Lunch with the Opposite Sex

[woody]

I would not go out for lunch with another man on my own... and if my sweetheart did that to me and I found out after the fact, i'd be in a World of self doubt, I would be upset and start wondering when the affair's going to begin.

The fact she did this without you knowing is a red flag in my humble opinion. Sure, if she had called first and said, "hey love, so and so wants to go eat lunch and i'm going to accompany him, want to join us?" that'd be different. But she did this stealth mode so of course your going to wonder, why.
and though many people will say things like, 'it's just a lunch' can't help it if your friend is the opposite gender. So uh, why the secrecy if it's no big deal right?
I'm jealous and protective by nature so i'm the wrong person to ask really. But no, In your shoes, I would not be a happy camper.

[Carebrother]

Woody,
I agree with you that these things need to be discussed openly.

As a lady who likes her relationships one to one, can you conceive of a situation where you meet a delightful fella', called CF? You want to pursue that friendship, and you want to maintain your bonded relationship with your own chap called OC.

How about you invite them both to meet each other over dinner, that you cook. You tell them that you find them both charming, but you've made a commitment to OC. You ask them to get to know each other, while you disappear for a few minutes. You have previously reassured OC that you won't pursue the relationship with CF unless he gives the go-ahead. When you return you ask how it went, and particularly if OC is happy for you to pursue friendship with CF.

What might happen? In these days of safe-sex, is this a realistic scenario? Could you reciprocate if OC found himself in the corresponding situation. Might this approach enrich life?

If you are co-parenting, there are of course other considerations, about responsibilities to the next generation, but that can be considered separately.

Carebrother

[katyk]

Interesting replies from most of the guys! I am female and married and go out with male colleagues for lunch frequently. It would never enter my head to call my husband beforehand and I don't think it would enter his head to quiz me about it. I note your wife has already been unfaithful so there is a lack of trust there but if you can't regain the trust, the relationship will not last because I doubt she will appreciate being monitored or having to pick and choose who she lunches with or who pays for what? By the way her paying kind of indicates to me that it most definitely was not a date! Again, I will sometimes pick up the tab and my lunch buddy may do - generally evens out over time. Just another perspective on it.