going crazy about history

[calmsavagebeast]

well everyone,i guess the reason i came here in the first place is due to my gf's past. While as I waited for someone special, she took the opposite path and has had an extraordinary amount of sexual partners . It sincerely drives me crazy, i see things, lose sleep over it, and i assume its because i feel inferior to her and them, and i completely guilt trip her about it. I tell her the only way i can get over it is to hunt them down somehow and harm them to boost my self esteem,then she gets angry and says that she's over it, so why cant i get past it, i honestly have no idea. Our relationship is incredible, but this is the only thing that gets in the way. Anyone have advice on how i can get over this pain i feel?

[pxc]

WTF mate?

You want to hunt down her previous sex partners and hurt them?

Sex is as natural a part of life as eating. Would you also hunt down everyone she had breakfast with?

Caveman: Hurt bad!
Caveman: Sex good!
Caveman: Humans live!
You: Sex bad!
You: Hurt good!
You: World die!

Calm down... what the **** do you expect HER to do about it NOW? If you feel inferior... that's YOUR problem.

[Only-virgins]

well everyone,i guess the reason i came here in the first place is due to my gf's past. While as I waited for someone special, she took the opposite path and has had an extraordinary amount of sexual partners . It sincerely drives me crazy, i see things, lose sleep over it, and i assume its because i feel inferior to her and them, and i completely guilt trip her about it. I tell her the only way i can get over it is to hunt them down somehow and harm them to boost my self esteem,then she gets angry and says that she's over it, so why cant i get past it, i honestly have no idea. Our relationship is incredible, but this is the only thing that gets in the way. Anyone have advice on how i can get over this pain i feel?

Actually there is something that WILL make you feel MUCH better...simply catch up to her..thats right..shes so "over it"..go out and have sex with others ( wear a condom) and when she asks you why you did it say "your over it, so why arent you?". Being witty is the best thing to be...EVER.


Leave her to get rid of the pain...to get over it...not my subject of expertise but you know what...her saying "Im over it" is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard...Yea you dumb ***** offcourse "YOUR" over it..your the one who ****ed.

WTF mate?
Caveman: Hurt bad!
Caveman: Sex good!
Caveman: Humans live!
You: Sex bad!
You: Hurt good!
You: World die!

Calm down... what the **** do you expect HER to do about it NOW? If you feel inferior... that's YOUR problem.

Caveman: Me **** anything
Caveman: ME too sex is good good good
Caveman: wierd curse killing us all!

you : sex is good
me : whocares?
you : what?
me: shut up!
you : your going to die alone
me : I said shut up! I dont give a ****! jesus christ!

She is supposed to do nothing. He is..he is supposed to leave her to set an example..but he wont because he is pathetic and weak.

Is having sex with other people when your not in a relationship a good thing?. Then whats stopping him from dating her later and just going on a **** spree for fun? I mean..if she laters says "no" then the problem is with HER as you would put it.

[Ellynn]

Well it is the past. Everyone starts having sex at a different time and for different reasons. But you say your relationship is incredible now except that her past bothers you. I wouldn't go out and harm her old lovers...
It won't solve anything.

You do need to get past it. I mean people make mistakes....people do things for different reasons. Are you afraid that you are just another number to her? I think thats where your insecurity lies becuz you waited to have sex and then had it with her! The thing with that though is that when you have sex with someone....no matter how great the relationship is.....there are no guarantees. Things could work out for the two of you.....or you might find that you both are better off apart and then you will end up with someone else..... yes it would be ideal to find that perfect someone and not end up sleeping with a certain amount of people (IMO) but honestly it doesn't always work like that. YOu learn from experience......

I used to say that I was gonna wait until marriage to have sex. Then I dated this guy when I was 20 and ended up having sex with him. Doesn't mean we ended up together. I was hurt it didnt work out but then I moved on....and found someone else.....and was in a 1 yr relationship with him......which included alot of good sex. That didn't work out either....and then I met this other guy and we just ended up having sex.....and right now things are in limbo....not sure if theres gonna be more there or not....

What Im trying to say is that there are no guarantees. YOu can try to plan things....but there is no guarantee about the outcome. She had alot of different men........stuff probably happened where it didnt work out. But sex is an enjoyable thing. Once you have it....you learn that you want it again....and when you get to that place with someone....it usually happens. Its an expression of love.....or lust for some. But its a wonderful thing. I've learned to care less about numbers...and more about the PERSON im with....and how I honestly feel when Im with them. If you focus so much on the past or the future for that matter....it will drive you nuts.

If you honestly can't deal with it....maybe this isnt the girl for you. But why let something like that spoil a good thing? Just go with the flow and enjoy it. I know its hard because your first you will always remember......but honestly once you get out there and date/ have sex with more people.......it will be different. Not telling you to be a male whore....but be safe......use a condom..... Everyone has to get their experience somewhere right?

[calmsavagebeast]

u obviously dont understand our relationship, both of us are in recovery, and support each other through tough times. she is head over heels in love with me as i am h er and we make love everyday, but i feel therre is an everlasting effect it left on her, maybe not everlasting but it bothers me. believe me, i love having sex, but i cant help the way i feel uncomfortable, which is why i asked, not to be called emo thinking life sucks, i have trouble with acceptance as i did with my drug problem, but this is slightly dfferent as it is not my problem, but her abuse, and i would also never cheat on her as she doesnt deserve that

[calmsavagebeast]

that is how i feel, like a number. thank you ellyn, however, it wasnt sex for her, her addiction in a way led her to being a whore to get her drugs, which is where the real problem lies for me. my exes were not virgins, and i didnt mind, but in a way it kind of takes away from her sexiness, and the way people percieve her, even me. this doesnt bother me though, i could care less what people think about me, but i will tell people what i am as well as what i am not. Thank you ellyn, i will try to think thourouly about what you said

[Ellynn]

I see what you mean though....but people make mistakes. Look, you got into drugs and everything....but you are recovering from it. Wouldn't you be upset if people didn't give you a chance?

SHe is giving you a chance......just like you are giving her a chance. So she messed up....slept with people for the wrong reasons....got into drugs....just like you....and now shes recovering. I think you both deserve a chance. Its good that you have found each other. Even though you didnt do exactly all that shes done......don't you think she still deserves a chance? I mean you are learning to change....with quitting drugs.....just like she is. It's not easy....so don't reject her just yet.

[pxc]

Actually there is something that WILL make you feel MUCH better...simply catch up to her..thats right..shes so "over it"..go out and have sex with others ( wear a condom) and when she asks you why you did it say "your over it, so why arent you?". Being witty is the best thing to be...EVER.


Leave her to get rid of the pain...to get over it...not my subject of expertise but you know what...her saying "Im over it" is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard...Yea you dumb ***** offcourse "YOUR" over it..your the one who ****ed.




Caveman: Me **** anything
Caveman: ME too sex is good good good
Caveman: wierd curse killing us all!

you : sex is good
me : whocares?
you : what?
me: shut up!
you : your going to die alone
me : I said shut up! I dont give a ****! jesus christ!

She is supposed to do nothing. He is..he is supposed to leave her to set an example..but he wont because he is pathetic and weak.

Is having sex with other people when your not in a relationship a good thing?. Then whats stopping him from dating her later and just going on a **** spree for fun? I mean..if she laters says "no" then the problem is with HER as you would put it.

My point wasn't trying to diminish the value of sex. I was simply emphasizing how natural it is. Things that are natural tend to be so for a reason. And it's not quite natural to **** anything... not quite. I don't care if she's had sex with everyone in the world and everyone who's dead too, but you don't get to go about hurting people or hating others. Those were her choices. They are a part of what made her who she is. Everything she ever did is. The question is, do you love who she is now? Outside of her past? Do you fear the possibility of the repetition of an action offensive to you? etc etc etc...

Anyway, back to main point:

Harming one of the same species is unnatural and destructive.
Sex is natural and productive.
Condemning sex and encouraging violence is the kind of bullshit that could potentially destroy the human race. In case nobody knows, despite the depravation, evil, and overall ignorance of the human race, it has it's upsides, and I rather like it. I'd appreciate you not pissing on it.

Make love, not war.

Sexual promiscuity isn't evil... usually just sad because it's rooted in so many things besides sex. Sex has managed to permeate every aspect of the American culture in a way nothing else has, excluding perhaps television.

[Only-virgins]

To me things sometimes seem as if people are just being with other people for the sake of being with other people. Am I the only one who needs a reason?

Those were her choices. They are a part of what made her who she is. Everything she ever did is. The question is, do you love who she is now? Outside of her past? Do you fear the possibility of the repetition of an action offensive to you? etc etc etc...

I smell contradiction. I guess I cant love a person with a past then. Thanks for clearing things up for me. Her past makes her who she is...and that means I dont like who she is and I dont like her(who ever her would be). OH and Im not trying to condemn sex..just feels stupid to be with someone who say your close friend slept with...uh..thats just odd and makes my head hurt really bad.

[Lady24]

why guys have to be so macho? i mean if she has a story so what? she is with you now and that is it, what happened in her life before you appeared doesnt concern you..

[Only-virgins]

why guys have to be so macho? i mean if she has a story so what? she is with you now and that is it, what happened in her life before you appeared doesnt concern you..

Im not macho, I am a ,skinny, lanky kind of guy actually lol. Not so what...so this...I care and thats that. It does concern me when I am trying to be with her. If a girl told me that her past is none of my business then everytime she would ask me if I love her I would tell her its none of her business.

[Mish]

My advice for you is watch a movie called "Chasing Amy" by Kevin Smith, hopefully it will clear some things up for you

Good Luck!!!

Respect...

[calmsavagebeast]

i saw that movie, didnt really understand it, because i know what she is, and not what she isnt. and i understand that i'm with her now, and i appreciate her, and treat her with the utmost respect, just i think i explained how i tried to just let it go, and i just cant, i dont understand why, which is why i'm lookin for ways to help, not arguments, not telling me to go have more sex, because she is the only one i want, just a little advice on how to accept her history without just having to accept it, i feel i need some proof she's over it now that i think about it. But how can she prove it to me if she still talks to some of them, especially when she knows it makes me uncomfortable

[Tone]

#1 - How old are you, how old is she? I'm guessing 14-17 from the way you type.

#2 - What is her big number?

#3 - Did you know of this before you got together?

[Only-virgins]

My advice for you is watch a movie called "Chasing Amy" by Kevin Smith, hopefully it will clear some things up for you

Good Luck!!!

Respect...

That movie sucked.