Please help.. why do I only ever attract assholes?!

[Julia51423]

Okay, I really need some help or advice, because I can't take it anymore, and I don't know where else to turn. The only type of men I attract into my life are lying assholes who are just desperate and looking to use me in some way. I don't know WHY I only attract these types of guys, when literally all the girls around me are always attracting great guys, being treated amazingly and falling in love! And honestly, I barely attract guys into my life in general.. I am for the most part.. Alone. But when once in a blue moon I do get a guy, of course he is a jerk/player/asshole. I feel like I am so unworthy of love but I really want it, but I feel that I am starting to become desperate because I always attract the opposite of what any girl would want!

An example of how I am treated is so recently there was this guy who admitted to me that he was interested in me for quite some time, but I had no idea because I thought he liked another girl, but then he told me he actually didn't like that girl and liked me the whole time. Stupid me believed him and we started talking even though I was cautious and didn't like him at first, and over time I started to fall for him. Eventually I found out that the whole time he actually DID have feelings for the other girl, so he was talking to both of us at the same time, even though he said that he only had interest in me, and now he isn't contacting me at all and I don't know why.

I just don't know what it takes to get an honest, genuine, good guy that tells the truth and truly likes me for me! I also found out that this guy always goes from girl to girl, and so I am just another random girl that he was testing out.

The guy before him that I dated was even worse. He acted super nice and sweet when we were first dating, but once he realized he had me he turned into this distant asshole that only would express interest in me when we were having sex.

The guy before HIM acted like he was really into me, but then I found out he was talking to another girl and he ended up leaving me for her because he was crazy about her and I guess she was a lot better then me in some way.

Guys I like NEVER stay interested in me for long, and they always leave me or treat me like crap the first chance I get.

I just feel so alone and hopeless. I already have low self esteem which idk maybe that is what is causing all of this, but now I feel like I literally have no self esteem at all because this cycle always repeats itself over and over and over again. I don't really know what I am doing wrong... Do I come off as too clingy or needy or something?.. Because I really don't know how that could be.. I am pretty independent overall.. I just want to know what it is like to have true love, or even just be with a guy who is genuinely interested in me and be treated with respect!! Do guys see my insecurities? Am I not pretty or is my personality not good enough?

I just need help or advice, because I don't know what to do and I can't go through another process like this again.. I am about to give up on the idea of love... What am i doing wrong? How can i change my terrible empty love life?

[woody]

You are over thinking.

Just sit back and enjoy the process. Enjoy yourself and regain some confidence. If you project insecurities, they will be reflected right back at you.

People are drawn to those who know full well who and what they are. Confidence is key. Independent thought. Hold yourself well and keep your head high. If someone plays you, move on. You'll project that self worth out into the Universe and next time you will attract one who hopefully plays less and eventually, one day, you will find a match.

Learn more about your self, all you have to offer to the right person for you. Put it out there. It is a ripple effect well worth the time and patience needed to gain this.

Do not allow your self to be treated badly or you'll show the World your willing to endure such crap. Well, F_- that right. Indubitably.

[Julia51423]

You are over thinking.

Just sit back and enjoy the process. Enjoy yourself and regain some confidence. If you project insecurities, they will be reflected right back at you.

People are drawn to those who know full well who and what they are. Confidence is key. Independent thought. Hold yourself well and keep your head high. If someone plays you, move on. You'll project that self worth out into the Universe and next time you will attract one who hopefully plays less and eventually, one day, you will find a match.

Learn more about your self, all you have to offer to the right person for you. Put it out there. It is a ripple effect well worth the time and patience needed to gain this.

Do not allow your self to be treated badly or you'll show the World your willing to endure such crap. Well, F_- that right. Indubitably.

Thank you for the advice, but what if I do act independent and confident, and I still attract the same types of guys? What if I am still alone after I make myself believe i am actually worth it? Then I feel like it will just hurt more.. If you get what I am saying at all, I guess I am just afraid..

[woody]

Thank you for the advice, but what if I do act independent and confident, and I still attract the same types of guys? What if I am still alone after I make myself believe i am actually worth it? Then I feel like it will just hurt more.. If you get what I am saying at all, I guess I am just afraid..

"What if i am still alone after I make myself believe I am actually worth it"

Read that (your line) and tell me how that doesn't make any sense.
If you need to make your self believe your actually worth it, well then dear lady, you've got some work to do and it will all be worth it. You get that? Did that go in anywhere?

It's not about making yourself believe, it is about knowing. An innate propensity of knowing you ARE worth it.
One need not convince one's self if one knows full well.

Acting independent and confident is not the same as simply Being independent and confident.

Do you know how long many of us remain alone before we finally meet our match? It can be years. You must not give up hope.
This is no facade.

If your putting on an act, don't think others don't notice it's bunk. The key is, all in you. You need to gain some more self love lady. You need to know who and what you are, all you have to offer. There will be no need for acting here or making your self believe your worth it. You will simply be worth it. Does that make any sense to you?

You'd best start treating your self allot better in how you view yourself so others can see it too...

[fearoflove]

It could be a mix of bad lucky and your behaviour. Are you too accommodating and your standards too low? You might be seen as an easy target. Guys can sense when a girl lets him take advantage. You will meet an asshole once in awhile because there just people like that out there but if EVERY guy you meet act like this, it must be something you are doing.

[michelle23]

If this is a pattern that keeps happening then I am sorry to say the problem is you in some way. Do you come across as someone who will take crap off other people? Do you fear being alone and put up with bad behavior coz you dont want to lose him? You say one guy left you for another girl? Why didnt YOU kick him to the curb as soon as you realized there was another girl? People with self respect, confidence and self worth would sniff the red flags and run before falling for these types in the first place.

Remember self respect starts with you. If you want men to respect you then you MUST respect you. You set your own standards and expectations. How did you not figure out the guy was a player sooner? Do you ask questions, pick up on certain things he says that would hint at that? Talk to friends who may know info about him? How quickly did he bring up sex? Or was he too over the top romantically saying/doing all the right things. Thats another red flag. Most decent, genuine guys never tell you what you want to hear coz they don't know.. and there usually not good at being very romantic either

[Julia51423]

It could be a mix of bad lucky and your behaviour. Are you too accommodating and your standards too low? You might be seen as an easy target. Guys can sense when a girl lets him take advantage. You will meet an asshole once in awhile because there just people like that out there but if EVERY guy you meet act like this, it must be something you are doing.

Yeahh the problem is I need to figure out what it is that is causing this to happen. I REALLY want to figure that out..

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If this is a pattern that keeps happening then I am sorry to say the problem is you in some way. Do you come across as someone who will take crap off other people? Do you fear being alone and put up with bad behavior coz you dont want to lose him? You say one guy left you for another girl? Why didnt YOU kick him to the curb as soon as you realized there was another girl? People with self respect, confidence and self worth would sniff the red flags and run before falling for these types in the first place.

Remember self respect starts with you. If you want men to respect you then you MUST respect you. You set your own standards and expectations. How did you not figure out the guy was a player sooner? Do you ask questions, pick up on certain things he says that would hint at that? Talk to friends who may know info about him? How quickly did he bring up sex? Or was he too over the top romantically saying/doing all the right things. Thats another red flag. Most decent, genuine guys never tell you what you want to hear coz they don't know.. and there usually not good at being very romantic either

Yeah ik... You are probably right. I don't have the strongest personality ever and I guess because of that I can be a pushover sometimes and I probably put up with more crap then I really should. And I want to learn to have more self respect... I really do, and I want to learn to not be needy.. But I don't where to start. And if I do, will that really change the type of guys that I attract??

[Wakeup]

You should start with forming some STRONG personal boundaries that, when you have them in place, your confidence will increase and you'll feel good enough about yourself that you'll tell assholes to hit the road BEFORE you allow yourself to become vulnerable to them.

Here are some links on Personal Boundaries for you to read and hopefully learn to truly understand how important they are to your self-worth and your ability to form good, healthy, reciprocal relationships.

[url=http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm]Setting Healthy Boundaries: Allowing the True Self to Emerge[/url]

[url=http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm]403 Forbidden[/url]

[url=http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalboundaries.html]Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them[/url]

Google using the key words "The Importance of Personal Boundaries" to learn more.

Do read the links. You will change how you manage all your relationships (like business/family/friends) for the better, not just your romantic ones once you establish and maintain personal boundaries.

[Leialoha1975]

I'm sorry that your going through this... It happened to me too. I had the assholes, men used me and until I knew that I deserved better than some dickhead/jerk/ player... I left. And re cooperated myself, get myself together sort of speak. After I worked on myself... I found that I would also rather be alone than deal with someone who gives me crap and drama.
Don't keep asking why you attract these men... Have fun with your life! Your scenery might change in people too and make new friends... more friends... Don't be a hermit!!!!
Then when you least expect it, a real nice man who you probably never thought you would want in your life will come a long...

[lost_man]

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION] 's post about personal boundaries is very important, the concept of boundaries is something I have found very important in trying to improve some of my own tendencies. It takes work and you will make mistakes but it's a good way to start to shore up your sense of self.

[Whisteria]

You already have all the good advice from these members in this forum. Developing yourself is number one, you should focus on yourself more, if I were to ask you "who is the most important person in this world?" your answer would be? Yes yourself, if you have another answer then your problem is right there in front of you. Your appearance can cause the spark of attracting jerks, the way you talk and present arguments back. Take a clubbing scene for an example, in the club guys usually want to just have fun and if they score a girl that night then awesome! But the value of a girl in a club is higher because they know they have the attention so they reject or are protected by friends. However once your out of the club, the value is reduced! Therefore focusing on yourself is very important!

[N_divine]

Firstly, don't you worry because it is not entirely your fault that this continues to happen to you. It is only partly your fault. If you find that your partner is being insincere, you should walk away immediately as there is never an excuse for cheating. It is proven time and time again that emotional affairs cause more emotional trauma than physical. Never settle for under appreciation. Ever. If you are feeling under appreciated, the best move for you would be to rid your life of that dysfunction.

A good person would never feel comfortable putting their needs ahead of their partner's needs. Walking away because the grass is greener elsewhere is just an example of what it means to lack emotional maturity. If these people believe themselves to be mature adults who are doing themselves a favour, trust me, they are kidding themselves in every sense of the word. You are right to be angry.

Don't go searching for Mr. Right, he will find you. Be comfortable with who you are. To be honest, as a gentleman, only a wanker with a double shot of asshole would be capable of taking advantage of a good person. Please do not be ashamed of what has happened to you in the past. Instead, be thankful that these children are no longer in your life. Regardless of their IQ, they are children.

Want to know what I find sexy in a woman? A sheer refusal to accept behaviour that might prove to be dysfunctional in nature. It is, however, the reasons responsible for such a refusal that matter the most. Only one woman has ever had the courage to care to challenge me in this way. In turn, I began challenging her in some ways. What does that tell you? Never before have I shared such profound love with a woman, I will say that. This I realized after our second break-up.

It is clear that bigger, brighter and better things are in store for you my friend. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

[surfhb]

Read a book called The Law of Attraction . Easy read and it's perfect for you !!

[Julia51423]

Read a book called The Law of Attraction . Easy read and it's perfect for you !!

Yeah I've heard about that, but does that actually work?

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And thanks for the advice everyone. I will definitely start using it and you have all been really helpful and supportive.. so thank you for that.

[surfhb]

Yeah I've heard about that, but does that actually work?

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And thanks for the advice everyone. I will definitely start using it and you have all been really helpful and supportive.. so thank you for that.

It hasn't sold millions of copies for nothing