I need advice.

[UnknownDesigner]

Hey all,

Not sure if this is the right forum for me, just googled it and landed here.

Thought i would give it a try.

I'm an 18 year old boy from the netherlands, and i dont know what i'm feeling anymore.

Haven't felt this shitty in quite some years.

I wrote my problem down last night while i was mad and lightly drunk < not even sure if thats how you'd say that but yeah:

Here it is, and please i need some advice on what to do.

I kinda fell in love with a girl, and it has been a while ago that i ever felt like this.
have i ever felt like this before? ah hell yes, the same damn girl.

i thought this feeling was gone. but it wasn’t .

This prefect girl, perfect Brown hair, perfect brown eyes, a perfect smile and this absolute perfect voice.
She’s kind, cute, caring and most of all loveable.

I know why i like her, so i don’t know why this feels so strange,

This feeling, it feels like i can’t think about any other thing besides her,

Same religion, same humor, same friends, i know her parents, they like me, she knows my parents, and hell they do love her.

But the problem is…

Like 2/3 years ago she asked if i wanted to go with her.
I replied with a fierce no with under a second. I was so scared, and that wasn’t the only thing, i didn’t love how i was, i was so insecure, at that time i got bullied at school.
so how could she be happy with me, if i wasn’t even happy with myself.

and i kinda lost the contact with her. well we spoke to each other like 4 times a year

Well quite some time later puberty hit, got rid of those bullies, i became someone every one told me i couldn’t. i became myself.
I loved me for me, and i kinda forgot about her.

I fully focussed on school, rushed everything they could teach me in the first year and started my own business, with big plans for my second.

I felt so proud, but so incomplete,

Some days later there was a convention about my religion, i went there,

and suddenly i know what was missing .. that girl

knowing she was in spain. first convention with me thinking about her, but she wasn’t there.
So i texted her, searched for contact, looked for my old friend.

Talked to her, she’s back in holland, having a sleep over with friends here at my town.

and then it happened

"Everytime i opened my mouth to her, all that came out was nonsense. I really don’t want to scare her.”

She discovered i was in love, but she didn’t knew/know with who, and i never told her.

She went do amsterdam with her friends

and just this yesterday she texted me, about the fun she had there and about there weren’t any cute boys there.

And it just ****ing hurts, i don’t know why, she isn’t even mine.

She’ll be back in town tomorrow, and i’ll be seeing her then.

But this feels so ****ed up, liking someone so much it hurts.


Feels so ****ing strange, falling in love with the girl i rejected.

Please ignore any of my mistakes ^ My english isn't the best.

I need some advice on what to do; I really like her, but i'm not sure if she feels the same.
From previous experiences i think telling her i like her would screw things up, makes her feel uncomfortable and that we wont talk again.
But i'm so damn scared to lose her to someone else.

She's been a good friend for a while.
Can't discribe this feeling i have right now; i hope you could help me/ support me.

[quirkybear47]

I think you should explain to her how you felt then and now. If she isn't seeing anyone, she might still feel the same. After all, she noticed you before you felt confident about yourself.

See how your next interaction goes. If she is more interested in you and doesn't talk about guys try again. The fact she is your still your friend all these years and wants to meet up shows she still c ares for you to some to degree. What you need to do is prepare yourself for rejection as she may have felt nervous about asking you the first time around. Hope it all works out.