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Thread: Did I over react?

  1. #1
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    Did I over react?

    My boyfriend was once again complaining about my schedule because he hates the fact that I do not have a set schedule.. I work some days, nights and some weekends and he has a M-F 8-5.. He told me that my schedule is affecting our relationship and I should change it.. I am a retail manager and I can't just change my schedule and he knows this... The deeper issue is his daughter left for college and he is often home alone and he hates being alone..

    During the conversation, I asked him if all of his exes had the same schedule as he did... He became furious and yelled" You do not want to start drawing comparisons because , trust me you will be wounded" I thought I heard him wrong and he repeated it... I took that to me that he felt they were much better than I was and I was offended.. I reacted emotionally and said " Why do you go f**k them if they were so great, you probably have been all along... ( I know that this was wrong to say)

    He does think there was anything wrong with what he said and says that he is furious at what I said and is now ignoring me.. He stated that I took what he said out of context and I'm pretty sure that I did not..

    Is he wrong or did I over react?? Thank you for your advice with this...

  2. #2
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    An astute person would have clarified to the other person what he meant by his words instead of responding out of anger without knowing or understanding what the other person really meant.

  3. #3
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    What a controlling, immature, thoughtless prick. Your initial assessment was right and I would have thought the exact same thing. There are no two ways to interpret what he said - there was no 'misunderstanding' and you have every right to be angry.

    Does he support you financially? If not, then his complaints about your work schedule are null and void - this is what you do to put food on your table. End of story. It's the nature of retail and it's not even that bad - shops are only open so late. What if you were a nurse? You'd have to quit your career so he doesn't get lonely without his daughter?

    The fact that he's turned this around and is now the one angry at you is worrying - shows a complete lack of regard or remorse. What he said was very hurtful and there's no place for that in a relationship. You actually show good impulse control - I would have said much worse.

    Stand your ground - you did nothing wrong, you just reacted to a cruel, asshole comment.

  4. #4
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    Who cares if you over-reacted or not. Getting validation that you're outburst was warranted isn't helpful to anyone or anything.

    You are not happy with this man and he is not happy with you and your schedule which you cannot change, nor should you have to.

    There is a better, more compatible mate out there for you and I suggest you take this day to tell your (hopefully soon to be) ex that you're done and then take the necessary actions to make it so.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

  5. #5
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    Well that was a lot of needless drama. I don't think it is ever wise to bring up the exes in a relationship. It is water under the bridge. What were you hoping to accomplish with that? It sounds like he wanted to spend more time with you. Maybe he feels neglected. But this was handled all wrong from the beginning. You two have communication problems. Has this been a pattern in your relationship?

  6. #6
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    Thank you to everyone for your reply... Just to answer a few of your questions... No , he does not financially support me and yes we have always had communication issues... I have made a couple of past post and they are all about him... I was hoping that the communication issues were something that we could work on and they would eventually improve.. I don't believe that's its really my schedule that bothers him ..I believe that he just cant stand to be alone.. When I spend time with my daughter and do not invite him, he says that he doesn't mind but he will "punish me" by ignoring me the rest of the day or cancelling our plans for the next day.. He comes from a large family(1 of 12 children) and most of them don't speak to each other and haven't for years nor do most of them speak to their mother... He seems to want to change these behaviors but he continues to do these things...

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