I need help figuring this out

[Amtc]

I've been seeing this guy for over five years. He's 47. He runs hot and cold with me and always has. Recently he's been pulling away a bit. I've been asking him to see me for a week now and he keeps saying maybe. He asked to see me last nite at the last minute and I didn't have a sitter for my kids so I couldn't. I spoke to him this morning and asked to see him tonite. He said possibly and I haven't heard from him since. Do I contact him again since its been nine hours since our conversation this morning, to see if he still wants to see me tonight? Or is that me being needy and pushy? Should I wait and see if I hear from him instead ? I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like he's playing games with me.

[lost_man]

Forget about him and ask yourself why you participate in this little drama.

What is it that you get out of it that keeps you locked in what you know is an unhealthy cycle? Is it that you just like the drama? Is it that you like unavailable men for some reason? Is it self esteem problems? If you truly want to change it you have to look into yourself and be honest about why you do the things you do so that you can see the light and change.

5 years of this kind of thing isn't ok and must be taking a toll on you.

[Whisteria]

Lost_man is correct, has a good point there. Five years is way too long to just be seeing, your basically a side dish for him.

[Amtc]

It is taking a toll on me. And I have so many other great guys that are interested in me. I don't know why I can't let go of him. When were together its soooooooo good. But when were not he pulls this stupid immature stuff and I get frustrated and say I'm done and then he calls or texts and I take him back. I'm stupid I know.

[woody]

No your not stupid; your stuck in the good moments and while there's nothing wrong with holding onto the fond memories, if the shyte one's outweigh the good one's, well that's one heck of a sacrifice..
5 years is waaay too long to be dealing with this hot/cold, there/gone, lovable/intolerable back and forth nonsense.

I think lost_man nailed it.

So what are you going to do about it?
I wouldn't call him. Wouldn't pick up the phone either. Some people can't appreciate what they've got until it's gone; might give him some backbone to man up or leave you alone and let you meet someone who will appreciate you.

Won't be easy for you. Your going to miss him. But you can't stay with him like this any longer can you? I don't know. That's your call.

Maybe by pulling away from him you'll allow him to fully realize what life would be like without you and your child/ren.

He'll either come back full heart in, or he won't.

Least then you'll know
self worth lady

[dontaskme]

He's 47, going out with him for five years and he's still hot and cold.... What the hell is wrong with you? Are you so desperate that you can't break loose?

[Amtc]

Thank you Woody. I think you're right. I need to pull away completely and see what he does. If he loves me like he says he does then things will change. If he doesn't then I never really had him in the first place I suppose. I'm starting today, I have not heard from him and I have not contacted him. I have a feeling this is going to be hard.

- - - Updated - - -

I'm in love with him, that's what's wrong with me I guess.

[Amtc]

Ok so he just sent me a text message. I didn't respond,.hopefully a step in the right direction.

[lost_man]

^good for you! So great to see someone actually make a proactive effort and report back how it goes…we're all rooting for you [MENTION=77435]Amtc[/MENTION], stay strong and stick with it!

edit: although…be wary of doing this as a means of getting him back, you are unlikely to fundamentally change his character whatever you do. Do it as a means of reclaiming your life for you, not him, regardless of what happens between you. It's a lifelong shift in perspective that you keep reinforcing, that's the key.

[woody]

^^^Yes.

Amtc, yes, it is going to be hard.
I suggest finding something that takes up your time, a new hobby of sorts. Something, anything to take your mind off hot/cold guy.
Hey, day by day right. Yah. Day by day.

Way to go. Seems some of us do have more action than words. Good on you

[Amtc]

Thank you both for your kind supportive words. It really does help