Should I stop?

[Trivium632]

Hello everyone,

So, I'm 22 and she's 20. Both in college. In fact, we met in a class. We have multiple common friends.

Here you go. I've been seeing this girl for a while now. It was casual. Mostly sex. We weren't really friends when this started. Eventually, something happened in my life that was pretty hard. I called her. She helped a lot and, since then, our relationship started to feel different. For a month, we would continue to see each others but, when we were not together, we started to say how much we missed one another and those kind of stuff. She eventually met my mother when she wasn't supposed to. She kinda planned it behind my back. Kinda. Anyway it was ok.

Then she went on vacation for the weekend to her parents place which is about an hour from where we live. She started texting me that she was feeling weird. That going back to her hometown was bringing her back to reality and stuff. I talked to her and she was fine. She came back and it went back to normal. Well, not really or I wouldn't be writing this. Every week or so, she would start to freak out and say that I was expecting something out of her that she couldn't give me. I didn't get it. Things were going well and eveything. I started to feel insecure. That she would leave me, even if we were not really together as a couple. By the way, we were exclusive by then.

It lasted for about a month. She would get confused every now and then. Saying she doesn't know what she wants. I started calling and texting more and more. By the way, she's the type that needs her time alone. Big mistake but hey, I was freaked out. I didn't want to lose her. Eventually, I went to her place and asked her. Either you want to be my girlfriend or you don't. She cried. A lot. I knew she would not say yes, but I needed that off my mind. We stopped talking.

I missed her and went to her place on a thursday night. We talked a lot and she told me that she saw and slept with her ex when she went back to her parents. I kinda knew it already. At least, I was suspicious. Yet, it was OK. I didn't feel betrayed or anything. I don't know why. By the way, she told me that it was fine with her ex and that why they broke up wasn't because of one another. She had to move out of town and he didn't want to. So, they split up. She told me that since then, he would always call her and text her. She wasn't interested in him anymore. Too many bad memories. I told her that she needed to get rid of him. Tell him that it was really over. And she did the day after.

She did and then, she told me that she wanted to take it slow with me. She wanted to date me. So we did, without the sex, go on a date the tuesday after. It was perfect. We couldn't stop being close. We told each other our lives. It was really a dream. We planned to meet the next tuesday since she was busy. Yet, the day after, she wanted to see me and I wanted to see her. I went to her place and we had a walk. Again, it was really perfect. Untillllll....

Thursday. I knew she had a big day at school and that we wouldn't be able to talk a lot. Yet, I texted her a bit. She would answer but something was different. The enthousiasm wasn't really there. I got really clingy. I texted more and more. I would call her. She told me she was going to have a drink with a friend. I texted again and again. Called again. Bam. She told me that we couldn't see each other anymore. That she was feeling anxious all day long. It wasn't my fault, but she couldn't let someone in. It was too much pressure.

We talked again the next day. She told me that she was afraid. She was afraid that I would hurt her. That she couldn't make her just close her eyes and trust me. I asked her if she loved me. She did. She answered that she loved me as much as she could love somebody right now. She would miss me but she didn't want to make me suffer anymore with all the in and out she did for the last month or so. That she was doing this for me.

Here we are. I haven't spoke to her in the last week. I now realize I was clingy and that letting herself date me was a big step for her. By being needy like that, I didn't respect her pace. That I needed to slow down with her instead of asking her to follow me. I have to say that I got it now. She would lower her wall to let me in, but as soon as she would notice that I was coming too close, she would push me back. I love the girl and she loves me too. I know we could make something happen that would last for years. I am a guy who wants something reliable and I think she'd want that too. Now, what I want to know is, did I **** things up too much to try again?

[Wakeup]

did I **** things up too much to try again?

She's fvcked up to much to try "this" again.

Let her go and make it so she can't contact you anymore. If that means only seeing your mutual friends when she's not going to be there, then so be it.

[nico88]

I agree with wakeup. It's always hard dealing with the aftermaths of an ended relationship but I think it would be best to let this go.