Can you get a man to change his mind

[itsallgravy]

So I'll keep this brief. Bascially I have been dating a bit over the past year, and they have all been equally nice men. One has stood out more than the rest, and my mind often wonders back to 'what went wrong?'. I won't lie, he wasn't the best looking of the bunch and is the only one that didn't want to continue dating me. I know he hasn't met anyone else and I'm sure I messed that date up. The others were a good laugh but wanted to settle too soon - so I couldn't continue and give them false hope. Now, my question to men is, can a women get you to change your mind and fall for them? Like I said he wasn't the best looking or anything, or the best lifestyle but he had a quality that went far beyond the others and that was the way he spoke to me, like a woman. And now I want him! But never see him... but I don't want to be a stalker either. I can't message as I don't have his number anymore

[Whisteria]

Well that really depends on your situation and what you have done. However it all comes down to you yourself, can your own qualities make him interested in you again? Do not change yourself just because you like him but find new things to do and create a new interest. In a way its difficult, it's like using a cliché scenario of "hey baby I want you back, I've changed and i mean it".

[itsallgravy]

We only went on one date and I hear men can make a decision within 20 minutes. I got a sense of his insecurities before the date so I didn't go all out, just casual/comfortable like I was meeting a friend for a coffee. Also at the time I was fresh back on the dating game so was a bit nervous too I don't think I shut up ha ha. So despite his insecurities and me being back on a first date in about 3 years. I would have liked another opportunity to show the real me. The more relaxed chilled out. But think I lost the opportunity.

[lost_man]

Just contact him and tell him you felt a little spark but got all nervous and wondered if he'd like to try again. It's not rocket science, just ask him.

[Whisteria]

You never know until you give it a try, do not be afraid to try for something you want. Everything in life has its learning process and people tend to be afraid to accept the truth rather than see what it really is. A perfect example is the movie Lucy, once she began using 50% of her brain she could use telekenesis powers and move objects with her brain. I came out of the movie and liked it because it made sense but i heard a guy say it was the dumbest movie ever and thats probably because he was only using 2% of his brain. But in saying that you can see he said it was dumb because he could not accept the fact that the idea of having that much power in the brain could come true.

So just go out with him somewhere like lost_man said and have fun, see where it goes

[michelle23]

Are you sure your ego is not just bruised coz he rejected you? Maybe you don't really want this guy at all, you just want to prove a point to yourself? You don't describe him as anything special and you only had one date. Its not really a loss. Maybe it just fed your insecurities

[itsallgravy]

It could well be that. I don't know, I just have a feeling that he did genuinely like me because of the way we would talk before the date. He seemed more keen than me. I know I did something to put him off, but not sure what? I was really nervous though. He wasn't anything special but he did stand out from the others.

Or maybe he did just feed my insecurities. I'm not one to analyze though so guess there is one person out there who can make us do that at some point in our lives. Usually I just move on - this feeling is different

[Whisteria]

Then follow your gut feeling and do what you think you should, no harm in trying

[Wakeup]

If you only went on one date with him then why are you placing so much value on him? "How he spoke to you?" means nothing if all the speaking was done before you actually met... they're just words.

How did he (or you) end your conversations? Did one of you just disappear?

You sound like the typical person who is in fear of commitment yet you'll fall as soon as you start having sex. You like him (although you don't even know him) because he didn't want you. That makes him appeal because you find him safe (he's not committing because it appears he didn't fancy you).

If you don't have his number any more and he's not contacting you then I think you should just move on and keep fishing until you find another intriguing man who doesn't show any real interest in you by not asking you for any other dates. Just keep that one's number so you can recycle him when the mood suits.

- - - Updated - - -

Further to above: I often wonder why people say just contact him when you've clearly stated this at the end of your opening post:

I can't message as I don't have his number anymore

[Whisteria]

We must have all misread that part, I honestly did hahaha

[itsallgravy]

I've never feared commitment - the opposite, and as I have said in an earlier post that I am not one to analyze either. I still continued to date and have had great times it's just my mind wonders back to him.
We had a great date, spoke loads after. He arranged another date with a time and place we was going, but I was busy and couldn't make that day. It went downhill after.

Oh well, shit happens as they say...
P.s I have not slept with any of my dates, they are only dates, not an opportunity for me to put it out there. It works for some - but I'm confident enough in myself to not jump in any mans bed just because we went on a date or few.

[woody]

Dear O.P

"he wasn't anything special but he stood out from the rest" (your line) Hhmm.

Maybe you projected this a little and his self worth is in tact and he wasn't willing to compromise.

You said more than once he wasn't anything special. You mentioned looks too.

Personally, I'd stay far away from someone who seems to place importance on such superficial b.s and if your saying that here, maybe he picked up on it whilst on your date. Maybe you hurt his feelings.

But, if you can't stop thinking about him yet don't have his number, well, your hooped.

Chalk it up to a life lesson. Looks mean squat when it truly comes down to it.

If you are able to re connect with him at some time, ask him out and see how it goes. Maybe he'll give you another chance.
Obviously, he is quite special.

[Wakeup]

I'm not sure why you're telling us that you never slept with any of your dates but good for you.

Maybe that's why he has ghosted on you, he was just looking for sex and he figured it out that he wouldn't be getting it from you until you were in a relationship (or whatever personal boundary you happen to have when it comes to that)???

Anyway, if you don't have his contact number and he's not calling you then no matter why he's not... he's not so when your mind goes back to him, immediately change the subject and do your best to do what you should do at this point and that's forget him so you can put your thoughts and energy into someone that does want more then one date and who won't come on too strong.

[michelle23]

I still don't get why you would be so into a guy thats "nothing special" that your not particularly attracted to just coz he spoke to you like your a woman.. i mean that doesn't even make sense.. do you not have any other standards?

[Amena]

Itsallgravy!

Have you reconnected with this not so special, but interesting man? I've had this happen to me as well, and I never understand what I've done wrong. like you, I usually feel nervous meeting up with strangers, and don't get get all hyper & touchy like some people do. In my opinion some men are looking for specific looks or services, because if they were looking for a genuine relationship they'd give the person a second chance...
I find that some of the respondants sound a little arrogant, if someone comes asking for an opinion why answer on "attack mode"?
All the best,
Hope