This girl was really into me, then suddenly shot me down

[TommyW]

Its me again. Sorry I'm being boring. So I called her a few times, she didn't reply. When I asked on facebook why is she afraid of replying, she just said something like "which part of don't call me you didn't understand?".

So I don't want her back anymore. But I'm not gonna stop, I want revenge. I mean, not anything sick or illegal, I'm not gonna beat her up or something like that, but I wanna revenge her in some way. As I said, in the whole story, I don't mind her dissing me over another guy, I can't decide who she likes. But I mind her handling it like a bitch, keeping me at arms length until she was certain of the other thing and then dissing me and ignoring me. I know it's petty, I know it's childish, but I don't care. She must see that she can't just mess with other people as long as she wants, but when she gets bored of them, expect that other people will just accept it and move on. So for now all I got is to annoy her, call her on the phone sometimes and send her messages. As I said, I don't have any other goal then to annoy her. Anyone got anything better?


And the other thing. I still don't understand her keeping me on facebook. I mean, if I wanted to cut all connections with somebody, the first thing I would do is remove him/her from facebook friends. Why would she go through the trouble of putting me on ignore, when removing me is so much more effective and easier? She also didn't block me from sending messages to her. So why is that so? The obvious answer is so she can still stalk me, but thats not it because I put literally nothing on my wall except a song every now and then, and not the kind of music that she likes. I put no pictures, statuses, nothing. And why would she even care about what I do if she doesn't want any contact with me anymore? Anybody got any explanation about this?

[TheEvilJester]

I think you would be much better served, at this point, to forget her completely. Trust me, I know how you feel. I know how hard it can be not to want to do something to, as you put it, get revenge. Hell, the honest truth of the matter is it sure as heck sounds like she deserves it. The thing is, you don't deserve it. You don't deserve to keep focusing your time and energy on somebody who hurt you. Initially, it may feel like you are making yourself feel better, but really you are just allowing yourself to continue to focus on a negative part of your life. Not only that, but it could wind up having negative results for you if she might consider what you are doing harassing enough to actually seek legal action.

So, again, my suggestion to you would be to let it go and move on. Forget about her. She does not deserve, nor is she worth, another milli-second of your thought.

But, I'll tell you what.... If you really don't think you can just let it go that simply, here is something you can do that is fairly innocent, and perfectly within your rights to do as a human being who was wronged....

Send her just one final e-mail. DO NOT use profanities, threats, name calling, or anything like that. Make it very simple and very respectful. However, just say to her some of the things you have said to us here. Tell her how wrong it is to string somebody along and then just ditch them at the first sign of somebody else. Tell her how much it is a shame that she would give up on you so easily, because there really could have been something there, or at the very least you could have been a great friend. But, now she lost out on that, and that is really her loss.

Don't ask why she did that or anything like that. In fact, do not structure the e-mail in ANY way to seem as though you are expecting a response from her. Make it clear that you are considering this your final e-mail. I would even recommend you end it very respectfully. Something like "It is a shame that you never gave us the chance to become friends, or perhaps even more, but that is your loss. I wish you the best."

This way, you are taking the high-road, but you still say your piece of mind.

To be perfectly honest with you, I would recommend you not even do that. I would recommend you just break all contact and forget about her. But, it seems obvious you are not comfortable doing that, so I want to offer advice that may actually help you. So, hopefully you will consider something like that, rather than to continue trying to annoy her just for revenge. Again, the person you punish most with that is really your own self.

[TommyW]

Thanx. I was thinking about doing something like that, but the reason I'm generally against it is because she seems like she likes "bay boys", assholes etc. If I send her a nice, high-road message, she might just think that I'm some whiny good guy and be even more glad she ended things. And I doubt she would feel bad after that email, because if she had any conscience, she wouldn't act like this in the first place.

I don't know, maybe I'll do it, I have to think about it a little more.

Still, the fact that she didn't remove me from friends confuses me... Like this is all some big test if I'm good enough or whatever. If she really wanted to break all contact, why not remove me from friends and block me from sending messages to her?

[TheEvilJester]

Frankly, it is entirely possible she enjoys the attention. So, again, you are just feeding into what she wants by continuing to contact her. You are probably right in that she probably will not feel the least bit bad if you send her a nice, respectful message. What you are not realizing, though, is she probably won't feel the least bit bad even if you continue to annoy and harass her. If she felt the least bit bad, she never would have cast you aside so easily in the first place. She would have at least tried to be real with you about it, or at least be apologetic. By simply trying to suddenly break all contact without even first talking to you about it, she has proven she is an immature child who doesn't deserve you or anybody, really.

So, really, nothing you can do is going to give you any satisfaction, or make her even think twice about what she did. Don't worry, though. Karma is a b*tch. She will get hers. You just don't need to concern yourself with trying to be Karma's delivery boy. Find your own happiness and just be content in the knowledge that soon she'll get what she deserves.

[rest77]

TommyW, Am sorry, but it's what it is, so deal with it and be a man!

....stop whining, stop stalking her and stop being weird. Put yourself together and move forward! For heaven sake, you weren't in a "Real" relationship with her and neither have you seen her in person.

And this is one of the creepy behavior that women doesn't like in men. And this is one one the reasons why a woman would not respect you, because you just don't get it when they say NO.

When a woman say NO to a guy and the guy just humbled himself and pulled away quietly without all these drama. In some cases the woman will be the one to be running after the guy and wanting him back. And that is how you get a woman's respect.

Reading your post to your self, you will see that it's all about YOU "What about me, what about me, what about me".

[surfhb]

^^^^^^

This! Tommy? You're acting like a D bag

[TheEvilJester]

You know, I agree that the OP is definitely being overly obsessed with this girl, and going overboard. Thing is, who among us has not been treated poorly by somebody in the past (and I'm not even just talking about romantic relationships) and had a hard time getting over it? Who among us has not wanted to make the person suffer for what they did to us? Most of us learn to just move on and forget it, but that doesn't change the fact that it is so tempting to do something about it.

I think anybody who has ever been wronged by somebody who was supposed to be their friend (or even more) should understand how Tommy feels. And, I would venture to guess that includes all of us. The trick is, though, you need to realize that you are hurting yourself more than anybody by continuing to dwell on it. The point isn't to let go for them, it is to let go for YOU. That is what Tommy should realize.

That said, they are right, Tommy. As much as this girl probably deserves everything you have been doing, you are really only succeeding in making yourself look like the bad guy. Not only that, but instead of allowing yourself to heal and move on, you are choosing to live in the hurt. Trust me, I know it can be hard to move on, but it is for your own good.

[Stay 2gether]

if you are thinking about getting even then maybe you need to find something or somebody to spend your time with i mean i would wanna date a man acting like that i would just be glad to let him go!

[TheEvilJester]

That is a good point as well. By acting like this, not only are you just making her feel even more so like she made the right decision in breaking off contact with you, but you also don't exactly make yourself look all that good to anybody else. Granted, it isn't likely that much of anybody else would know unless you tell them, but still, you never know when crap like that may come back on you. So, why even let it?

[TommyW]

Yeah, I guess you guys are right...

So I decided to let it go for now. The revenge and everything, I don't care about that anymore. In a 2-3-4 weeks, if I'm still interested, I will send her a friendly message, ask her how its going. If she replies and I see it's ok, I will try to arrange a meeting, because after all, I still wanna meet her. I mean, this guy, if he even exists, maybe won't be around after a month. She could diss him as she dissed me. And maybe she'll even contact me, we'll see. I don't think I burned to many bridges, yes I was a bit boring to her and I told her I will keep on texting her just to annoy her, but I didn't actually do it. I maybe sent a message or two too much, but still not too much. I think here I behaved a li will do stuff a lot worse then I actually did to her.

So yeah, I think my biggest problem is I wanted everything now. I wanted her now. I mean, she and I will still be around in 1 month, in 3 months, in 6 months. And she liked me once, maybe in time she realizes she gave up to easily. I still hope that the guy doesn't really exist and that things were just going to fast for her. But even if he exists, and they break up in some time... well, we both had people before, one more, so what.

And yeah, I know that judging by the way she acts now, maybe its best for me to stay away from her. But she actually told me that she is acting like this because it will be the easiest for me if I start to hate her. So who knows, maybe she just thinks we shouldn't be together for whatever reason and wants to make things easy for me (though she isn't). And maybe in one or two months I won't even care about her. But if I do, I will just ask her how its going and see what happens. No harm in that

[surfhb]

Aaaaaahhh. Stop badgering this girl! She doesn't like you. Jeez!