Abused marriage and found love

[stellabsmith]

Hi. I need help. I am married with four beautiful children. Been with him for 8 years but it has not been the best. He has gotten abusive. I have tried to leave but scared of other reasons of possible threats. And my children. He's good to my children but not me. So I found comfort of talking to people online on a messenger app. And I fell in love with this person. He's younger than me but he's been the most wonderful person. We have talked on the phone and have started plans together I haven't told him I was currently still married. But I am looking to end my marriage to be with him. I just don't know how. Any advice?

[Leialoha1975]

Hello,
This must be so hard for you right now... Abuse is never hard to deal with... I'm sorry your going through that. First, your children and yourself must be the first priority. Starting a new relationship might not be the best idea right now, I think you need to leave the abusive situation, get your life back on track before starting a new relationship. Your children and your happiness should be the only reason right now for your leaving.

[michelle23]

I agree. You don't start something new until you completely finish what you already have.

Is there any way to fix or save your marriage? Is your husband willing to get counselling and try to change? Have you asked him? You both owe it to your children to at least try to be happy in this marriage so cut off the other guy and get into marriage counselling asap.

Right now the other guy is just an escape from reality. You dont really know him. Its based on fantasy. It sounds like you havn't even met him in real life so the chances of this acthally working is very slim.

If you do decide to legally separate/divorce then you need time to heal emotionally, get your confidence back and be strong before you can even consider meeting someone new. Meeting someone when your vulnerable or lonely is a really bad idea especially with four kids to think of. Predators can smell weakness and vulnerability so will flock around you like sheep if you let them. Children are 30 times more at risk of abuse if you introduce a new man into your lives so you have to be really careful who you choose to date


You need to be over your marriage 100% , emotionally and mentally healthy and know what you want/need in a man

[Wakeup]

I haven't told him I was currently still married.

Not only are you emotionally cheating on your husband but you're a liar to the new man.

How can you do this to an innocent young man who thinks he's been courting a single woman? You need personal therapy and the help of a good lawyer to get you out of your current situation.

[woody]

Dear Lady,

If you have been enduring abuse and continue to allow it, don't think your children won't pick up on that; and what does that teach them? Nothing good.
You claim your hubby is good to your kids; I would suggest re evaluating that statement. He might not be hitting or abusing them, but he is towards you; again, not the best thing to see as a child. (teaches us this behavior is normal and I'm sure you don't want to raise future wife/husband beaters)i'm just saying. I know its harsh but so is getting hit.

Agree with some of what others are saying; this new man is offering you an escape and maybe some strength to do it; but you must tell him the truth. If you really like him he needs to know what your hiding and why. It is the right thing to do; but again, up to you.

You have a divine right to protect yourself and your children. Never forget that.

I hope you find a way

Is there no love at all with you and your hubby. Would he get some help? or is it lost on him...
Suggest therapy
but if it's done and I mean done, suggest getting the heck out of there safely first and foremost. tap into some programs available for people making a transition like this. Just see what's out there.

sorry your going through this. I hope it gets better for you and yours