Help?

[*f-bodyfanatic*]

I'm new here, and this initial post might get lengthy. But I do appreciate any help you can give me here......

A little background: I met this guy in chem class... he was quite a unique character. I develped a crush on him, but never told him until it was too late. He had just entered a relationship with a girl that had been bugging him to date for months on end. He graduates, moves to fl with the girl. We lose touch and 3 years go by. Then one night, he signs on aim. The girl cheated on him with her ex, and she was moving back to PA. They were engaged, and it was difficult for him. Anywho, after awhile, he tells me how he felt about me back then too. Feelings were mutual.

So I'm in a serious relationship with another guy, who eventually cheats on me, and leaves me for the girl. So I'm single, and John asked me to come down to FL to be with him. I've never been to FL before, and I'm scared of leaving everything behind, so I didn't. Eventually, I find Tim, who I've been with for just a little over a year now.

So Tim and I's relationship... He's very controlling. Everything has to be his way... he requested that I stop talking to a lot of my male friends, which looking back on it, really sucks. Anyways, we fight a lot, and always have. We'll make up fairly fast, but I can't see this as being healthy. And when we fight, it's usually pretty crazy, sometimes he says a lot of mean things. Also, I don't feel like we connect 100%... like, I have interests, and he's totally not interested in hearing about any of them. Now, he'll talk endlessly about something he's interested in, and I'm expected to listen and respond. This frustrates me. He's also really irresposible - he's 25, and still living with his mom. I 99% of the time sleep here too. The way he keeps his room discusts me, I don't even want to say how bad it is, because it's embarrassing. He's the kind who will get money, and spend it. He wants to take a lot of trips, and just do fun stuff. Yet, he has no car, and no real savings. Now, he's about to start a business in the Keys, and I'm supposed to help. But just the way he has demonstrated in the past how he handles money out and out scares the crap outta me. He can be nice, and he will do anything (to a limit) to help me if I'm in a bind. I care about him, but I'm not 100% happy. I've expressed this to him many times, and not much changes. I can't go too into detail, or this will get way long.

So what's the guy from FL got to do with anything? Well, he's my best friend, and I usually tell him when things are going crappy with my relationship, and I've expressed to him that I'm not happy. So he's asked me to just come down to FL with him... which until recently (3 wks ago) I was never to FL. Now that I've seen it, it's beautiful and I'd love to live there. I was also a little scared on trying our relationship. Anyways... he just moved back to PA - because he says he loves me, and if coming back here for a while to start a relationship is how it has to be done, he will do that. So right now, he's in with his parents... he's not planning on staying in PA, so I don't really see that as being a bad thing. He plans on staying here for 6 - 12 months. He dropped his job, his apt, and got a storage closet down there for his stuff. He drove up here 1000 miles. I do love him... he is THE nicest and THE sweetest guy I have ever known.

So anyways, I think I'd rather be with John, I know he'd make me happy. But I'm with Tim... and I'm afraid for him... His longest relationship was 4 months before me, and he's become totally dependant upon me being here with him. I do care about him, but I just don't think we're to be on this level (maybe friends?) But I know it's gonna break his heart, and I don't want to do that to him... What can I do? I don't want to sacrifice my own happiness on account of keeping someone else happy, but I also don't want to break his heart... I know he'll just lay in bed for weeks w/o moving - cuz that's how he is when he gets depressed/upset. *sigh*

Thanks for reading, and sorry this is so long

[misombra]

you shouldn't be with somebody because you're scared to leave him. be a woman and do the right thing.

[blue]

Leave him the longer you wait the worse it will be. Leave and think. dont jump into anything you are not ready to do. Give yourself sometime, from one relationship to the next is not a good thing trust me i know,oh yeah and the grass may seem greener on the other side but its usually not

[MajorGlory]

Hey my lady sorry but the whole stuff is soo messed up

Your relationship with Tim is a complete disaster! how can you accept such dumb impositions like cuttin with male friends? and how a person not caring about your tastes and interests is gonna love you and support you? this guy is just immature and selfish.. get rid of him is the first thing to do for sure darlin sorry if I speak it out frankly

On the other hand John.. well you got a crush on him 3 years ago and you want to live with him? did I understand right on this one? hey my girl just think for a moment.. is it normal that after 3 years of not keepin in touch this guy logs on the net and says he loves you?

take my advice for relationships but for life as well.. dont rush into things or they will eat you alive
goodluck.. and big hug

[gHEXjt]

First of all, you've got to get rid of your current bf. You said you're not happy, and you shouldn't have to be unhappy. My ex-gf dumped me because she wasn't happy anymore with our relationship, and she is happier now. I was crushed for a very long time, months (we were together 4 years), but I have moved on, and so will your current bf. I wouldn't recommend jumping into another relationship so fast, but if that's what you want, then go for it, cause it sounds like your head & heart aren't in your current relationship anyway. Your bf will get over it, it may take a while, a long while, but he will, and you shouldn't stay with him because you are afraid to cause him pain. At some point he will realize that it is better that you are happy, rather than being with him and being miserable, and at some point he will find someone that will make him as happy as this other guy makes you. Good Luck

[Junket]

you shouldn't be with somebody because you're scared to leave him. be a woman and do the right thing.

Fo' real.

Be a man do the right thing!

[Ellynn]

Tim sounds like a loser. Dump him... Honestly if your not happy its not worth staying in a relatonship. The longer you wait...the harder it will be. But don't do it only because John is now available. Do it for yourself.

As for John.....seeing as he was a crush and now is a friend.....I would suggest that AFTER you get out of your current relationship.....to start hanging out with him and get to know him better. Then decide if a relationship is the way to go. If things work out......you can always worry about the details later on....whether you move down to FL w/ him....or you stay where you are at now. But if you don't get to know him better....I think it would be considered leaping from one thing to another without really thinking about it first. Things have a way of working out......for the best...