How do I get my boyfriend and bestfriend back?

[hermosaa]

I met my boyfriend in 2009. We met at school (he is a year younger than me) and at first I was not interested in him. He liked me alot and tried to kiss me several times but I did not want to jeopardize the friendship we had. I have had "flings" with two previously friends and after I started getting feelings for them they backed away and our friendship was ruined. I did not want this with him because I really liked having him as my friend. Eventually I realized that I had feelings for him too, and in 2010 we became a couple.

Our relationship was based on our friendship and we had a lot of fun together. He really became my bestfriend--I could tell him everything and we enjoyed each others company when we were together. We always had a saying that school, our studies and our goals in life would come first. So we have never lived together but just hung out and slept over at each others houses a couple nights a week.

My boyfriend has never been used to share his feelings and I was sometimes frustrated that he did not share his affection for me or his feeling alot. But I somehow have gotten to know the way he works and how to read him

Last year I finished university and had applied for studies outside of the city where we lived. Unfortunately I did not get accepted but I did get an offer to go abroad for a year with the Peace Corps. Some years earlier my boyfriend had told me that if I ever went abroad (I have always been excited about traveling) for a longer period that he would end it. Because he did not see himself having a long distance relationship (this probably because of all the horror stories he had heard from friends). So before I accepted the offer from the peace corps we talked about it for days, and he said that if I was going he would still stay together with me. He said that I was his bestfriend and that he did not want to lose me. So I left, he cried, I cried, but somehow I was happy about my decision. We talked every week on Skype and we also used an app called Couple (which by the way is fantastic!). I came home a couple of weeks for christmas and he had then picked me up from the airport, had booked an hotel room, bought champange and it was such a magical moment. He even cried when he saw me, and I was very happy.

In january I went back and in febuary he came to visit me. We had so much fun for 3 weeks, but eventually he had to go back home. A couple of weeks after he went back home we talked on skype and he told me something that made my heart stop. He thought he did not see a future with me and he was unsure if he wanted to continue in this relationship. I was heart broken. I told him that I would like if he made a decision soon, because I had been accepted to two schools (one back home and one in the city where he lived (pretty far apart) but it is the same type of study), and if he broke up I would accept the offer from the school in the city where he did not live. He told me he was unable to make a decision and he wanted to wait till I got back home. So I had two long months ahead of me thinking what might happen when I got back home. I accepted the offer from both the schools just in case.

In June when I came back home it was like magic again. We were happy together. We talked alot about what he said when I was abroad and he said that he did not think like that anymore, and that it probably was because of the distance between us. I moved to the same city as him (we still don't live together) and started school and was happy. UNTIL....

two weeks ago I came over to his house because we had planned to make dinner and watch a movie. He was really quiet and acted strange. I asked him about it and he said again what he said that time over Skype. He does not see a future with me. He told me he wanted a break to find out what he wants and get his mind straight. I was devastated.

Last week he came knocking on my door in tears and told me that it was over. He told me that he still loved me and still had feelings for me, he just doesnt see a future with me because he thinks we are so different. He also told me that I deserve someone better, someone who can give me the affection I need and someone that does not hide his feelings. It was an emotional day. He cried alot and I cried even more. He asked me if we still could be bestfriends, but I told him that that would be too difficult for me. I can still remember seeing him walking away through the window while we both were crying.

I have not talked to him in one week and I am hurting very bad. I try to stay active. Doing school work, exercizing, got a new part-time job. But still it is very hard to get up in the morning and I have crazy mood swings. I feel so alone and lonely. I just moved to a new city where I only have a couple of friends and they all have their lives so I kinda feel like a burden contacting them to want to talk about this (but I have done this several times).
My boyfriend is out of town for a couple of weeks, he comes back next week, and I can imagine that that will be very hard because we attend the same school. So I probably have to see him every day! This kinda upsets me but at the same time I am kinda in denial. I don't think this is realistic and I think that he will realize that he made a huge mistake and will be knocking on my door as soon as he is back.

I saw a future with him and I am so hurt cause I lost my bestfriend. We have been together 4 1/2 years.
How can I get him back?

(sorry for the long story!!)

[andytownsend]

I think the wrong assumption is thinking that he is making a big mistake. How sure are you that he is making a big mistake? I think the best solution is just to move on and focus on yourself. Goodluck!