He just went.....weird awkward comments?

[wispa]

Hello

I thought I would venture over to this site thinking, "I am hoping I could possibly reach for an answer from a male's perspective"....she says fingers crossed!

So, ok....deep breath!

I met someone online (I know not a good start I hear you say!) and well he was the same age, good job, worked in the city, shared exactly, (freakily so) the same interests and we got on well, very well over email for what seemed like a month, then exchanged numbers and off we go. He isn't my normal type but it was the intellect, the same interests and humour that made it so interesting, when chatting everyday.

So, he wasn't too good on the old photo front and didn't really want to send any over, what he did send, I was still attracted to, as I had seen a photo of him online too. We meet for the first date, he is still nice, not a wow factor but admits to never taking compliments well, and someone said to him that he didn't have a pretty face, so don't think he was too hot on compliments from me and didn't take them well. On that first date, we got on, laughed, joked, etc, he mentioned we were very different, he was more logical and analytical and myself more creative and dreamy, in some ways true but mentions we have exactly the same taste outside of this analysing our personalities, well from his case anyway.Then asks what do I think, I said yes I agree we are different but the same in others.

He goes on to tell me he has been single 4 years, he is 39 and his wife ran off with one of his mates, whilst at the same time dating 2 others at the end of their marriage and throwing it in his face, he sounded quite bitter still and hadn't dated anyone since, but is now divorced. So not sure what to think after he tells me the full story but whatever it is, he doesnt talk about it again. I ask about his job, he mentions it for an hour, that was heavy, how he has moved up over the years to become director (Banking/finance) and may decide he wants to work in Hong Kong next year unless of course he meets someone, so doesnt think its something he wants to do, if thats the case.

3 dates later, things are good, we have a great time, and the following date back at mine for some food, in-between all this a lot of flirty texts and things are heating up....he asks me to stay over on the 2nd date, that was no way from me as too soon, but by the time we reach the 3rd date, we are or more like he is full on with me in the kitchen and dinner isn't quite happening...now this is where it gets a tad strange....you can imagine, in the moment....things are going, well ok...how can I put this without sounding embarrassing, he doesnt want me to do anything, so holds me down.... and well blurts out "don't get bored of me sexually will you?" to which Im a tad put off and say ok I won't, but really I didn't really know what to say all the while thinking...strange? It didn't put me off, just wasn't expecting that and needed time to think what to say afterwards.

Afterwards and sitting downstairs, eating dinner he says, you are ticking the boxes.....can cook, we are sexually compatible.....good looks....but I have to tell you this story.....he goes on to tell me about his mates hooking up with these women on holiday, taking them out, i.e. the boys and the waitresses and most of the men were married/partners only for me to say, you think thats impressive? thats not good, should have kept that one for the boys don't you think?

Awkward moment and he said "maybe I shouldn't have said that comment?" yes, I felt that to be true.....so that night when he gets home he sends a text, had a lovely time, are you ok? I reply, really good thanks..... and that was it, nothing since!...nothing the next day, or the next or that week.....a week later....after thinking about his comments more.....i send him an email just a quick one as didn't want to put it on text, (this is something I have never encountered be it online or with anyone I have dated i.e. just gone with no comment....nothing.....!)

I mentioned 2 things on email, his comment in bed and the boys thing....and still enjoyed his company but not sure what to think or what to say after those comments...I said there are no hard feelings, he replied with no hard feelings from me either....that was it, so by the looks of things he has gone awol and doesnt want to talk about it. Even if I have tried to banter with him again like we use to, expelling i still liked him... nothing....tried the nice approach, nothing, now left him as one week later...I'm bored of this...

I was kind of angry, then felt he didn't want to talk ...so left him alone and thought ok fair enough its not for you. He recently told me via email before we met, that his dad left when he was young and really hates him, he doesnt talk to him and has no means of ever wanting to talk to him as well as hating his step dad too and admits to a background that has made him very independent and maybe too much so. Quite the opposite of mine but I don't hold it against him.

Our backgrounds are different, parents still together etc things are good after 50 years together and thought ok this guy just isn't on the same page and maybe it was me, so without analysing it, I am moving on but very odd and maybe the warning signs were there at the beginning re the ex, his background and single and admitting money was more important than love in one question online.....I really don't know but normally I get an odd feeling however when two people get on, share the same things exactly...... its strange to think differently.....

have I answered my own question lol oh boy!!

thank you, don't shoot me just yet

[dontaskme]

Don't over analyze this for what it is. This is very plain and simple, this guy was on line dating for one reason, to hook up with women to have sex. End of story.

[wispa]

ok thats fair enough....but there was no indication of it at the start where others are more obvious so I suppose I am angry at myself for not seeing that....grrrrrrr!!!! rant over....

[mindymoo]

How on earth can money be more important than love?

He certainly slipped up over that comment he made and you caught on to it.

Onwards and upwards I say!

[dontaskme]

ok thats fair enough....but there was no indication of it at the start where others are more obvious so I suppose I am angry at myself for not seeing that....grrrrrrr!!!! rant over....

Guys are not going to make it obvious that they are only after sex. You've learned from this, move on!

[lost_man]

I just think his family and wife have done some damage and he's a bit weird now as a result. Best to move on.

[HeartWeaver]

If he is not talking to you, there's nothing you can do. Best to just move on.