FWB gone wrong...HELP

[michelle23]

I will defend OP when people start the name calling and abuse if I want to. I didn't say she doesn't need a reality check-she got the message loud and clear so why keep attacking her. This forum is designed to help others-not a place to vent your own crap. People can start their own thread for that

[Wakeup]

Once again you fail to read.

You can defend who the **** you want... it doesn't mean you have to because surely, through this long thread you've come to realize that the Op is capable of defending herself.

No one was attacking her and No... she didn't quite get that she's not a victim until it was reiterated to her why she wasn't.

End of conversation: This was a good thread to (as you like to put it) "educate Newbies" on the workings of a player/love avoidant. Don't get it closed over your own ego and fear of being "wrong"

[dickriculous]

Are you serious? Just because I dont agree with some of your warped views on sex doesn't mean I am wrong.

Warped views? The difference between casual sex and using someone for sex is pretty straightforward. Not my fault if you can't get your terminology straight.

I have never been used, never treated badly, never been dumped and never had my heart shattered

Daaaaayum. Check you out.

so who are you to tell me I am wrong for not agreeing with casual ****ing?

Now what did I tell you about arguing with ghosts? I didn't say you have to agree with casual sex. I said it's not the same as using someone unless previously mentioned criteria are met.

It has worked for me all my life so screw you

In your wet dreams sweet thing

[surfhb]

Maybe your opinions on this situation would change Michelle if you've had your heart stomped on? . Never had a broken heart? I find that difficult to believe....it's a part of life

[Wakeup]

I thought I'd include this link for interest sake, Beth.

[url=http://drjanicecaudill.com/love-addiction.html]McKinney, TX Psychologist Janice Caudill, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist - Love Addiction and Love Avoidance[/url]

[michelle23]

[/QUOTE]Adding: don't get all defensive and start swearing at me... instead learn to respond to what's been said rather then something that has nothing to do with what you're arguing.[/QUOTE]

I wasnt even talking to you. Was talking to dick. And im not defensive. Just stating that just because I have a different view/opinion as to what constitutes "using" doesn't mean I am wrong. If someone feels used-its using and OP clearly does

- - - Updated - - -

Maybe your opinions on this situation would change Michelle if you've had your heart stomped on? . Never had a broken heart? I find that difficult to believe....it's a part of life

Well I know what a broken heart feels like coz ive experienced serious grief when a close relative died but in love-nope. Not yet

[Wakeup]

I wasnt even talking to you. Was talking to dick.

Here's what you said:]

I didn't in any way say he showed commitment through actions

This is a direct response to what I said about him showing/telling her in actions that it wasn't anything but a sexual relationship which was in response to your insistance that he should have told her his intentions otherwise he was using her. Please stop gaslighting. You didn't directly quote me but Dick didn't mention anything about actions showing his intent so you were talking to me, not him.

Just stating that just because I have a different view/opinion as to what constitutes "using" doesn't mean I am wrong. If someone feels used-its using and OP clearly does

You're not getting it. She can "feel" used all she wants but by the very definition... she was not... If she took your view then she'd end up having a repeat performance because it would mean that she's still placing all her personal power in the hands of someone else instead taking responsibility for what she volunteered for and instead of having the personal boundaries in place to not set herself up to be booty by implying in her own actions that casual sex was okay with her. She gets it, unfortunately it looks like you never will. That's fine but expect to be debated on that, every time.

[Beth0621]

Wow, things are getting a bit personal on here. First let me say that this was the first time I've gone in a forum to seek advice.

@wakeup

, this was a great thread...I am so glad I did post on here. Just hearing opinions from all angles made me open my mind and see that although this was wrong for me personally, he really didn't do anything wrong other than hurt me.....BUT...I set myself up for this and I refused to believe there was no attachment. I take full responsibility for being naive. I was not a victim, I just thought I was because I didn't have anything to compare this experience to.

@michelle23,

I do appreciate you defending me, but what was said was quite possibly what I needed to hear....albeit a bit harshly worded, it helped. At 25, if you are able to have casual sex and not get your heart broken, chances are you have never really been in love....if you have been, I think the words casual sex would mean something different to you.

You've had some fun, you've learned some valuable dating lessons and you've ended the ride on the dick-go-round.

OMG, this had me laughing so much....its so true. I'm not gonna lie, I did have some fun, but I let my feelings get in the way. I made this much too serious. I was controlled my whole marriage, made to feel ugly and dumb and worthless. This guy thought exactly the opposite...and not just because he wanted to sleep with me...he was sincere. Just that attention alone was enough to get me to fall in love....throw in really good sex and I didn;t want to let this guy go....I thought I would never find anyone ever again.....I was SO wrong. I get alot of attention when I go out, I just need to filter it and choose wisely.....I don;t even think I want a relationship now....I see that there is so much out there, how can I settle for just one.....I need to play a bit and see what it is I really want...not have sex with everyone, but just date...and if sex happens, it does....I will not become attached because of it.

[Wakeup]

I knew you had a brain.

and if sex happens, it does....I will not become attached because of it.

One word of caution here, beth: If you're inclined to attach your heart to continued lustful encounters then you'd be very wise to do some good research on how to compartmentalize sex from love because that oxytocin is addictive and when we're being pleased by a seasoned lover, it's pretty hard not to want to keep him for ourselves.

.... Just sayin.

this was a great thread

Indeed it was. Thanks for bringing something of substance to a rather banal forum board of late.

Cheers sistah.

[pigpen672]

Once again, she's asking MEN. Why are YOU answering? I'm a guy- this is to the OP: I'm also low 40s and married for 10 years. I myself, would not mind his situation if I were divorced- however that is not my case. If I may give you insight here, a guy with his type of situation/attitude likely will not change his respective mind, and is very much in control of who he wants to be involved with and at which capacity. He has been honest, I see. This is someone I would myself respect, since they aren't sugar-coating things. If, unfortunately my relationship were to fail, I'd hope I could do very much the same in the honesty department. I am usually that way anyway. Deception gets you nowhere, and lying or faking is eventually discovered one way or other. Also- you just got out of something 20 YEARS IN THE MAKING! Guard your heart, don't let yourself fall again so easily- Just take it for what it IS, and HAVE FUN!

[surfhb]

Dupe..................

[Wakeup]

Once again, she's asking MEN. Why are YOU answering?

Because I can.

I'm a guy- this is to the OP: I'm also low 40s and married for 10 years. I myself, would not mind his situation if I were divorced- however that is not my case. If I may give you insight here, a guy with his type of situation/attitude likely will not change his respective mind, and is very much in control of who he wants to be involved with and at which capacity. He has been honest, I see.

Yea.. both us men and WOMEN have already said as much.

Thanks for playing..

[surfhb]

Once again, she's asking MEN. Why are YOU answering? I'm a guy- this is to the OP: I'm also low 40s and married for 10 years. I myself, would not mind his situation if I were divorced- however that is not my case. If I may give you insight here, a guy with his type of situation/attitude likely will not change his respective mind, and is very much in control of who he wants to be involved with and at which capacity. He has been honest, I see. This is someone I would myself respect, since they aren't sugar-coating things. If, unfortunately my relationship were to fail, I'd hope I could do very much the same in the honesty department. I am usually that way anyway. Deception gets you nowhere, and lying or faking is eventually discovered one way or other. Also- you just got out of something 20 YEARS IN THE MAKING! Guard your heart, don't let yourself fall again so easily- Just take it for what it IS, and HAVE FUN!

A Mans or women's advice is not followed on this forum. Besides Wakeup is spot on

[michelle23]

Any time I disagree with the almighty powerful goddess wakeup im "gaslighting" RME.. whatever

You twist shit and manipulate words. I think you should take a good look at yourself coz the only one gaslighting here is you

[dontaskme]

Once again, she's asking MEN. Why are YOU answering? I'm a guy- this is to the OP: I'm also low 40s and married for 10 years. I myself, would not mind his situation if I were divorced- however that is not my case. If I may give you insight here, a guy with his type of situation/attitude likely will not change his respective mind, and is very much in control of who he wants to be involved with and at which capacity. He has been honest, I see. This is someone I would myself respect, since they aren't sugar-coating things. If, unfortunately my relationship were to fail, I'd hope I could do very much the same in the honesty department. I am usually that way anyway. Deception gets you nowhere, and lying or faking is eventually discovered one way or other. Also- you just got out of something 20 YEARS IN THE MAKING! Guard your heart, don't let yourself fall again so easily- Just take it for what it IS, and HAVE FUN!

Boo! You're a little too late DUMBo! The OP is already enlightened by the advice from both Men and WOMEN.