I don't like sex :(

[Summer069]

I'm 31 years old, female. I've never had any negative sexual experiences, or been molested or abused. I am a bit shy with my body.
I've never liked sex, I'd even go so far as to say I kinda hate it. I find it a pain because it always creates insecurities and tensions for me, as I know guys just love sex. And I never get anything out of it. Thing is, its never felt that good for me. Orgasms are nice but I can do that myself. I know I'm "tilted" but that really shouldn't matter, it just means some positions are uncomfortable. I do have depressive tendancies but not enough for that to be the cause.
I'm never horny (unless I'm hungover) and only sometimes will watch porn by myself.
My current partner of around 3 years is an angel, never pushes me for sex, I don't think hes ever even initiated! I don't think he has a high sex requirement but obviously he does need it, as every male does. We only do it about once every 2 months, I could happily go without. I feel like I wouldn't even mind if he slept with someone else so he gets what he needs!
With a new relationship obviously its so much better and more exciting, but never mind blowing and I hate it if it goes on too long. I love it when guys come quickly so its over with. I watch movie scenes where they're panting and sweating and feel so inadequate and jealous.
A close friend said you need to be really turned on and well lubricated, even when I'm wet I dry up pretty quick during sex cause it doesn't feel good. I've never had a partner that has spent a lot of time turning me on, after so long I feel I can't be bothered trying new things.
Can anyone relate or offer advice? Do I need to experiment more with myself to find out what works? Do I need to take horny pills? Do I need to see a doctor?

Please, please serious answers only.
THANKYOU!

[vashti]

I've never had a partner that has spent a lot of time turning me on,
THANKYOU!

Assuming you are able to bring yourself to orgasm, and you find orgasms to be pleasurable, this is very likely a large part of your problem.

Lots of men think they are rock stars in bed, but few of them are. They need to be told what to do.

[michelle23]

Sex is bad for most women unless you can communicate what you want in bed and be a little demanding. Of course you hate it if your dry and its uncomfortable or painful. You need foreplay.

Ask him to try and find your gspot. Those orgasms are more intense and it will make sex better for you. He should also aim to make you orgasm before sex so you are wet during sex and it doesn't feel uncomfortable.

Don't go that route of letting him find sex elsewhere. That will ruin the intimacy between you and you risk him falling for someone else. Its just pushing him away out of fear and insecurity.

You could see a sex therapist or read a book on female sexuality. I think the problem here is you have never learned what works for you with a man-only what works when your alone and you need to explore it coz it can be so much better with someone else if you try.

Also the more sex you have, the more orgasms, the more you enjoy it-the more you will start to want it. I do think its incredibly boring only having sex 6times a year and even if he doesn't say it-he likely is bored and frustrated. Its things like this that prevent men from marrying you so you really need to step up and learn to be more comfortable and open with your sexuality.

You also need to deal with your body issues and feel sexy. Love who you are

[omnifarious]

In order to for you to enjoy sex you need to get past your insecurities. Trust and communication are key. If you need lots of foreplay to enjoy sex you need to communicate that to your partner. You should feel comfortable and relaxed around your partner. If it feels like a chore, you need to stop. It should be a mutually enjoyable experience which shouldn't simply revolve around attaining a simple orgasm. It is an important part of intimacy but it isn't everything and it shouldn't be the only objective in mind in a relationship. Focusing only on orgasming may be a source of anxiety for some.

Perhaps looking at sex from another angle might help.

Also, have you ever considered you might be a hetero-romantic asexual?

[dem862]

It's only a problem if you are unhappy about it. I don't see anything in your post that indicates you are unhappy with your situation. You have a boyfriend who tolerates you. What else do you want? Just suffer through the 5 minutes every two months. Some people just aren't into sex. It's not a big deal really. Now if it is making you or your partner unhappy, then you have a problem. If not, then don't buy into other people's expectations of what your sex life should look like.

[Leialoha1975]

I think that sex is great when you are comfortable with yourself, your beauty and.. know what turns you on. Try something new!
I also don't know if allowing him to go to another woman for sex is a good idea... just my thoughts. Have a sexual adventure honey!

[lost_man]

This kind of passive attitude to why things aren't working baffles me.

If you want results you have to do things! Talk to him, communicate, research a lot, try new things, try to be more tactile during the day the both of you so when it gets to sex-o-clock it feels more natural. He should want to give you orgasms, take the time to turn you on, make you scream like a banshee…that's half the fun!

Don't go to a doctor, they'll only give you some god awful drugs. Seek more holistic therapies for this kind of thing. Get researching and do it together!

[fearoflove]

Sex is in the mind. Watch some porn, fantasize, etc.

[woody]

I've said it before and i'll say it again. To boost your own libido, try some Ginseng. Look into which type would best suit you as it has many other positive affects besides making one's libido increase.

Having a good sex life is important.

GINSENG. the stuff works and has done so for thousands and thousands of years. Tried and true.

Don't be beating yourself up over expectations of what you think others feel or do regarding such. We are all different in these ways.

Good thing you have an understanding man. You must exercise more compassion towards your self.
Makes me wonder if there's more to your story.
There are many ways to connect physically with our lovers. Massage, pampering, bubble baths, dinners cooked.

Try the Ginseng, give it some time to work and see if you notice the difference.

[lovebroken]

Maybe some kind of role play would help? Maybe the routine of it doesn't interest you, if you change up how and where you have sex, have you? that might help excite you more.