Boyfriend's best friend into me, 3some proposed, I'm unsure

[lovemonster]

So, this is a slow building situation...

My boyfriend of over 2 years has been best friends with this guy he's known since preschool and they're very close, always have been.

I've been friends with both of them for almost 5 years now (I did not actually start dating my current boyfriend until after a few years of being friends) and the man who I'm with now always showed interest in me and actively pursued me after I went through a break up with a previous boyfriend. His best friend never showed any interest in me or gave me much particular attention, even as a friend. I always kind of felt like his "best friend's girlfriend" and not much more. Even during the past 2 years he's treated me similarly, courteous and polite, but never over friendly or flirty.

But the past 6 months I feel like I've noticed subtle changes in his behavior and I'm not sure how to interpret it.

He makes small comments all the time towards me that no one else seems to catch. He'll compliment my clothes, how I decide to style my hair, or my taste in books/websites/movies. He'll agree with almost everything I say now or will take the time to have lengthy conversations with me about deeper topics. He never did ANY of these things prior to this past 6 months. He'd barely pay me or my opinions any more mind than a friendly stranger.

One time, when my boyfriend went out to breakfast with his parents, his best friend invited me out to lunch while we both waited for him to get back (I was living with my boyfriend at the time and his friend had stayed with us on the couch the night before). The whole time he was extremely nice to me, talkative, and offered to pay for everything. I felt like I had been on a date by the time we got back and didn't realize it until it was over.

He also texts me pretty consistently now just to talk about things (we're both veracious readers and my boyfriend, not so much, so we mostly talk about books) or snapchats me selfies of himself (some with no shirt on!).

I've been ignoring these signs for the most part, signing them off as me being paranoid.

But now I have a new problem. My boyfriend and I have recently been discussing trying out a threesome (I'm bi and expressed the interest myself). We agreed a threesome with another female would be fun to try first, but then I said I'd also be interested in doing one with 2 males if that went well. We agreed we'd each get to pick the person of our own respective gender to join so that we'd be comfortable with it.

I am almost 99% sure this past weekend he told his best friend that he wants him to be the one to join us as the 3rd male party. His best friend made a comment to me after we'd been hanging out all night and drinking that went something along the lines of, "By the way, thanks for not trying to **** me tonight." But he said it so low and under his breath I wasn't sure what to think so I didn't say any response.

I'm freaking out because I haven't told me boyfriend anything about his best friend's behavior but I DON'T think it's a good idea for him to be the 3rd person because of the weird tension I've been feeling. I don't want all that tension to come crashing down in front of him as he watches us interact intimately. I think it would turn out horribly.

So my question is this: Should I tell my boyfriend exactly why I don't think his closest friend should be the choice for our threesome or try to distract from the topic and convince him to pick someone else? I feel like he wouldn't want to pick any other guy because it's his best friend, and the guy friend he trusts most (which is probably why he trusts him to be in a threesome with us and it not be weird)?? But I also don't want to create drama around something either! I mean, regardless of the comments he makes or how nice he all of a sudden is to me, he technically hasn't tried anything funny. He's never touched me or tried to kiss me or said anything that's directly hitting on me.

[lovebroken]

Threesome is a bad idea if you actually love person you are with, imo and it's plain weird he'd want his best friend involved, don't do it.

[Simpo]

Haven't got any experience but my advice (sure i've heard this else where too) never have a three some with a close friend or a possible love interest. It should be a stranger sort of thing or someone you haven't known long then there is no connection and it is all about the experience and pleasure rather than getting emotions and feelings involved.

May sound like strange advice but as long as you know the stranger or new friend is clean and is simply in it for the experience then it shouldn't be too much an issue but leave long term friends out of it imo.

[Wakeup]

Yes... tell him that you're falling in love with his best friend to the point that you're reading way too many friendly signals as being intimate/romantic so you don't think that using his best friend would be a good idea.

BUT; *looks into crystal ball* Don't talk to him about it until after your FMF threesome because I have a really good intuition and i'm getting the vibe that your bf will do the FMF just fine and then totally hedge when it comes to doing the MFM threesome...

Ha!

If you want to keep your non-monogamous relationship trustworthy and healthy then yes, you should have all rules and boundaries that are not to be crossed clearly spelled out and agreed to by both so get your pencil out and write down all your questions, concerns, rules and boundaries and have your discussion.

If you don't, you'll just be putting the first nail in the coffin that will hold your dead relationship.

[lovemonster]

Yes... tell him that you're falling in love with his best friend to the point that you're reading way too many friendly signals as being intimate/romantic so you don't think that using his best friend would be a good idea.

BUT; *looks into crystal ball* Don't talk to him about it until after your FMF threesome because I have a really good intuition and i'm getting the vibe that your bf will do the FMF just fine and then totally hedge when it comes to doing the MFM threesome...

Ha!

If you want to keep your non-monogamous relationship trustworthy and healthy then yes, you should have all rules and boundaries that are not to be crossed clearly spelled out and agreed to by both so get your pencil out and write down all your questions, concerns, rules and boundaries and have your discussion.

If you don't, you'll just be putting the first nail in the coffin that will hold your dead relationship.

Hmm, yes I think you're right. He was adamant about using someone he knows and trusts for the male but I already decided the female should be an acquaintance, this should be discussed further. Maybe a MFM one is something we're not ready for. I just wish he would have consulted me first so I could have immediately crossed his friend off the list in the preliminary discussion. Although I do feel somewhat of a connection with his friend at times, I am NOT romantically interested in him nor would I ever leave my current boyfriend for him. I know my man is a much more trustworthy, loving, and supportive person (his friend pretty much cheats on every girlfriend he has). I AM happy in my relationship, but I do think this new step of experimenting with others should be considered delicately.

[tinko]

So, this is a slow building situation...

My boyfriend of over 2 years has been best friends with this guy he's known since preschool and they're very close, always have been.

I've been friends with both of them for almost 5 years now (I did not actually start dating my current boyfriend until after a few years of being friends) and the man who I'm with now always showed interest in me and actively pursued me after I went through a break up with a previous boyfriend. His best friend never showed any interest in me or gave me much particular attention, even as a friend. I always kind of felt like his "best friend's girlfriend" and not much more. Even during the past 2 years he's treated me similarly, courteous and polite, but never over friendly or flirty.

But the past 6 months I feel like I've noticed subtle changes in his behavior and I'm not sure how to interpret it.

He makes small comments all the time towards me that no one else seems to catch. He'll compliment my clothes, how I decide to style my hair, or my taste in books/websites/movies. He'll agree with almost everything I say now or will take the time to have lengthy conversations with me about deeper topics. He never did ANY of these things prior to this past 6 months. He'd barely pay me or my opinions any more mind than a friendly stranger.

One time, when my boyfriend went out to breakfast with his parents, his best friend invited me out to lunch while we both waited for him to get back (I was living with my boyfriend at the time and his friend had stayed with us on the couch the night before). The whole time he was extremely nice to me, talkative, and offered to pay for everything. I felt like I had been on a date by the time we got back and didn't realize it until it was over.

He also texts me pretty consistently now just to talk about things (we're both veracious readers and my boyfriend, not so much, so we mostly talk about books) or snapchats me selfies of himself (some with no shirt on!).

I've been ignoring these signs for the most part, signing them off as me being paranoid.

But now I have a new problem. My boyfriend and I have recently been discussing trying out a threesome (I'm bi and expressed the interest myself). We agreed a threesome with another female would be fun to try first, but then I said I'd also be interested in doing one with 2 males if that went well. We agreed we'd each get to pick the person of our own respective gender to join so that we'd be comfortable with it.

I am almost 99% sure this past weekend he told his best friend that he wants him to be the one to join us as the 3rd male party. His best friend made a comment to me after we'd been hanging out all night and drinking that went something along the lines of, "By the way, thanks for not trying to **** me tonight." But he said it so low and under his breath I wasn't sure what to think so I didn't say any response.

I'm freaking out because I haven't told me boyfriend anything about his best friend's behavior but I DON'T think it's a good idea for him to be the 3rd person because of the weird tension I've been feeling. I don't want all that tension to come crashing down in front of him as he watches us interact intimately. I think it would turn out horribly.

So my question is this: Should I tell my boyfriend exactly why I don't think his closest friend should be the choice for our threesome or try to distract from the topic and convince him to pick someone else? I feel like he wouldn't want to pick any other guy because it's his best friend, and the guy friend he trusts most (which is probably why he trusts him to be in a threesome with us and it not be weird)?? But I also don't want to create drama around something either! I mean, regardless of the comments he makes or how nice he all of a sudden is to me, he technically hasn't tried anything funny. He's never touched me or tried to kiss me or said anything that's directly hitting on me.

3somes and even 4somes are very common nowadays. It doesn't mean the couples are not serious about their relationships. Sometimes 3somes and 4somes may even heal a strained marriage... As long as all parties know their limits. The idea sounds outrageous at first, but if you take time to think it over, you will come to like such relationships. I don't mean group sex and orgies; they are too wild and hard to control. For a start I recommend a 4some instead of a 3some where you will be the odd person out. In a 4some, you have a companion and confidant.