Can you be friends with an ex?

[valeriegarcia18]

This is going to be a bit of a lengthy post but if you would read it and give me some advice and perspective on the matter, I think it would really help me.

I'm 19, my boyfriend and I just broke up this weekend on Saturday. I suppose that's grounds to start calling him my "ex." But that's not the point. He just turned 21 a couple weeks ago, so he's new to the whole bar scenery and night life. It's actually one of the reasons behind our breakup. When he started going out with his friends/coworkers, it's like his mindset changed. Before that he used to make it seem like we had a future together. We used to talk about him meeting my parents and even once while I was tutoring him and he just wasn't understanding he accidentally said "our kids are going to come out stupid because of me." Then he said, he couldn't believe he had just said that but I'm sure that he said it for a reason. When I used to complain about how busy he was he would tell me "just wait. I'll be less busy one day. Life is going to suck for a little bit but just wait." I believed we had a future. Maybe we're right for each other but the timing is wrong. We're so young. He's 21 and I'm 19. I'm an idiot for thinking it would actually work out, I really am. We're both really busy people. We both go to school during the week so we never really had time to see each other then. And then on weekends he worked, mostly til late at night. That also became a problem because it made it hard for us to see each other but somehow we managed to make it work for a little while. When we weren't together we would keep in contact whether it was through the phone, text or Skype. It was just really hard. He told me that he liked the attention he was getting at the bars. That he liked the flirting and all that. He wants to be single when he goes out with his friends. He wants to be with other women. He wants to experience the single life in his 20s. "It's just that one woman won't satisfy me right now... You'll understand when you turn 21 and you start going out..." is what he said. When we broke up, kept saying "maybe in 5 years or so, we'll run into each other again. I'll be done with school, I won't be as busy and the circumstances will be different. You never know what can happen then..." It's almost like he's insinuating that he wants to be with me, just not now. Like he wants me to wait for him or something. The day after we broke up, I posted a quote on instagram that read "maybe we''l meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart." He knew it was for him and he "liked" it, which leads me to believe that he just might want me, in the future. I wouldn't ask him to give up his youth for me. I love him too much to ask him to sacrifice that for me. I know we both have so much on the line right now and we're just trying to sort out our lives and prepare for the future. I understand that, completely. We both admitted to loving each other when we we're breaking up. The first time we said "I love you" was at the same time we had to say "goodbye." I mean, how ****ed up is that? He still wants to be friends and wants to talk "soon." I'm not sure I can right now. My heart is really fragile and I'm simply a mess right now. But I don't want to lose him. He's an amazing person. I would rather be his friend than lose him completely. How can I do it? How can I still have him be a part of my life?

[Exeter19]

yeah, you can still be friends, even best friends but you can't ever want to have a relationship, or sex or anything romantic with that person ever again, only friends so no judging or jealousy or possessiveness with them ever. don't stay around hoping maybe in xyz years we can do it again, that isn't being a friend only. treat him like a brother and it could work as friends.

[valeriegarcia18]

yeah, you can still be friends, even best friends but you can't ever want to have a relationship, or sex or anything romantic with that person ever again, only friends so no judging or jealousy or possessiveness with them ever. don't stay around hoping maybe in xyz years we can do it again, that isn't being a friend only. treat him like a brother and it could work as friends.

And how am I supposed to be just a "friend" to him? I still want him to be a part of my life but I don't know how to do that. I've never been friends with any of my exes. We weren't really so called "friends" before we jumped into a relationship. We started dating and a month or so later we made it official... So I'm not really sure how to be just a friend to him because I was never really one to begin with, if that makes sense. By the way, thank you for reading and giving me helpful advice. I really appreciate it.

[lovebroken]

I'm friends with most of my ex's but we no longer want to get romantically together anymore or ever again.

To be his friend you must not love him the way a person loves another they are dating, like the poster above said , love him like a brother or family member, with respect.

[andytownsend]

You can't be friends with him when you still feel something with him. That is not called friendship. Now, I don't think you should be in a relationship with him again when you both don't agree with how you would live your lives. That will cause more fights.

[ladyloveslosers]

Hey to be honest from my own personal experience the whole "friends" thing doesn't work because their just too much emotional investment. Definitely through this difficult time stay strong!

[nico88]

From experiences I've had..remaining friends with an ex doesn't work out. Somewhere down the road signals are gunna get crossed and those old feelings are gunna resurface and it's gunna cause nothing but confusion and heartache for you or them or both of you. It's best to just close all doors and start over with a clean slate you know? Best that's just my opinion..

[valeriegarcia18]

Thank you for the advice everyone. I've put a lot of thought into it and I realized that as much as I would like to be friends with him and keep him in my life, I can't. It's just too hard for me. I have him on my mind, most of the time. And I really just don't know how to forget. Today, I deleted him from all my social media accounts. I can't pretend like there isn't/wasn't something there, I just can't. More than anything, I want him to be happy but I want to be happy too. I just want to forget this all happened. I want to be okay again. I think about this all day sometimes, I wish I didn't. This breakup has been so hard for me and I just want to feel good again. I don't want to date again, at least not until I'm a little older and I have my life sorted out.