Online disaster...

[Mermaid]

Hi people It´s been a while since I hadnt posted here, work and some other stuff,..anyway Im here asking for advice again
Here´s the link of the previous thread I started so you guys can have an idea of my story
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/t6587-is-online-love-hopeless.html[/url]
After a couple of months more of being close he mentioned he had a gf, I knew he was dating someone but wasnt sure if he was still with her, so I tried to show him my interest in a more serious way you know, if he was interested in meeting me before he committed (I will call this guy R, so you guys dont get confused later on)

I gave him PLENTY of chances to tell me he didnt like me or that he loved his gf so much, instead he would do these confusing moves, once I wrote to him that if he knew that even though I might get a boyfriend here that my heart belonged to HIM, I didnt get a reply, I got a virtual flower from him, in real life he does that as a first move to reach the girl he likes.

Anyway much later he told me that if things went well in a couple of months he was gonna ask his gf to move in with him, then I asked him to meet me first, I mean if he was gonna be a committed man from now on, that he would let me be the last girl he meets, I wasnt asking him to cheat of his girlfriend no-o, but to meet as friends to see if the spark we had on the internet we had it on real life.
He said that we shouldnt mix up both worlds, and that he didnt believe in online romances, When I cornered him sayin that online things do work in some cases and I asked him if the distance between us was the only problem, he said..."to be honest, you are not really my type, I have these high standards for women and my mother tells me to lower them down"
I was so hurt and I told him I was so stupid for putting my eyes on someone like him, when there were some other guys interested in me, then he asked.. really? online or real? then I said.."both"

...He had told me before I was good looking..
After this I stopped talking to him, but later he apologyzed saying he was so stupid and that the standard thing, what he meant was that he looks at some features in women that sadly cant come thru text on a screen and thats why he had never experienced an online romance, I replied saying it was OK and when he asked me "would you have moved here? have u really think this thru, your not being realistic" I replied saying that if he wasnt with anyone and had asked me for a chance to be with him for a while to see if it worked, I would have said yes.

He put a big effort to recover my friendship, but I still felt hurt.. I wasnt seeking for revenge but, an opportunity came after..
On his forum there had always been a guy I disliked a lot, a friend of mine told me this guy made a joke about me a year ago that R even laughed at it!! So I told R about it, then he told me to get over it that internet stuff like that shouldnt bother me that he had real problems. Fine, I ignored his message, I thought of ignoring him for a month or so, well three days later he sent me this email where he sounded hurt because I was ignoring him and he even threatened me to take the hosting off my site
I really had a kick out of his message, I mean he says internet stuff doesnt bother him, and he tends to be cold, controlled, short worded, realistic...

So we started a fight,he would email me from work, then in the afternoon, then again before going to bed, and I would do pretty much the same,
Later he surrendered and told me he was having a lousy time -I guess he was trying to tell me the relationship with that girl was over- I controlled myself and didnt ask. He said he was going back to his old vodka bottle, as a joke.

Some days ago, somehow the flame war started again, on his forum, this time I defended myself from the guy and my friends supported me, then R came and locked everything up and I got mad at him for not letting me say what I thought of the guy, it all turned out in disaster, I lost my temper and I told him REALLY ugly stuff I guess I was still so hurt at him for breaking my heart I took this board stupidity as a reason for taking out everything I felt,

He got reeaaally mad at me and said that our friendship was over, and stopped talking to me. I thought he would forgive me easily so I sent him a gift by mail, but now Im not so sure if the idea is ok..
I wanted to leave this disastrous online relationship after he broke my heart but somehow he has managed to grab back my attention,when I asked him seriously if he had deleted my website for real, he said "no, I just wanted your attention"
I wanted to prove my point that Internet stuff really affects him but I paid a high price, now Im afraid he would return my gift, any thoughts people?

Prodigal u around there? lol you pretty much knew all the story but the last lines :p

[justonekiss]

I think you should send it, but send a card or letter with it explaining your thoughts on why this all happened. Sometimes guys need a precise list of why you are doing things to even begin to understand them. If nothing else, it's a token of your appreciation for your long friendship, maybe even a parting gift. Tell him at the least to let you know when it got there, and perhaps you can get closure on the whole thing.

[Mish]

Wow, i cant believe i actually read all of that lol

Ummm, ignore him, that appears to work best on this guy... Personally I'm not really sure if he's worth it, he doesnt sound like a very nice friend. I know for sure if one of MY friends threw something like this at me i'd be asking them to take a serious chill... Unless of course you see him MORE than just a friend - My opinion though, long term cross country relationships really dont work (except for rare rare rare rare rare exceptions)...

Well, I hope the ignoring part will help bringing your friend back snooping around for you. He sounds like a very possessive emotional type with attachment problems. I have a feeling you haven't seen the last of him

Respect...

[Mermaid]

Im sorry.. yeah you are right my post is so loong :p I edited it a bit hmm but its still long..lol
anyway what you say about not being a good friend at all, well sadly he was, in the past, we have known each other for like 4 years, he has taught me a lot of stuff and we always had such a great time together, and from 6 months ago till now was when our relationship became closer, and we would be in touch everyday...I felt a change you know, from being a good friend he would email like once a week or so, of that would help me with technical issues every now and then, he started to get closer to me.. even if there wasnt anything "technical" to talk about..we would email each other to drop bad jokes and stuff like that..then the 3 hour lenght chat convos and all that I mentioned before..

justonekiss: yeah, the gift has a letter inside where I explain to him I still consider him a good friend..still I might not know what his response is, till he gets it, that is, two weeks from now...

BTW he thinks I have a boyfriend, as I dated someone several times he got the idea I had a boyfriend and I never cleared that up to him

[Lady24]

In my opinion..hmm as crazy as it sounds for me he has feelings for ytou too, but doesnt want to admit it that is why he becomes so emotional with you even when you say he is cold and short-worded with everyone else, i think he sees too many obstacles between you two that is why he pushed you away but in my opinion, he has an interest for you though i wouldnt dare to say he loves you back or what..
im curious though, to know what did u say that made him so angry?

[Mermaid]

hey Lady24, why do you say he might have feelings for me too?
and what I told him humm well I told him to go fu** himself and his board..and a lot of nasty stuff like that..you know, that this guy -the one I hate- was his girlfriend and that I hoped the two of them had a great time together..yeah.. I was mean

[Lady24]

hey Lady24, why do you say he might have feelings for me too?
and what I told him humm well I told him to go fu** himself and his board..and a lot of nasty stuff like that..you know, that this guy -the one I hate- was his girlfriend and that I hoped the two of them had a great time together..yeah.. I was mean

well yeah you were mean..good thing is your willing to fix up things, anyway I say when theres a whole love-hate relationship between two people, that just cant stay away one from each other -in this case its a communication that is never lost- I say one needs to hear from the other, even if its for fighting only, -anyone help me here lol -
I dare to say there are feelings involved, you know like the little kid at school that pulls your pony tail to get your attention cos he has a crush on you
I dont think he will reject the gift..we will just have to wait for his reply...

[Tone]

The EXACT same thing happened between me and a lady here on LF named shh! She said she won't talk to me until I'm 40 so hopefully you have better luck than me...

In all seriousness... I didn't know there were internet soap operas lolz...

I don't know what to tell you - besides good luck? Maybe give up on this guy and find someone closer to you... I just can't see how you can "be" with someone who lives so far from you... who you may or may not have seen before.. this guy sounds pretty immature.. but then again, no offense, so do you.. you guys both pretty young I assume?