Confused & We Have a Long History

[Elevators]

So this is a long story, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible...

I've known this particular guy since high school. He was the first guy who ever asked me out, so with me being nervous I told him that I needed some time. Within a few weeks, I told him that I was in a relationship, but by then he had already moved on. After that we remained close friends, who were still attracted to each other. Throughout the rest of high school we had on and off physical relationship. My feelings for him were always there but suppressed because of his earlier rejection. Before he left for college (he is 1 year older than me), I had told him I loved him. He said he loved me as a person and friend, but was not "in love with him."

Fast forward to college, and we still kept in touch to see how one other was doing every few months. We would share secrets, crazy stories, and things about past relationships. Within the past year, we began to communicate more frequently (a few times each week). He was beginning to flirt with me again and have deep conversations too. Since he was graduating in May, we discussed what he would be doing career wise. He explained to me that he was going off to army bootcamp this summer. So all while were communicating and flirting, I tried to tell myself not to get attached because he's going away. He would ask me questions like "Would you ever move to another city after graduation?" and "Could you possibly work from home with your career?". I would answer, and ask why he asked me these questions. He explained to me that he was only just wondering, but I always thought there were deeper reasons for these questions. He also frequently jokes and tease about us getting married and would ask "when is our wedding".

After he graduated, he came to visit me before he left for bootcamp. We hung out and went out to eat, and watched a movie. This whole time he is flirting with me and says how he is going to miss me when he goes away. He's also feeding me other compliments. He held my hand the whole time we were together and being affectionate in general. Later that same night we both decide to drink, and he ends up telling me he loves me. He brings up the time I told him I loved him in high school and how he just wasn't ready to say the same to me back then.He said how he appreciates that I've been there for him over the years and that I've been so supportive of him no matter what. He also talks about the future, saying that he wants fly to me wherever he is stationed and wants me to be "involved" in his life. He said he would write and call me while he's away. After this conversation, I fell asleep and he got up to return some missed phone calls. His voice woke me up, but I pretended to still be asleep. He was on the phone with his mother (she was wondering where he was), and he had proceeded to tell her he was staying with me. He also returned a call to one of his friends, saying "I think she's [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] ."

Honestly, I was little bit skeptical of all of this because he was drunk when he said he loves me. He ended up staying the night and things were not awkward the next morning. We cuddled for an hour and hug and kiss me in public as we walked outside to get some breakfast. He again repeated how much he would miss me, and that he would write me when he got the chance. I wanted to give him the chance to bring up what we talked about the previous night, but he didn't. And I hadn't mustered up enough confidence to ask him about it. He planned to see me the next day, right before he left for bootcamp and that's when I planned to have a conversation about what happened. Unfortunately, he was too busy with my family to see me that day so I did not bring it up. I could have brought it up while we were texting, but I would rather have that conversation in person.

Now he's away at bootcamp and I haven't received any letters or phone calls from him. Theres a multitude of reasons I could have not received one, so I'm trying not to jump to conclusions. So my question is... do you honestly feel like he wants something more serious with me? or is he just another guy playing the field?

[Lilia]

How did you react when he told you that you were the one for him?
If he feels that there's no challenge for him that he should go through in order to win your heart, he will lose attraction and interest in you.
That's how a guy's mind works unfortunately. You should always give them less than what they ask for.

[Elevators]

How did you react when he told you that you were the one for him?
If he feels that there's no challenge for him that he should go through in order to win your heart, he will lose attraction and interest in you.
That's how a guy's mind works unfortunately. You should always give them less than what they ask for.

Hey lilia,
I told him that I felt the same way towards him. Even though I told him h about my feelings, I don't think I've been overly giving towards him. For instance, whenever he jokes about marrying me, I jokingly say back "you're gonna have to do way more work if that's what you want." I think I give subtle hints.

Plus he spoke nothing about committing to me, so I have mentioned nothing of the sorts either.
But I do deeply care about him and would be willing to be committed to him if that's what he wanted also.

[Lilia]

"This whole time he is flirting with me and says how he is going to miss me when he goes away. He's also feeding me other compliments. He held my hand the whole time we were together and being affectionate in general. "- Do you understand that this doesn't mean that he loves you? that it doesn't mean anything? Actions count, words don't.

My advise - do not give him sex easily. Play with him, tease him, make him sweat. Also make sure that he knows that there are other guys who can take you away from him but deliver it to him in a way like you are annoyed with that attention and like you r not making a big deal out of it.

[Elevators]

"This whole time he is flirting with me and says how he is going to miss me when he goes away. He's also feeding me other compliments. He held my hand the whole time we were together and being affectionate in general. "- Do you understand that this doesn't mean that he loves you? that it doesn't mean anything? Actions count, words don't.

My advise - do not give him sex easily. Play with him, tease him, make him sweat. Also make sure that he knows that there are other guys who can take you away from him but deliver it to him in a way like you are annoyed with that attention and like you r not making a big deal out of it.

I know this doesn't mean he loves me. I am only explaining details of our day together. I was honestly thrown off by him saying that he loves me.

My thoughts are that he does care about me, but maybe the feelings got exaggerated when he was drunk. And you're right. Love is proven by actions, so I would have to wait and give it more time until he returns.

[Lilia]

Also, you say you were always there for him supporting him as a friend.
And when he visits you, you get intimate with him.
He got all the benefits of a relationship without having to commit. Why would he want to change anything about it? Everything is perfect for him right now.
If you don't always have time for him, he will see that he is not number one on your lists of priorities cos he doesn't invest as much as your standards claim. That will make him work harder to make you fully his.

[toknow]

How did you react when he told you that you were the one for him?
If he feels that there's no challenge for him that he should go through in order to win your heart, he will lose attraction and interest in you.
That's how a guy's mind works unfortunately. You should always give them less than what they ask for.

If someone truly likes you, they will not need a challenge to be interested in you.
They will want you more and more, no matter how much you show them you like them, no matter how long you are together...