Doubting my relationship...Need a Male Perspective

[DatingDistress]

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months. The past month has been extremely difficult for me..I stopped taking an antidepressant medication and have since been an emotional nightmare.

It is difficult for me to decipher whether my emotional liability is the cause or effect of my disintegrating relationship. However, I feel very distant from him. He seems bored with me and I feel like he thinks he has to walk on eggshells. I really don't want to feel so far from him..it is incredibly painful for me.

I honestly can't pinpoint what it is exactly that is different. But I feel a separation, and I'm usually right about these things. I've tried bringing up my dissatisfaction before and I feel it might have pushed us away more.

Any advice on where to go from here?

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Oh c'mon...anyone???

[Edward1981]

I have a question. Has he stopped calling or hanging out with you?

[dontaskme]

Why don't you start taking your anti depressant again to see if your mood will improve then take it from there?

[DatingDistress]

I have a question. Has he stopped calling or hanging out with you?

No he hasn't stopped ..just scarred I'm going to do something to mess it up before I get back into the cycle of my medication. I don't want to push him away but I'm scarred I'm doing that. Doing my best to put on a good show but I don't think it's working.

[Edward1981]

Well if you have told him what is going on with your medication and he is still there if he really cares for you he will deal with whatever comes until you can get everything settled. When a good man finds someone he cares for it is not an easy thing to scare him off. Also one of the best ways to keep a strong relationship is to talk about it when you are having troubles. Just remember that if you tell a guy your troubles he most likely first response will be to try to solve them like a problem, it is just the way we tend to think. It does not mean anything bad. And if he can not solve your problems then he will likely get frustrated or mad. That would not be at you just in general because men are creatures of action by nature so it hurts us when we can not help those we care about. I believe many women misunderstand this as us being mad at them when that is far from the truth. Men in general try to show we care with actions not words or emotional outbursts. One of the best things you can do is not to think that he will act the way you would if you were in his position. Sometime men come off as not emotional and that is far from the truth we just handle them differently.

[dontaskme]

^^^ You're wrong!!!

No one wants to date someone who's an emotional wreck. Go back to your doctor and ask to be taken back to your anti depressant. It's emotionally, psychologically, and mentally draining to date someone who's depressed all the time.

[DatingDistress]

Ha that's probably the worst thing you can tell a depressed person.

[michelle23]

Anti depressants numb you. I remember when I was on the pill-dianette-new research showed there are too many hormones in it so doctor took me off it. I went from feeling numb to all these emotions/hormones rushing back and it kinda messed me up a bit. Maybe your just getting back to feeling "normal" again which will just take time

[dontaskme]

Ha that's probably the worst thing you can tell a depressed person.

Why? It is true and she knows it unless she's on denial and needs reality check? Would you want to date someone who's down and negative about life all the time? You're welcome btw.

[woody]

Good F--ing greif dontaskme; Compassion man, look it up.^^what the hell man?

now, to the lady;
You just got off the anti depressants. Is this on your own accord or did your Dr. tell you to stop. Either way, you are enduring one heck of a roller coaster of up's and down's. If you took yourself off them, I suggest making a Dr. apt to find out if that's the best option; you may need them for awhile longer especially if they were helping.

You two dated for 4 months and I assume you were on them (anti-d's) for this duration. Comfortably numb and now, your back in full emo mode. I'd be worried about you too if you were my sweetheart and as Edward said, men deal with things differently.

You'd need to get your 'balance' back before over reading your sweetheart's actions. See things clearly first.
May I ask, why were you on them in the first place? Because if there's underlying issues that you have not dealt with and took the anti-d's to blanket them, now your off them, well, youch.
Eat some food, get your head on straight, breath, have a stretch, everything will be alright.

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^^^ You're wrong!!!

No one wants to date someone who's an emotional wreck. Go back to your doctor and ask to be taken back to your anti depressant. It's emotionally, psychologically, and mentally draining to date someone who's depressed all the time.

It is a chemical imbalance that can and is often remedied with the right meds. This lady is obviously being pro active and trying to re balance her self out. She was on them, she took herself off them, she's asking for help, not ridicule.

[dontaskme]

^^^ Who's ridiculing who? I'm being flat out straight and realistic here. No sugar coating. She's not being pro active if her relationship is suffering, obviously. Was I not being helpful in telling her to go back to her doctor to see if she can go back to her meds?

Eating healthy will not help her depression. Don't be ridiculous and naive. Meds and psychotherapy will help her depression.

[michelle23]

OP why were you on anti depressants? How long for? Why did you stop taking them? Have you done anything else to help your depression?

[Wakeup]

Ha that's probably the worst thing you can tell a depressed person.

What should people tell a depressed person... something they want to hear that will do nothing to help them past their problem? WTF?

If you're transitioning from one med to another then the likely-hood is that you're just being paranoid that something is different with him. I wouldn't be surprised though that this "distance" you say you feel is real FOR YOU.

Get your meds straightened out and ask your therapist about learning how to chill-lax. Anything less is just a waste of your good thoughts.

[nerdy_guy]

Are you saying that if you are on antidepressants, you can make your relationship work, because you are in a better mood? What emotional nightmares do you show to him that makes him distant? why do you feel these emotional nightmares that you speak of? I don't think it is as easy as saying, "I have these nightmares because I'm off my meds", there are things that you are thinking of that makes you feel these things, what are they? If you can identify these problems, that should be a good start for you.

[Edward1981]

^^^ Who's ridiculing who? I'm being flat out straight and realistic here. No sugar coating. She's not being pro active if her relationship is suffering, obviously. Was I not being helpful in telling her to go back to her doctor to see if she can go back to her meds?

Eating healthy will not help her depression. Don't be ridiculous and naive. Meds and psychotherapy will help her depression.

Actually it depends on the situation sometime the meds are just used to help start the recovery and need to be removed before it can be completed. It is a very situational thing which is why a doctor should be the one to determine if they are needed and just so you know eating health can have a dramatic effect on how your bodies hormone levels will react. And as for her not be pro-active about her relationship she is here asking for advice and help so yes she is actually being proactive.