We are friends, she got a boyfriend, and I love her. Should I invest?

[TheEvilJester]

...Hang on. This is very likely my fault. I know I can go on and on, so my point may have just gotten lost in my wall of text.

However, the important point I think you are misunderstanding is I'm not interested in asking her out on a date, or being more than friends. At least I'm not right now. I mean, don't get me wrong, if SHE asked ME out tomorrow, I don't think I could say no (I don't even think I'd want to say no, though I probably would wonder if Hell had frozen over, LOL). But, my intention is not to ask her out on a date. I just want to get to be closer friends with her.

In fact, I'm still actively trying the whole online dating thing. (Not much success thus far, but that is kind of to be expected with online dating.) So, I'm actually actively seeking out relationships with women who aren't her. And, mind you, if I had a girlfriend tomorrow, I would have no problem at all setting up and respecting appropriate boundaries with my female friends, even if that means not really hanging out with them anymore. But, since I don't currently have a girlfriend, for now I really want to pursue a more meaningful friendship with this girl.

You are right about one thing, though. She has actually been going through a few rough patches lately. It's just, I kind of wish she'd let me be there for her more often when she does. Heck, she honestly did so even just recently, so I probably am just worrying myself over nothing, but somehow I jut cannot help but doubt myself.

[Wakeup]

I don't really know why, but you sure look like a sad, pathetic looser for repetidely picking on us. I feel sorry if you lack the required level of insight and inteligence to understand what we feel. If you get happy by making jokes of others in online forums, then this all makes you a pretty low standard human being.

You are rather sad, actually. I understand exactly your plight and that is why I'm giving you the advice I'm giving you so that you stop wasting your time trying to be a woman you like's friend first.

Google the "Ladder Theory" and educate yourself. Are you still a virgin too? Serious question.

[mythrow]

If she is dating him, there is nothing you can do at this point. I know it hurts to see her with somebody else, but imagine if a guy was trying to get on with your girlfriend. Nobody wants that, so save yourself some trouble and heartache and try to move on.

[Azwraith]

...Hang on. This is very likely my fault. I know I can go on and on, so my point may have just gotten lost in my wall of text.

However, the important point I think you are misunderstanding is I'm not interested in asking her out on a date, or being more than friends. At least I'm not right now. I mean, don't get me wrong, if SHE asked ME out tomorrow, I don't think I could say no (I don't even think I'd want to say no, though I probably would wonder if Hell had frozen over, LOL). But, my intention is not to ask her out on a date. I just want to get to be closer friends with her.

In fact, I'm still actively trying the whole online dating thing. (Not much success thus far, but that is kind of to be expected with online dating.) So, I'm actually actively seeking out relationships with women who aren't her. And, mind you, if I had a girlfriend tomorrow, I would have no problem at all setting up and respecting appropriate boundaries with my female friends, even if that means not really hanging out with them anymore. But, since I don't currently have a girlfriend, for now I really want to pursue a more meaningful friendship with this girl.

You are right about one thing, though. She has actually been going through a few rough patches lately. It's just, I kind of wish she'd let me be there for her more often when she does. Heck, she honestly did so even just recently, so I probably am just worrying myself over nothing, but somehow I jut cannot help but doubt myself.

I understand how you feel. To be honest, you are a bit confused with your own feelings, right? Sometimes I wished things would be black or white, but I don't see that way in real life. Right now, I can't help but notice that you are placing her in "Plan B", isn't it something like that? And if so, I don't think there is anything wrong with that to be honest

[TheEvilJester]

I understand how you feel. To be honest, you are a bit confused with your own feelings, right? Sometimes I wished things would be black or white, but I don't see that way in real life. Right now, I can't help but notice that you are placing her in "Plan B", isn't it something like that? And if so, I don't think there is anything wrong with that to be honest

Plan B? By that I assume you mean I am kind of keeping her on the back-burner in case I don't find a relationship with somebody else?

No, that is not what I am doing at all. She's not my "plan B." Right now, she is just somebody I really like as a friend and want to be even closer, as a friend. Like I said, right now I could see being as close to her as a brother and sister. In other words, I would actually kill to be her "male girlfriend" as some put it.

I don't know how I will feel in the long run. If, by some chance, her and I actually do become closer friends, it could very well be that I develop deeper feelings for her. I don't know. I can't tell the future. But, my thought process isn't "I should be friends with her just in case some day I may decide I like her as more than friends." My thought process right now is "I like having her as a friend and want to be closer with her as a friend." If I became close friends with her and it never went any further than that, I'd consider myself a lucky dude just to have such a good friend in my life.....

Of course, that is if she really does still want to be my friend, and that I have been tormenting myself over nothing. Because, if I am right and she has thrown me away, then I was wrong about her and she is a bad person. If that is the case, I'm much better off without somebody like her in my life. I just hope that is not the case.

[Azwraith]

You are rather sad, actually. I understand exactly your plight and that is why I'm giving you the advice I'm giving you so that you stop wasting your time trying to be a woman you like's friend first.

Google the "Ladder Theory" and educate yourself. Are you still a virgin too? Serious question.

Honestly, I don't think I have made myself very clear. I don't really like her. She is beautiful, and is fun, and that is all. She doesn't make my heart race, or my eyes shine, my stomach curl, like many, many other girls I have seen and liked. That is the point. This was one of the reasons of my personal "torment"t. The fact that I don't love her as a romantic, platonic affair, but as a cute, sexy friend who could end up together for convenience. I know it all sounds confusing, that is why I said I am rather lost.

[Wakeup]

Honestly, I don't think I have made myself very clear. I don't really like her.

Then why did you decide on a subject line that says you love her?

Thread: We are friends, she got a boyfriend, and I love her. Should I invest?

She is beautiful, and is fun, and that is all. She doesn't make my heart race, or my eyes shine, my stomach curl, like many, many other girls I have seen and liked. That is the point. This was one of the reasons of my personal "torment"t. The fact that I don't love her as a romantic, platonic affair, but as a cute, sexy friend who could end up together for convenience. I know it all sounds confusing, that is why I said I am rather lost.

You contradict yourself, sir.

Why would you "invest" anything? If she's just a platonic friend then you're already that, NO?

[TheEvilJester]

Kind of agreed with Wakeup here. The impression your thread gave was that this was a friend for whom you'd developed deeper feelings. If you don't really currently like her as more then a friend, then why would you say anything to her, especially considering she currently has a boyfriend? If she happened to be single at some point AND you felt you could possibly have a deeper connection, that would possibly be the time to say something. But, if you don't really like her as more than a friend, then I don't see the point of your thread. That is a pretty simple solution, then. Remain just friends.

Even if you did feel you were falling in love with her, currently she has a boyfriend, so it would still not be right to try to steal her away.

[Azwraith]

Then why did you decide on a subject line that says you love her?

You contradict yourself, sir.

Why would you "invest" anything? If she's just a platonic friend then you're already that, NO?

I do love her, but love has many forms and faces. It can be confusing for you, because maybe you have never been in such situation. TheEvilJester, on the contrary, can understand me because he is going through the same thing.

Let me try to explain again. Imagine this:

You like a girl (or a boy), and you two get along very well. She is not your passion or the love of your life. You are not in love with her. But she is beautiful, and she makes you happy. And you two get along very well. You are great friends. Why shouldn't this become a relationship? That is what is getting me a bit confused.
Well, she got a boyfriend, so that is why I haven't pushed things further. But all in all, I am still with my doubdts.

[TheEvilJester]

I think I see more so what you mean now. In fact, that is similar to my situation. It's kind of hard/confusing to like somebody of the opposite gender SO much, but only really consider them a friend. I mean, I've always been unusually in touch with my emotions and able to be REALLY close to those who matter to me. Unfortunately, that has often just resulted in my getting hurt, and at times even resulted in me shutting myself off to the world.

Anyway, despite how deep I have been able to feel things, I have never quite experienced this. So, it has me absolutely perplexed. I've had very close female friends before, but it has never felt this important to me, so it has left me completely unsure how to handle it, and hyper-sensitive to every little thing. It kind of sucks.

Wait... what was my point? LOL! I guess my point was, it is hard to feel THAT close to somebody and not have those thoughts of "Maybe we should actually be together" come up. When it comes down to it, though, if you really only think of her as a friend, then that is probably your answer. You can be the best of friends, but that doesn't automatically mean you should be in a relationship.

Even so, who knows? Maybe in time it would go that route. Maybe her current relationship will eventually end and you two will feel like you belong together. But, right now she has a boyfriend. So, it is not right to mess with that. Not to mention, again you are saying that, as much as you love her as a friend, you don't necessarily think you LOVE her love her. So, why mess with a good thing? If you two are meant to be together as more than friends, fate will find a way to make it possible.

It sounds like you currently have what I very much want. I am very jealous. ;-)

[Wakeup]

Gosh... I sure hope you two stop being afraid of commitment and get yourselves a potential life partner soon. You talk yourselves a good talk but you're both just afraid...

Do you honestly think either of you are open in heart or mind to find someone to love ROMANTICALLY? Hardly!

No offence to either of you but it's sad to read how you both are alone still (as in without a romantic partner)due to your self-soothing beliefs.

[Azwraith]

Gosh... I sure hope you two stop being afraid of commitment and get yourselves a potential life partner soon. You talk yourselves a good talk but you're both just afraid...

Do you honestly think either of you are open in heart or mind to find someone to love ROMANTICALLY? Hardly!

No offence to either of you but it's sad to read how you both are alone still (as in without a romantic partner)due to your self-soothing beliefs.

That is because of the personal issues I had in the past, that I told you via PM. I think I am doing everything in the opposite way it should be done

[Wakeup]

Just read your email now, Azwrath. You'll be fine now that you're going to change your strategy.

[Azwraith]

Thanks for the help guys. You both are great!

[Fleiron]

you got a point when you thought of not stealing her away, beside's you just like her that doesn't give you enough reason to middle with there on going relationship. What you're feeling is normal of course you would feel that way like what you have said, the two of you spend time together a lot. that explains a lot try to stay away for a while, figure yourself out, i bet the feeling would just fade.
just try it