Anger issues

[Cierra]

I got with my now spouse when I was 19. I am nearly 28 now. We got married earlier this year. He's had anger issues throughout our relationship, but things HAD been going better, with no serious fights for nearly a year. Now, they are not. He tells me it is my fault completely.

This morning, I had forgotten to put his laundry in the dryer. I didn't do it on purpose. He did his laundry at midnight and went to sleep and told me to put it in the dryer when it was done. I got tired and fell asleep and forgot about it. So, when he woke up for work, his clothes were not dry. I said I am sorry, I forgot, I didn't mean to. He insisted I HAD to say exactly what he said to say, or he was going to get angry. I really, really, really hate being controlled like that. So, I apologized again and told him I was sorry I forgot his clothes. He told me I was not taking responsibility for making a mistake and that real human beings would say what he said to say, not "avoid taking blame" - uh, what? Isn't saying I am sorry, I forgot, taking blame? It's admitting I forgot about it, it's apologizing for doing so. I don't like being handed a script when we speak, like I can't have my own thoughts. I usually give in and even if it's a lie to say what he wants, I say it, just to avoid his anger. But, today I couldn't force myself to, I am just getting so sick of not being able to be my own person.

So, his reaction was to get furious and begin screaming at me, telling me I cannot accept fault for anything. He was punching doors and screaming and get in my face, so I told him he was being abusive. He then broke every dish in the house and said it proved he was not abusive, because that is what he wanted to do to my face but didn't. I gave in and said what he wanted, agreed with whatever he said and such so he would stop. Then he left for work, since his clothes were dry, telling me the house had better be cleaned up when he got back.

I am so incredibly sick of being treated this way. Was I in the wrong for issuing my own apology, in my own words, rather than parroting exactly what he said?

[pcmaster]

I would be angry too in his place. But telling that everything was your fault was wrong because it was his fault aswell in first place since he trusted his clothes to pussy. He probably felt like stabed in the back. Bet he was expecting better from you. Most disappointment brings the closest people. Punching the doors are actually anger issue. Think you shouldnt clean mess after he broke dishes because you didnt do that. If you will clean it he will feel like he was right.
If you dont like his anger you can leave for a while and tell him he have to take anger management classes if he wants get back together.

[woody]

He told you he wasn't being abusive because breaking the plates was what he wanted to do to your face?
WTF.
Lady, pack up, get out. And don't look back
and for goodness sake, don't tell him where your going.

Sorry, I rarely encourage people to split but in this case, it was a no brainer.

I imagine he has hurt you (your just not telling us)
Every plate in the house? Yup, get out. This sounds too scary to live with. Sure, people mess up from time to time. But every plate? All the while he's thinking about your face? Nope, nut job sorry to say.
Time to move on. Won't be easy but it will be worth it. You can't walk on eggshells all the time lady.

[dontaskme]

because it was his fault aswell in first place since he trusted his clothes to pussy.

^^^This coming from a discriminating double standard fukchead. Don't pay attention to that advice.

Your spouse has anger issue without a doubt. I don't care how big of a deal it was for him that his clothes weren't dried off in time for work. He doesn't have the right to disrespect you that way, specially because you are his wife.

And you're right, you shouldn't be losing your voice of reason because he is angry all the time. You have the right to be able to express yourself without being apologetic all the time. The is one of the most basic human need is "to be able to express yourself" without fear or repercussions and "to be your own person".

Tell him that if he doesn't get the help he needs or are willing to change, that you will pack your bags and he can go fukc himself.

You don't need a jerk like him to make you miserable for the rest of your life.

[lost_man]

Leave. Go somewhere safe where there are people who can protect you when he kicks off.

Then go through a period of therapy to work out how you can avoid accidentally repeating the pattern with the next guy.