trying to get back with my ex

[roughedges]

Hello all,
i'm in a very complicated situation with my ex girlfriend. Our relationship ended four years ago due to many interferences and also due to how i always overthink at that time as she talked to her admirers a lot. i would panic alot about her leaving me for one of them. in time she couldnt take how i kept overthinking and broke up. after we broke up i constantly messaged her and sometimes she wouldnt reply and i would panic and send more messages. when i realized what i've been doing it was too late. the following year she got over me and found a new boyfriend. that was in 2011 when i stopped trying to talk to her. a year later i found out she had broken up.

i waited somemore after they broke up before talking to her again. two months ago we started talking a lot and in the first month we got a little closer but as friends of course. i made sure to ask if she was still bothered by the things that happened at the time of our relationship and she told me she had moved on. the second month however, she started not texting me as often and replied only after many hours. sometimes i would send another message in between those hours like "hey are you very busy" or stuff like that. i guess it was pretty impulsive on my part.

so i asked her over the phone what was going on and apparently it was because my sending of messages made her feel pestered and it was bringing back the bad memories from all those years ago. she asked if i still had feelings for her and i told her everything. but she rejected me because i have not changed from last time. i asked if we could continue talking as friends and initially she was alright with that. but she changed her mind then next day and said i needed to get over her after so long and it can only be done by not talking to her.

i wanted to continue as friends so i could change for her to see but this wont work if she doesnt let me be friends with her till i get over her.
many of my friends say move on but its really not something i want to do.. she is like the perfect girl and i want nothing else but for her to care about me again.

shes also texting another guy right now who i know to be quite a desperate guy. and im really afraid they will become more than friends.
i really care about her but she doesnt feel the same way. and it pains me to think of her with ending up with someone else.

im so lost on what to do with this situation and im hoping someone here will have an answer
can anyone give me any advice on what to do now?

[surfhb]

So you're asking us what to do when a girl says to stop talking to her because she's tired of your insecurity and compulsivness?

Is that your question?

[roughedges]

i guess so. more like stop having feelings for her?

[surfhb]

So you're asking us what to do when a girl says to stop talking to her because she's tired of your insecurity and compulsivness?

Is that your question?

Delete her number and date other women. Feelings will fade....if they don't then you need to see someone about this issue.

I think maybe you need help now? Why are you still obsessing 4 years later?

[roughedges]

i dont know, i've loved her all the way up to this point. does it count as obsessing??
im really not sure what to do

[surfhb]

So you're asking us what to do when a girl says to stop talking to her because she's tired of your insecurity and compulsivness?

Is that your question?

Yes....going this long thinking about a woman after she's rejected you 2x is not normal

You might want to see therapy

[crossandbone]

As much as this realization is going to hurt- she's not interested in you anymore, so you need to move on with your life. You had your time together and for whatever reason she decided to end things and keep them ended. I understand your attachment to her and not wanting to stop talking to her but her reasoning for no longer wanted to remain in contact is sound.

As hard as it is, you need to listen to her and stop contact. It will be very difficult for you at first but eventually it'll get easier. If you have a close friend, I'd ask them to if they wouldn't mind to be your support system during this time. Maybe send that friend a text or call them whenever you want to talk to your ex. This way your friend can talk some sense into you and keep you from making the mistake of contacting your ex again. Good luck =)

[roughedges]

don't you think it might be possible if maybe i'd change for her to see? Because one of the bigger problems is that i havent changed in her perspective

maybe when she sees that change her decision wont be the same..
What do you think?

[strangetogether]

I second the therapy suggestion and focus on yourself and your own life and what you want out of it.

[crossandbone]

I think it's best the leave that relationship in the past and focus on you and the present. Life is full of such wonderful experiences that you're possibly missing out on because you're so focused on your ex and your past together. Embrace today, I think in turn you will be much happier =)

[roughedges]

i understand what you're getting at!
but what if it was possible to get her back.. she wont talk to me till i get over her so maybe i could wait a little longer and try again right??