We are friends, she got a boyfriend, and I love her. Should I invest?

[TheEvilJester]

Gosh... I sure hope you two stop being afraid of commitment and get yourselves a potential life partner soon. You talk yourselves a good talk but you're both just afraid...

Do you honestly think either of you are open in heart or mind to find someone to love ROMANTICALLY? Hardly!

No offence to either of you but it's sad to read how you both are alone still (as in without a romantic partner)due to your self-soothing beliefs.

I definitely appreciate your advice, and do not at all take any offence. However, fear of commitment could not be further from the truth for me. In fact, I had a long term relationship that culminated in marriage, and I even intended to stick to my commitments when things were really, really bad. In the end, though, she completely changed as a person (and not at all for the good), or probably more likely revealed who she really was.

And the funny thing is, that didn't make me give up on love. I still want to find the woman with whom I am really supposed to share my life.

Thing is, in my case, if I wanted to date this girl I honestly feel like that would be so much easier. Because, even though I am insanely shy, I at least know how to go about something like that, and I've even resigned myself to getting over my shyness, even if I have to force myself to do so. The problem is I just see in her a potentially really good friend. I'm not saying I would NEVER want to see it become more, I'm just saying that is not what I have in mind at this time. In fact, my intention is to continue looking for a romantic partner (online dating, etc.), this particular gal just seemed like a person worth having as a friend.

I also am not sure what you mean by "self-soothing" but that sure as heck doesn't sound like me either. Far from it. I'm my own worst enemy, with a self-esteem that is practically non-existent. I've been working on that, though, and have come a long way.

Trust me, I'd be open to suggestions, even if they involve constructive criticism. It's kind of ironic/funny. After everything I'd been through in my recent past, I was all ready to go out and conquer the world. I was ready to become a new man, like I'd NEVER been before. I was ready to charge into the dating world like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. I never for a second expected to find a girl that felt this important to me that WASN'T somebody I was hoping to date. I was hit kind of unprepared.

I know most people on the site would just advise forgetting it. Most folks on this site don't think men and women should be friends. Personally, I've just never agreed with that. Some of the best friends I have ever had in my life have been women. I value a TRUE friend, especially because they are so hard to find. So, to me, it doesn't matter if they are male or female.

And, I feel like I've said this a million times, but every time I've tried to mention this it is one of the first things people say. I am well aware of the fact that there has to be important boundaries with opposite sex friendships if and when one or both are in a relationship. Hell, if I suddenly had a girlfriend tomorrow, I'd put this friend at arm's length if that was what was what my (imaginary) girlfriend needed to feel comfortable. But right now I currently do not have a relationship.

[Azwraith]

you got a point when you thought of not stealing her away, beside's you just like her that doesn't give you enough reason to middle with there on going relationship. What you're feeling is normal of course you would feel that way like what you have said, the two of you spend time together a lot. that explains a lot try to stay away for a while, figure yourself out, i bet the feeling would just fade.
just try it

Thanks you for replying
But Wakeup has already figured my problems and offered me a solution via PM.
Thanks for the desire to help tho