What's with men who do this?

**NotApplicable** · 06-09-14, 11:11 PM

Okay so 7 months ago I came out of a long term relationship. It had been a few years since being with anyone new and my memory was kind of rusty about how those initial stages go.
Anyway, I've had sex with two guys since, and both times the same thing happened... We were in bed messing around and then he just sticks it inside me. No questions of either 1) Is this OK? And more importantly, 2) Should I get a condom?
Both times I had to stop and make them go get a rubber whilst trying to hide my irritation. I'm on the pill so pregnancy isn't a concern but STIs sure are - I don't know these men's sexual histories! I just thought it was so rude, and whilst I really like/d both of them (these stories clearly are months apart), it was just so weird.
What are your thoughts on this? Especially male posters here on the forum?

**michelle23** · 07-09-14, 12:23 AM

It is up to you to ensure you don't catch an STI if your going to messing around in bed with people. The conversation should have taken place before you entered the bed. You need to protect you. A lot of people are uneducated when it comes to sex and don't have a clue which is why you should never assume anything

Also condoms dont protect you from everything so by right you should be be looking for a recent cert stating hes clean before having sex and then again in 6months time before you consider going without condoms. Some stds dont show up for months which is why two separate tests need to be taken

And why didnt you ask about sexual history?

**Wakeup** · 07-09-14, 10:10 AM

What's with girls that do what you do?

I find it odd that you don't make sure they have a condom ready on the bedside table before you even get naked with them. You should have a supply of your own and place it on the bedside table before you get naked anyway and make sure it's ripped open and ready to be worn after showing them you've gotten it ready for them... you could even place it on their dick with your mouth( if you do the practice on a banana on how to do it) very hot that.

So, why are you leaving it all up to them? That's not being very smart and if they aren't taking their own safety and sexual health into consideration then you can safely assume that they're sticking into girls like yourself who leave it up to the guy to take care of the rubbers. Shares-ies you risk by doing it your way ... yuck.

**NotApplicable** · 07-09-14, 01:27 PM

Actually I do have my own in the bedside table and those are the ones we used. And yeah FYI I also put it on for him to keep the mood going, that was always the intention, he just tried to skip it in before I had gotten to that point. Which was my original point.

I feel it's rather clinical the first time you're with someone to get the condom out and ready, it's a bit like "hey were going to **** sometime in the next hour". And as for asking to see a bloods certificate beforehand to confirm he's clean, I mean seriously, what kind of awful clinical relationship is that? All I wanted was to use a condom, we can address that other clinical stuff at a later date when not in the throws of passion. Geez I am struggling to imagine that conversation.

**Wakeup** · 07-09-14, 04:41 PM

Actually I do have my own in the bedside table and those are the ones we used.

We were in bed messing around and then he just sticks it inside me. No questions of either 1) Is this OK? And more importantly, 2) Should I get a condom?

What you didn't show him that you had the condom on the bedside? You didn't tell him, be sure to put that on?

Both times I had to stop and make them go get a rubber whilst trying to hide my irritation

seems odd you have to say that when they were there on your beside table...
Its up to you to make sure you're protected so in future make sure he knows "no glove, no love." That way, you'll avoid any loss of passion when you have to push him off and out.

**lovebroken** · 09-09-14, 10:48 AM

That's odd both men did the same thing, how do they even know you are on birth control, do they as you before fooling around? Obviously they want to ejaculate right inside you, not inside a condom and they probably rarely use condoms if they don't attempt one with a new sex partner, that would be a red flag.

**Incognito030707** · 04-10-14, 03:26 PM

There should be a conversation about bedroom policies long before you get into the bed. That way everything is known beforehand and there is no mood-killing situation and no awkwardness. They probably assumed that you were fine with no condom since there was no discussion about it and you were already in the bed naked. Its a stupid move for them to try unprotected sex, but I can't blame them for thinking that you were ok with it. Both you and the guy were at fault. Just make sure that next time you discuss in advance.

**michelle23** · 04-10-14, 05:24 PM

Well unless your hopping into bed with some random dude you just met then I don't see how that conversation would be clinical and awkward? And if it is random men then all the more reason to protect yourself.. you dont know how often they do that or where they have been or what diseases they may be carrying..

If your dating for awhile and both know sex is on the cards, then why not talk about it first? In my opinion its more passionate and better if you are comfortable together and can talk about all that stuff. Trust is built up and you both know where you stand as well as have an idea of sexual history etc

**loveisathing** · 09-10-14, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by NotApplicable

Actually I do have my own in the bedside table and those are the ones we used. And yeah FYI I also put it on for him to keep the mood going, that was always the intention, he just tried to skip it in before I had gotten to that point. Which was my original point.

I feel it's rather clinical the first time you're with someone to get the condom out and ready, it's a bit like "hey were going to **** sometime in the next hour". And as for asking to see a bloods certificate beforehand to confirm he's clean, I mean seriously, what kind of awful clinical relationship is that? All I wanted was to use a condom, we can address that other clinical stuff at a later date when not in the throws of passion. Geez I am struggling to imagine that conversation.

I totally understand how weird it is to ask for health records right before getting freaky! Or even if you guys are just hanging out on the couch not doing much. It feels like it's a rude question to ask, and probably a bit of a turn off. Thankfully, I've never had to ask that but it's scary to think that someday I might! How do you even go about doing it?

Back to your post, I think you took the correct action by having them at least wear condoms. Some people wouldn't want to "ruin the mood" by making them pause or stop to use protection. It is a bit weird that they both took similar actions, but perhaps you are giving them some sort of mixed signal that you are okay with it? Or maybe you're so sexy and they get so turned on that they can't help themselves xD lol

Anyway, you have to also get your own check ups for STIs and other things, you can't just rely on the possibility that the other person is clean.

**purple_roses** · 12-10-14, 07:59 PM

You have to spread your legs before a dick can go in... So I don't get how they are just sliding it in before u notice.. Lol

- - - Updated - - -

And for me, While the pants are coming off I grab my condom and mention it just so they are aware I want to use one when we are ready

**montanamommy** · 03-11-14, 04:21 AM

I've had guys do this to me, and it pisses me off ROYALLY. How disrespectful!! What the hell, just because I decided to LET you have sex with me, you think you can just go in with no protection? NO. I always tell guys when our relationship reaches the sexual phase that I will not have unprotected sex with them until they go and get tested for STD's--yes, including HIV. If they don't like that, then they can kick rocks, because my health is worth WAY more than a guy's lack of respect for me.

On the bright side, I've never had a guy refuse the STD testing, and I always demand to see the results. But I also take an STD test, so that they don't feel like I've singled them out or labeled them, and also to prove that I, too, am clean.

Next time a guy jumps in with no cover, get up, get your clothes on, and find someone who respects you!

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