Originally Posted by dontaskme
Let me simplify this for you Don'tAsk, I already answered her question, with 'don't bother introducing him to your parents yet, if you know what their response is going to be. She doesn't sound open to them changing her mind about him, but rather hopes to change their minds. Her parents are likely to be as open minded as you all, or me, on this matter as I've clarified this is a mistake, in my opinion.
So she's just going to be starting shit for the sole purpose of starting it by introducing this guy to mom and dad.
My opinion stands, she is an adult, she can date him if she wants to, but I think it's cruel to put her parents through it. IF however, she wanted her parents opinion, that would be a different story.
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Have you ever stopped to think that this guy might WANT to meet her parents because he knows it will cause a rift between her and her family. If he manages to also offend her friends well then, if he is the abuser we all fear he might be, he has her exactly where he wants her, isolated from the people who care about her and fighting against their help and concern for her. Right now she's safe with a loving family with whom she speaks.
P.S. I can compare adults to adults if I like on a public forum.
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Thread: Age Gap
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09-10-14, 07:20 PM #46
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Last edited by pseudosooz; 09-10-14 at 07:22 PM.
“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker
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10-10-14, 01:43 AM #47
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You can compare whoever you want, however, you're still way off because it's like comparing apples to oranges... And no, it's not cruel for the parents to know about the boyfriend, they are old enough to understand or accept the choices of the daughter. Originally Posted by pseudosooz
Unlike YOU, who says are being open minded, NO, you're not because you are telling her to hide things from the parents where the OP wants to disclose it to them, her question is how and whether to tell them his age or not. Don't you think as their parents, they would like to know what is going on with their child?
It seems like the OP has a close relationship with her family based on her post and that's why she's worried. Now to ease her worries, she needs to face the issue and introduce the guy and be upfront about his age or she's going to end up always thinking about it?
Why do you think she posted this issue in a public forum? Because it obviously bothers her and your suggestion to hide it isn't helping her cause!
And lol to your comment about being American, you are once again very wrong about your opinions on Americans. I have travelled a lot internationally to Asia, Europe, Caribbean and South America. I just have no desire to go to India, lmao!
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And you are so dramatic btw, because now you're starting to think about the shit it will cause and what this guy wants to do and going off the tangent again by including her friends in the picture.
Make it simple pseudo by sticking to the question and not overly thinking it by telling the OP about something that may not happen. You're just giving her extra things to worry about, and it isn't necessary at this point!Last edited by dontaskme; 10-10-14 at 01:37 AM.
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10-10-14, 02:26 AM #48
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We could simplify it further by reading the OP in more detail.
She's not asking whether she should/shouldn't date this guy - that much she seems to have made up her mind on. She states she is prone to insecurity so that might explain why she's okay with dating someone her dads age. She also states he is insecure about his age...but I would argue he wouldn't be insecure about his age if he wasn't trying to pursue women 1/2 his age. That's not really an insecurity - it's masquerading as someone you're not (a younger man) in order to get what you want (a young woman) and being a bit concerned that you might get found out when they notice he has one wrinkle too many. It's calculated so don't be fooled. You're 24, he's 42 - he's got a lot of years on you so probably knows a thing or two about how to bullshit successfully.
Anyway. Unless you're living out of home, are financially independent and don't see your parents very often, keeping him a secret is probably unlikely; they will ask or they will see you together...at some point. So, whether you face the music then or now is up to you. Are they going to love it? Probably not - they will wonder why their daughter is dating old men and why this guy can't get a woman closer to his own age...and so on, so forth. But if your mind it made up - not much they can do.
Just keep your wits about you.
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10-10-14, 02:41 AM #49
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^^^ Good one tables and chairs! And you're on point in saying that it's inevitable that the parents will meet the guy at some point whether that would be a family get together, wedding, parties, etc, so why not face the music now and ease your worries OP instead of postponing them?
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We seemed to have lost the OP, lol!
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10-10-14, 03:08 AM #50
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The OP is probably at his place, listening to 70's rock and reminiscing about the 80's. Well, he'll be reminiscing, she'll be getting a history lesson.
I've lived on my own for ages but I've never been able to successfully withhold much from my parents. Somehow they just happen to be at the same place/wrong time...or they'll just pop over unexpectedly and voila, I'm forced to introduce them. Her parents will have an opinion and she'll have to swallow it if she wants to continue dating Peter Pan. Simple as that.
God, I remember being 24 and 'older' meant 30...but hey, works for George Clooney...but he doesn't have to lie about his age.
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10-10-14, 06:38 AM #51
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Why would you listen to 70's rock and reminisce about the 80's? Wouldn't you listen to 70's rock to reminisce about the 70's, or listen to 80's rock to reminisce about the 80's? :-P
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10-10-14, 07:35 AM #52
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Because the boyfriend is Peter Pan just in case you missed it. He pretends to be young (and lied about his age) when in fact, he is old or he is refusing to accept his age. Originally Posted by TheEvilJester
Last edited by dontaskme; 10-10-14 at 07:37 AM.
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11-10-14, 05:59 AM #53
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I got it E.J. Originally Posted by dontaskme
“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker
