin did it mean nothing to me? to me it had a meaning... and etc. Everything seemed almost ok.

-Then all of a sudden while driving; he said "I'm telling you I will leave and go abroad and you wont leave me!" I reacted to that. And got off the car. Wanted to walk away. And said some harsh things too then he somehow soothed my mood embraced me and took me to dinner.

-Afterwards, again, everything was kind of ok. But he said some things like he doesn't love me as much. And then by mistake he uttered the words I love you *very* much. Then tried to say he doesn't love me that much again; and he was not in love with me. This happenned the day after he asked me what I am planning to do with him; we were alone and at his place, it was after some romantic and hot moments... He said, in a serious tone 'do you plan to marry me?' I answered jokingly "would YOU marry you!?" and laughed. Afterwards he said that it kind of hurt him. But I don't know why I said that. I guess I didn't want to scare him by being the marriage-crazy girl; as I thought he was a little bit scared.

-After that conversation and that night of him declaring his 'small degree of love' to me; we didnt speak for some time; like 2 months. Then, he had a show, and I went there, he first acted cold to me, then we started talking again. Then while we were walking on the street, I held his arm as I was trying to keep balance with my high heels; at that moment he turned at me and started to kiss me like crazy and asked if I missed him. We went to a desolate place behind a building and went on kissing for a long time. Then he dropped me to a taxi and said text me from time to time ok? (He couldn't go to London; but it was his last night in my city; as he got a job in Istanbul)

-From time to time he messaged me on facebook; soon after that kiss some erotic messages; and later some how are you how's it going kind of messages... Liked my pictures and some posts and thats how the interaction continued. Lately I told him I found a job in Istanbul too and might move there in autumn. And he invited me to Istanbul to spend a weekend after the national holiday in August.

So far... I think...it sounds like a romance story that could be rekindled, and re-lived, now in another city... (Or what do you think?)

However!

Today I saw some comments under a facebook status.

It really really made me want to vomit. (Am I overreacting? But listen!)

My ex wrote about how young boys got so much taller and the trousers got really short; and now in a funny way, it is actually a fashion.

And a girl wrote:

-Ohhh and our skirts got short. But not in a year. They got short periodically (Referring to girls pulling their school skirts up AFTER they left home so their father wouldnt notice that and they would be wearing sexy short skirts -which is quite a sexual fantasy kind of thing. You know, the short skirt school girl)

And he replied:

-Ohh... I sure know about that! I keep the record of that periodic shortenings very well, its written here. *wink*


So after that, I got really mad!!! Really really mad cause I think it is veeery cheap to have a conversation like that in front of all the people on facebook.

And I wrote him that if I had known he was a guy like that, I wouldn't have spared even half an hour to him. And having even held hands with a man like that, is making me sick. (and things like that. I also wrote somehow girls like that are always around him and I wish good luck to him and I wouldn't even wanna be friends with him...etc.)

He read it. At first he said "girl, it's a joke! dont you understand jokes?" And I wrote some more and he read again. But gave no reply.

Although I feel I should forget him, and he's not good for me, I feel I still can't get him totally off my mind...And I still want him....


So please can you tell me what this is all about? What he might be thinking? What kind of attitude I should have? etc.

Apart from all the logical points that I have always had in my mind; telling me he is not the right person (like him not being so successful with his career, being kind of irresponsible and incapable of fast problem solving most times and etc) I have never....ever... felt as much happy as I did, when I pressed my head onto his chest; and when I was with him... It was like heaven...And I felt like I needed no other thing than him, on this earth; and him enough was an adequate source of all happiness...

Now I'm trying to forget. But I can't.

It's complicated isn't it?

Please help!

[they]

i Don't know , he sounds a bit messed up to me.

But in that last part you made a big mistake in sending a nasty message, plus I think you over-reacted.

[Wakeup]

You sound insane. I'm sorry, but you two are not in a relationship and he does not love you so why would you get a job where he is like some stalker who follows his every move on social media, moves to where he's moved, keeps fking with him by wanting him but not coming right out and saying you want him.

He's damaged goods, he has emotional baggage and "isms" and "syndromes" and you are addicted to the drama. You're not happy unless your verbally abusing him in some way, unless you're feeling the passion of jealousy you don't feel alive.

Get help for yourself by asking a psychologist why you need this type of drama in your life to feel alive and forget stalking this man that could really care less if you're with him or not but you'll do if he's around.

You never felT "as much happy as you did with him" because you have a problem with understanding that love is not the way you describe it. It's NOTHING like what you had with him. NOTHING! What you had with him was avoidance, addiction, drama and verbal abuse. Do him a favor and leave him alone and get the help YOU need to rehab from your addiction to the dysfunction which you call "love." pffft

[GirlBrokenSmile]

Do *HIM* a favor?

If that's a favor, like I mentioned above; if you have read it at all; I have tried to do him that 'favor' already several times but he came after chasing me and asking to get back together again. That's what makes me feel complicated; and last time I saw him he told me he loves me so much and kissed me; I thought I mentioned that; even if I hadn't I must have mentioned a similar behavior indicative of his emotions. So where do you base your comments on?

Besides, your language is way too harsh to use towards someone who is actually in trouble and seeking advice. Maybe you should see a psychologist and get some therapy on why you need such ego-satisfaction through a nasty way, like the way you comment.

[Wakeup]

Don't bother trying to turn your emotional deficit and inability to see logic around on me. This is about you and what you're not seeing and what you continue to do wrong.

Like I said, do him a favor and stop replying to the asshole. Whats wrong with you that you are even talking to a guy that is A CASANOVA?

If you don't keep contacting him and imposing yourself into his life then you'll be doing him a favor by allowing him to move on from you and you he and you'll be doing yourself a favour by not torturing yourself by seeing that he's getting on with his life as he is accustomed to getting on with it.

This is not rocket science. Let him know you are not going to respond or initiate contact by not responding (if he should contact you) or by not initiating anything to him whether it be your usual over-the-top missive or something other then the norm. That way you'll both heal and you'll be able to put your focus on finding a man that is good for you and not some mentally inept CASANOVA with whom you have had a past dysfunction fling with.

I repeat:

you have a problem with understanding that love is not the way you describe it. It's NOTHING like what you had with him. NOTHING!

Figure that out and you'll be able to move on from a damaged man that does not value you and who you should leave alone so he can do what he wants without your inappropriate possesivness.

- - - Updated - - -

i Don't know , he sounds a bit messed up to me.

But in that last part you made a big mistake in sending a nasty message, plus I think you over-reacted.

That's because she has issues with boundary crossing and some sort of possesive dysfunction going on.

And I wrote him that if I had known he was a guy like that, I wouldn't have spared even half an hour to him. And having even held hands with a man like that,

then get rid of him for good and stop stalking his social networking sites. You are you own worst enemy.

Do you currently see a psychologist for any sort of past trauma, Op. I'm wondering and not being sarcastic.