in love but sexually unsatisfied

[luvgodess]

i have been in my relationship for almost 5 years and we are expecting our first baby together . i love him deeply he is a great man and such a kind heart but when it comes to our sex life im afraid it has fizzled away . in the beginning it was mind blowing life altering sex sessions which i know is normal in the "honeymoon" and now just the same thing .. i go down on him which turns me on then we have sex same 4 positions last maybe 20 mins then he finishes and thats that.
there is no romance , no foreplay, ...he never goes down on me which i guess is because he not into it anymore because in beginning he did but then that stopped and now i dont even want him too because i feel like he doesnt enjoy it or he just doesnt like me down there ,i was paranoid it was hygenic so if i ever wanted him to go down on me i make sure im fresh and stopped letting him ejaculate inside of me as to not upset my ph balance and stopped using strong soaps , i know i dont smell as i had an issue before with ph balance didnt expect him to then but now its not the issue . i have long labia as well which im very self conscience about especially when you see the vaginas of women in porn,which is maybe another reason he wont ? now it not even an option , he never even attempts, it has been 4 years since he has given me any oral pleasure even though i always make sure he gets his and i enjoy it because he does..and now he has made me feel so bad about it i dont even want him to because i feel like its forced .
if i at least had some real foreplay then i guess i could learn to deal with never being orally pleasured but even if he fingers me its for maybe 5 mins then he just goes in for the kill. i masturbate all the time because that is the only way i ever orgasm. he doesnt do romantic things ever like set the mood no candles massage kissing rubbing . im so fraustrated i have made comments but changes nothing , im sure in his mind the sex is great because its important to me to pleasure him .
unfortunately i dont think its as important to him
i know sex is not most important in a relationship and its not that our sex isnt enjoyable .. i just need more
the other night i shaved down there which i just let go because he never even pays any attention down there except to stick it in . i made sure all was nice and trim told him i shaved just for him , then we started to fool around i was giving him head and i guess i was doing it very well cause 10 minutes later he told me going to cum so i stopped and then he came , nothing for me not even intercourse. he could tell i was disappointed so he said we could have sex later , then he just went downstairs went to bed. makes me sad because he has become a very selfish lover
that why im writing this post ..i need some help\suggestions

[haxan]

He's bored with you. The sex was good in the beginning, so unless you've changed dramatically in appearance, your looks are not the issue. It happens. Maybe he will refind his passion for you, maybe not. It's not something you can make happen.

[Wakeup]

It is something that you can make happen. He just has to be well aware that you're not satisfied. You can start by not allowing him to do this anymore:

if i at least had some real foreplay then i guess i could learn to deal with never being orally pleasured but even if he fingers me its for maybe 5 mins then he just goes in for the kill.

You can let him know passionately that you're not ready for "the kill" and would he please do "this" "that" or the "other thing" (whatever that may be that will prepare you) you can kiss and fondle him and keep him aroused while he does the things you need him to do to get you ready.

Stop enabling him to be a selfish lover. Subtle, passionate, sexy "commands" are in order. That's your job. You must train him to be who you want him to be and quit enabling him to be who you do not want.

[michelle23]

Subtle hints occasionally don't work. Most men don't have a clue what women need in bed unless they are trained properly. If you have never guided him or told him what you want then how is he supposed to know?

You let this happen and he doesn't know there is a problem. So now you need to tell him that you need foreplay too.

[dontaskme]

Drizzle some chocolates in your vag, grab him by his ears and guide his mouth to your chocolate and tell him to lap it up like the dawg that he is and don't let his ears go until the job is completed.

[asdfg789]

Drizzle some chocolates in your vag, grab him by his ears and guide his mouth to your chocolate and tell him to lap it up like the dawg that he is and don't let his ears go until the job is completed.

kinky fantasy you have ...

[breathe123]

Sex and attraction are important factors in a good relationship and still wanting the other as much even after years is crucial. I think you being pregnant will lessen it more, talk to him on your feelings and what you need sexually.

[montanamommy]

Selfish lovers SUCK, and I've had plenty of them. Men seriously don't realize how much emotion us women put into sex, and how much it means to us, etc. They also don't realize that--especially with today's stigmas--that us giving ourselves up to a man we love is a true sign of trust and emotional bonding.

A few years back, I was researching the differences between men and women during sex, and it was surprising; women's brains (under MRI) lit up in the same areas during sex as when they'er having an intellectual conversation. Men's brains lit up in the areas most commonly associated with simple lust, excitement, and adrenaline.

So yes, biologically, men and women are just mentally different when it comes to sex.

Now, you did mention that you guys are expecting your first baby together. How far along are you? He might be stressing out about the coming baby. Men are "fixers" and feel like they need to find the problem, prioritize, evaluate, and conquer. He might have all this crazy stuff in his head like "Did I assemble that crib right? Is the baby gonna fall out of it? Is it gonna collapse, taking the baby with it? God, I'm gonna be such a bad father" haha Sarcastic, of course, but men's brains are always whirring about crap like that. Us women, on the other hand, are thinking, "Why did he just blink twice when he told me he would take out the trash? Is he lying? Do I ask him to take out the trash too often? Oh my god, our relationship is over. He doesn't love me anymore!!" haha Sarcastic, again, but you see where I'm coming from...men and women think completely differently, and this does not exclude sex.

Here's my advice: tell him straight-up what you want out of sex. Don't approach him with the "Are you not attracted to me anymore?" thing because no--you deserve to be strong and confident in your sex appeal. Asking him this question will make you look weak. Take the bull by the horns and let him know in a nice way (since men have fragile EGOS; not fragile emotions) that you're dissatisfied with how things have dwindled down over time, and you feel like there needs to be more BEFORE sex. And DURING sex, don't wait for him to put you in one of those same 4 positions--grab him, flip him around, do whatever. Men sometimes like to be suddenly controlled, and it heightens their excitement and spices things up. You want him "down there"? Then grab his face gently and guide him. Men hate asking for directions, as we all know. Draw a dang map on your body if you have to, girl!! Get the job done, and don't be afraid to let him know you're not satisfied. Be nice, though, since men's egos are more easily broken than a cheap toy.

Good luck, girl!! Keep us updated!