ugh how can i let go of my b/f's past?!

[alicia2601]

i'm headin to counseling on Wednesday for the first time and I can't wait!! I seriously cannot eat or sleep, constantly thinkin about what happened when him and I were split up....we both had a sexual encounter w/ one other person, so this sounds pretty hypocritical of me..however he's let everything go, i can't. I think about what they could did in details, everything. He regrets it and he doesn't think about it, he said she was just an object to him, used her...but she lives right across the street from our apt complex which is where everything happened. And she works at the same place he does, just different dept.

I know he loves me, and know for sure that he wants to be w/ me, we're wanting to be engaged soon. Maybe it just took everything that happened during those 2 mts for him to realize that i am who he wants.

I really need some advice here, Wednesday is still 3 days away

[shh!]

I would say that you shouldn't consider getting engaged until you are sure you are over it. Not everyone is capable of resolving this type of issue, and it would be unfair of you to pretend you are okay, marry the guy, and then torture him over it the rest of your life.

[alicia2601]

I would say that you shouldn't consider getting engaged until you are sure you are over it. Not everyone is capable of resolving this type of issue, and it would be unfair of you to pretend you are okay, marry the guy, and then torture him over it the rest of your life.

yea i'm not planning on marrying til this issue is resolved

[Only-virgins]

I dont know. I only know of this problem as people who have it usually dont consider it as a problem and usually split the relationship.

[Illusional]

you again??? and you're still not over your ex bf?? is it really that hard to get over someone?

raverboy

[alicia2601]

my b/f and I got back together 8 mts ago, goofy! :p i'm talkin about what went on when we were SPLIT UP..

[Illusional]

well goofy..the reason why you can't let go of the past is because you always bring it up time and time again. you already know that you're insecure about things, so THIS is something that you need to fix. by not bring up the past, you'll learn to forget about it and move on with your life.

secondly, what went on while you weren't togther shouldn't concern you. you two broke up and that's that. he was single... single...single... i hope that helps. haha

raverboy

[Only-virgins]

Bringing up the past is fun Illusional. What are you trying to be..some tough guy love forums bully? hahaha..oh that just tickled my stomach. She feels un-comfortable with her Boyfriends past...nothing wrong with that...AT ALL. Offcourse when a guy says that he is not comfortable with a girls past you seem to be missing in action...hmm..thats odd.

[pxc]

Just remember this:

The past exists only in your mind. It's only purpose is a tool to reflect, refract, magnify, or diminish to show you what the future might bring. Outside of that, it has no value, no purpose, except what you give it. Don't give it a negative purpose.

The past does not exist. The present is constantly slipping into the past too fast to distinguish. You can only control your future.

[Only-virgins]

Just remember this:

The past exists only in your mind. It's only purpose is a tool to reflect, refract, magnify, or diminish to show you what the future might bring. Outside of that, it has no value, no purpose, except what you give it. Don't give it a negative purpose.

The past does not exist. The present is constantly slipping into the past too fast to distinguish. You can only control your future.

Why bother to control and care for the future when it soon will also become the past? The past must teach...what does a slutty past teach you?. Why punish a murderer for killing someone in the past considering by your statment the past doesnt exist?. Yea, next time my friend mentions some memory Ill just be like "it never happened. The past DOES exist...it exists as an experience inside our conscious mind. If you say that the past doesnt exist because the mind doesnt really exist then ...welcome to the nihilist family

[pxc]

Why bother to control and care for the future when it soon will also become the past? The past must teach...what does a slutty past teach you?. Why punish a murderer for killing someone in the past considering by your statment the past doesnt exist?. Yea, next time my friend mentions some memory Ill just be like "it never happened. The past DOES exist...it exists as an experience inside our conscious mind. If you say that the past doesnt exist because the mind doesnt really exist then ...welcome to the nihilist family

lol I'm not quite a nihilist as of yet but I could be getting there. And punishing a murderer isn't about justice, it's about making examples to control the people so they don't go about killing each other. Maybe the mind doesn't exist though, because the mind can be warped and wrong and far from reality. The mind is subjective to change based on things so simple as chemical changes. If the past exists, take me there. "why bother to control and care for the future when it will soon also become the past?" It's not a matter of controlling the future, it's a matter of controlling the only part of our lives we can (at least apparently, excluding the whole free will debate).

[Only-virgins]

lol I'm not quite a nihilist as of yet but I could be getting there. And punishing a murderer isn't about justice, it's about making examples to control the people so they don't go about killing each other. Maybe the mind doesn't exist though, because the mind can be warped and wrong and far from reality. The mind is subjective to change based on things so simple as chemical changes. If the past exists, take me there. "why bother to control and care for the future when it will soon also become the past?" It's not a matter of controlling the future, it's a matter of controlling the only part of our lives we can (at least apparently, excluding the whole free will debate).

Take you there? Thats like saying "Show me the mind(physically)". Either way then consider me NOT dating non-virgins as an example that I find their past wrong....just like jail time is for murderers.

[pxc]

I suppose that you could say that, but you not dating non-virgins isn't based only in their past. It depends on what you think sex is. A non-virgin probably thinks of it as something differently than a virgin. Or a non-virgin could be seen as weak willed with a lack of self control, or dating a non-virgin could be sort of an interference with the continuation (potential future) of their past relationships. The only time something is based on the past is to reflect the future or the fleeting perspective of the "now." I suppose you could say that YOU are the past. You are the accumulation of what your past has made you. Perhaps having had sex greatly affects what a person adds up to be.

[Ellynn]

Ok Alicia..........so you both did stupid stuff while you were apart. It happens. You slept with someone else and so did he. It happens. But in order to move on you have to get past it. Remember you weren't together when it happened....and you yourself were with someone else......and hes accepting it. So you both should be even. Ok I know that sounds bad...but you both did the exact same thing.

If he wanted to be with her...he would be. If he didn't want to be with you....he WOULDN"T be. How did you feel about the guy you slept with? It was nothing right? It was just a meaningless fling right? Probably how he feels. He obviously is happy with you otherwise he wouldn't be with you......and yes sometimes being with/dating other people make your realize what you truly do want.

If you can't learn to let go of it....then things aren't gonna work out.

[alicia2601]

just last night he was joking around and said "oh honey, you know i dont need you" and i just gave him the death look and said "yea i know you dont"....and he started laughin and said "hey! look at me. Dont ever say or think that I dont need you b/c if i didnt, i wouldnt be here right now" So yea, that kinda goes along the lines of what Ellynn said that if he didnt wanna be w/ me, he wouldn't be...

and what happened was meaningless to both of us...he didnt care a thing for the girl, he barely knew her, although they work at the same workplace. I, myself had been good friends w/ the guy i slept w/ for a few yrs and we still remain friends and my b/f is perfectly fine w/ that. He's in love w/ someone else now as well.