Egoistic boyfriend who puts me down

[lovebroken]

Off your original first post, HeartWeaver he sounds selfish and domineering and likes to be the dom in the relationship and you take the more sub role where what he says goes and you do not challenge it. He is probably this way with others too even in his work, he is older than you? If he hasn't replied to you in over a week, he is playing games because after a day or two someone who cared about you would reply even if still angry at you.

[Askalovegoddess]

he sounds like a narcissist, if so, his behavior will get worse. Also, he may think you need him so when you disagree, you are challenging him, which in turn makes him feel that you really don't need him. That's his ego and his problem. But he first would have to see it as a problem, and that will be the challenge. Your responsibility is to take care of you and be the best person you can for yourself. It sounds like his behavior is controlling. You just need to see the situation for what it is and then decide what you feel you can handle or want from the relationship and if it's worth you feeling devalued at times.

[TablesandChairs]

Your 'I'm resigning myself' attitude is the biggest problem I see here. I'm assuming you're young so why on earth would you think 'it's this or nothing?'. Sure, there are plenty of jerks out there - I've been there/done that. Trust me, I know what it's like to date a controlling/over-sensitive type. I had to censor myself every time I had an opinion. Once I knew the signs to look out for, I made sure I never dated that type of person again. Easy.

He's hyper-sensitive to criticism to the point that you're not allowed to be a person with your own voice - this isn't 1925.

[HeartWeaver]

Your 'I'm resigning myself' attitude is the biggest problem I see here. I'm assuming you're young so why on earth would you think 'it's this or nothing?'. Sure, there are plenty of jerks out there - I've been there/done that. Trust me, I know what it's like to date a controlling/over-sensitive type. I had to censor myself every time I had an opinion. Once I knew the signs to look out for, I made sure I never dated that type of person again. Easy.

He's hyper-sensitive to criticism to the point that you're not allowed to be a person with your own voice - this isn't 1925.

By resigning I don't mean settling for this guy who does not respect me, I mean just deciding to give up on love altogether because I am too tired to go on. Also I try not to generalise because there are good people out there, but I'm just either not attracted to them or never get to meet them. I'm not attracted to outright assholes or the genuinely nice guys (I find that I naturally repel them anyway), but it seems that I tend to get attracted to the wolf in sheep's clothing type. So the problem is with me, not the dating field.

I'm tired of being heartbroken time and again, I am only attracted to 10% of people (so I consider myself picky) and the chances of that does not correlate with reality because I am not that good-looking myself.

Aside from my previous relationships, I only attracts guys whom I am not attracted to: desperate ones and those who only want me for sex, though the latter is partly my fault since I was open to FWBs then. Moreover I am really socially awkward and that does not help with dating.

I don't trust my judgment regarding choice of a future partner, and besides those who are in my league aren't mentally healthy ones. I lowered my standards, and I get worst people. If I increase my standards, and I can't find anyone. I'm tired of waiting for someone, and I realise that I don't need someone in my life to continue my existence. Sure, I'll be lonely, but if I gradually get used to it instead of opening myself up to someone and getting hurt and going back to square one, at least my life would be bearable when I shut everyone else out of my heart. A relationship is a luxury, not a necessity.

I don't get all these traditional courtship stages, changing oneself to attract someone and emotional games people play to get love, in fact it sounds absurd to me. I just want to have someone whom there's a mutual love towards to marry and start a family with, it's that simple. I'm not interested in all those wishy-washy stuff. So with that understanding that the absurd dating world out there is simply not suited for me, I get real and quit the game early, instead of being exhausted meeting so many people who does not fit me, I might as well just save my energy.

If someone starts liking me and they're acceptable enough, I'd settle for them or I may take a mail order groom once I've saved up enough, but in the meantime I don't bother initiating interest to anyone and getting involved with courtship anymore.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, he doesn't seem to care enough to reply to me at all. I've apologised to him again. I'll give him a week, if he's still doesn't reply and is still throwing a tantrum then I'd just cut off from him. It's ok, though, I've given up on love and I believe it's not worth the energy and risk. Hearing about how people are scum (at least most of them) just makes me more convinced that I should forget it.

Don't give up on love. I absolutely know how you feel. It can be extremely difficult sometimes not to think there is no hope. I've wrestled with it many times myself. But, the truth of the matter is you are much better off being alone than you are being with somebody who doesn't treat you right. Somebody who brings you such grief.

I know how you feel. I've become somewhat of a jaded person through the life experiences I have had. Honestly, though, I wouldn't change a thing about it. It has given me a very thick skin. Admittedly I have been having a rough time lately, but typically it is darn near impossible for things to get to me, and when they do it is even more unlikely that they'll stick for long.

Though it can be hard to see sometimes, from time to time you maybe just need to take a break and focus on you. But, you will find love some day, whether this guy actually shapes up and becomes that Mr. Right, or whether Mr. Right is still out there wondering where the Hell you are.

I may not have a very high opinion of humans after the life I've lived, and sometimes it is SO hard not to give up.... but I cannot and will not ever give up. I will no longer let people hurt me or use me and get away with it, but I will never stop searching for great new friends, for good people, and for eventually that one special gal. I may not believe it will ever happen, but that won't stop me from trying.

Don't give up on love. Don't let the scumbags of the world ruin your life experience. You don't deserve that. To Hell with them all. You TAKE your piece of the metaphorical pie.

[michelle23]

I agree with jester. Dont give up on love bit don't ever settle for second best. Be alone if your not happy and love will come

[HeartWeaver]

Don't give up on love. I absolutely know how you feel. It can be extremely difficult sometimes not to think there is no hope. I've wrestled with it many times myself. But, the truth of the matter is you are much better off being alone than you are being with somebody who doesn't treat you right. Somebody who brings you such grief.

I know how you feel. I've become somewhat of a jaded person through the life experiences I have had. Honestly, though, I wouldn't change a thing about it. It has given me a very thick skin. Admittedly I have been having a rough time lately, but typically it is darn near impossible for things to get to me, and when they do it is even more unlikely that they'll stick for long.

Though it can be hard to see sometimes, from time to time you maybe just need to take a break and focus on you. But, you will find love some day, whether this guy actually shapes up and becomes that Mr. Right, or whether Mr. Right is still out there wondering where the Hell you are.

I may not have a very high opinion of humans after the life I've lived, and sometimes it is SO hard not to give up.... but I cannot and will not ever give up. I will no longer let people hurt me or use me and get away with it, but I will never stop searching for great new friends, for good people, and for eventually that one special gal. I may not believe it will ever happen, but that won't stop me from trying.

Don't give up on love. Don't let the scumbags of the world ruin your life experience. You don't deserve that. To Hell with them all. You TAKE your piece of the metaphorical pie.

Firstly, thanks for your encouragement, though that's not quite the mindset that I am coming from.

I've mentioned it in my earlier post but I'll sum it up. I'm just not suited for the dating field, despite trying to make adjustments and adaptations for myself. Other than those whom I was in a relationship with, mutual attraction alone is hard enough to find (let alone overall relationship compatibility), and it doesn't help that I am picky. I used to think that I was not but now I know that I am only deluding myself with denial. Also I don't trust my judgment anymore, yet I cannot bring myself to be with someone whom I don't feel anything for (who may be a better match for me in the long term).

I'm not in a privileged position to be picky with my lackluster life and below standards physical appearance (I used to think myself as sufficiently attractive around a 6/10 but criticisms say otherwise). I am equally picky for other things in my life like my career and my refusal to settle for second or third best has ruined my life. I believe that's going to be the same for my love life and my attitude will ruin it sooner or later if I don't quit soon.

Relationships and heartbreak can get mentally tiring, and I can't fit into the traditional dating scene. So I decide to withdraw with those factors in mind because it's a futile venture that goes nowhere.

[TheEvilJester]

Sure, there is a bit of a balancing act between whether somebody is too picky and whether they are just picky enough. I mean, you definitely do not want to settle for somebody who is not worthy of you just because you don't think you can do any better. Yet, at the same time, you don't want to have your standards be so ridiculously high that you'll never find anybody.

Of course, you also don't want to go with somebody from whom you feel like you are "settling," particularly if there really is nothing wrong with them. Maybe they are just not quite your type or whatever. Nobody deserves to be with somebody who considers them a consolation prize.

It isn't like you can just force yourself to lower your standards, though. I wish I could offer advice here, but it isn't really a problem I have personally had.

I suppose the best you can do is to just keep trying, even if and when it seems like it isn't worth it. Trust me, I know how that feels. I've been there. But, sadly that is life sometimes. Nothing comes easy. Hell, a lot of good stuff in life comes only with a healthy dose of scratching and clawing your way to the top. You gotta fight for life, even when it doesn't seem worth the effort. Trust me, I know I am just sounding like an inspirational poster. I know how hard that can be to believe at rough times. But, it is better than the alternative of just giving up.