Is it normal? Should I initiate contact now? Need help!

[Lilia]

I don't have much experience at dating game.
Is this normal that a guy always initiates contact on the early stages of dating? Or I should do it too?
I had a date with a guy. He contacted me the same evening with a thank you message.
I thanked him back. He then contacted me 2 days after and we had a chat which I ended first. ( He was on a business trip but he didn't tell me anything about when he's coming back).
Then 3 days after he contacted me again, I said I was busy and that I'd text him when I am free. I texted him that evening he didn't respond.
Next day he responded and we had a chat and he asked me out. We set up a date and time but not the place yet. It's been 2 days and I haven't yet heard from him.
The date is supposed to be tomorrow evening.
AM I supposed to contact him tonight? I don't want to come off as desperate.
Should I wait for him to contact me?
I am sorry if my question is silly but this is serious for me.
I'd be grateful to get some advice.
Now I'm thinking what if he changed his mind and doesn't want to see me…
Also you might wonder why I am so afraid to show interest when the guy clearly showed me that he's interested.
I can explain it too - this guy is used to attention from women, everything comes easy to him.
So I want to stand out and not be like the rest of girls who are after him. I want to be a challenge for him.

[TheEvilJester]

I would say that if you haven't heard from my soon, like by the day of at the very latest, you should just send a simple text to say something along the lines of "Hey there! Are we still on for (insert date/time here)? We hadn't talked about where to meet."

That doesn't make you seem desperate or too easy. You are just trying to confirm your plans. Believe me, I think if that is the way I feel, you can probably be pretty safe to assume that it is okay for you to do just that. Because I over think things to an insane detail thinking everything little thing I do is the wrong thing, or is going to p*$$ people off or make them not like me. LOL! So, for me to be so certain that is okay, I'd say, is a pretty good sign.

Not to mention, IF he turns out to be the flaky sort of person who makes plans and then backs out at the last minute, it would be better to learn that sooner rather than later. Or, if he is the type that is so full of his own bullcrap that he acts like you should feel privileged just to be with him, then better to know that as soon as possible as well. You certainly don't deserve that. Nobody does.

Though, I'm sure you are probably just getting yourself worried for no reason. Trust me, I know what that is like. I am practically the king of worrying over nothing.

Good luck!

[Lilia]

TheEvilJester,
thank you very much for your opinion!
I texted him.
I wonder if he replies tomorrow should I cancel the date?
Cos it's not good that he left me hanging and he knows that we wanted to meet right after I finish work. Which means I have to prepare in the morning. So I don't even know if I should get ready for a date or not.
Now it's like 10 pm here. So if he doesn't text tonight, and texts tomorrow, do u think I should cancel and tell him that I already made different plans cos he didn't confirm?

[aprilshowers]

If you like him do not cancel the plans. Not everybody checks their phone all the time. Don't mess it up for yourself. You are not appearing desperate and this might be the big one. Don't miss out. Life is too short to worry about what other people think of how it looks. I think if you like someone there is no harm in showing interest and texting to check the plans etc and it sounds like he likes you too.

[Lilia]

He texted me this morning. He said his schedule changed and we can't meet.
He said we could meet next time but I have a feeling that he's lying to me.
He's staying in my city for 2 days and he can't find a gap in his schedule for me?
He knows that I work until 6 pm though.
But I am upset. Why did he make plans with me in the first place if he didn't want to meet me.
May be he met someone else...

[purple_roses]

i wouldnt jump to the conclusion that he's lying or with someone else.
I would make the move to let him know u are really interested and make plans to hang out again and if those fall through too, I would just forget about him

[TheEvilJester]

That is a bummer. And he SHOULD have just told you this sooner rather than to leave you hanging. Even if he didn't know for sure, rather than not giving you an answer at all, he could have shared with you that he may have to cancel.

But, again, maybe he was just really busy and didn't get a chance. Could it be possible that this is secretly his way of blowing you off? Sure. But, it is also just as possible that he sincerely wanted to get together with you, and just sincerely had last minute things come up. Please take it from somebody who cannot help but speculate and drive myself insane, try not to speculate. It's torturous. If you like him, keep giving it a try. Obviously don't over-do it, but if you like him there is no harm in showing interest in getting together.

If he becomes a serial plan canceler and it seems like he never has time for you, then you will know he isn't worth your trouble. So, for now, just continue to proceed as though you are interested in him, and as thought you know he is interested in you, and his actions will tell you what you need to know. I only wish I could follow my own advice. Just be happy you are not me. LOL! I do this crap to myself even with friends, when they are friends who mean enough to me.

Good luck!

[Lilia]

TheEvilJester thank you very much!
purple_roses, thank you very much too!
I think I made a big mistake.. cos I was upset and I replied to him (he was visiting my city):
"Ok. Have a safe flight. The weather is crazy here, so windy in the morning,almost like a storm, I was lucky my friend rescued me this morning, he safely drove me to work .I just went to get lunch and saw a fence knocked down by wind. Stay warm"
Please somebody tell me, does it sound very cheesy? Like I was trying to show him that there's a guy who picked me up to drive me to work?
I think he was pissed by that msg cos he didn't reply "thanks" or anything like that. Is it very obvious that I was trying to make him jealous?
I am asking it in this thread cos it's still related to the topic and I'd be selfish to start a new thread just to ask this one question.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't know. If it were me, I don't think I'd necessarily take from that message that you were trying to be blatant in saying that another guy drove you to work. Was that your intention? Either way, I don't think if I were him I'd have jumped to that conclusion. And.... again, I always tend to torture myself with crap like that. So, if I am saying that, I've gotta think most people wouldn't necessarily think twice about it.

Also, some people just have different texting style. Personally, if I am actually having an ongoing text conversation with somebody, I will tend to actually specifically say if/when I need to go. If we just send one or two texts and it isn't really an ongoing conversation, then that is different. However, I have friends who can text with me back and forth all day, and then they'll just stop at some point. No specific "Hey, I gotta go. We'll talk later" kind of text or anything like that. Some people just see texting as more of a "when it is convenient" kind of a conversation.

So, could very well be he just didn't necessarily feel that needed a response. Were you already kind of wrapping up the conversation at the time? Again, I wouldn't speculate about things like that if I were you. (And, again, I know all about driving yourself crazy with ridiculous speculation.) Actions tell the story more so than words. Just keep doing what you are doing and his actions will tell you whether or not he is worth your time.

[Lilia]

I don't know. If it were me, I don't think I'd necessarily take from that message that you were trying to be blatant in saying that another guy drove you to work. Was that your intention? Either way, I don't think if I were him I'd have jumped to that conclusion. And.... again, I always tend to torture myself with crap like that. So, if I am saying that, I've gotta think most people wouldn't necessarily think twice about it.

Also, some people just have different texting style. Personally, if I am actually having an ongoing text conversation with somebody, I will tend to actually specifically say if/when I need to go. If we just send one or two texts and it isn't really an ongoing conversation, then that is different. However, I have friends who can text with me back and forth all day, and then they'll just stop at some point. No specific "Hey, I gotta go. We'll talk later" kind of text or anything like that. Some people just see texting as more of a "when it is convenient" kind of a conversation.

So, could very well be he just didn't necessarily feel that needed a response. Were you already kind of wrapping up the conversation at the time? Again, I wouldn't speculate about things like that if I were you. (And, again, I know all about driving yourself crazy with ridiculous speculation.) Actions tell the story more so than words. Just keep doing what you are doing and his actions will tell you whether or not he is worth your time.

I totally get your point. You are right, we were wrapping up the conversation, I can't even call it a chat, I sent him an email and he replied (telling me that we couldn't meet). I replied back wishing him a safe flight and telling him about the weather. So you are right, may be it didn;t feel necessary for him to respond. Yet I still get a feeling that he probably was a bit jealous too.
Yes, I intentionally told him about the guy to make him jealous and I didn't want to make it too obvious.
I am glad it doesn't seem very obvious to you!
Thank you for sharing your opinion. =)

[Lilia]

Well the day after he cancelled the date he texted me on Skype as soon as I got on line with a simple "hey".
I replied 1 hour and a half later: "hi what's up?"
He saw that and didn't reply.
Yes I know I was stupid to ignore him but I was still pissed that he replied to my email next day. (I texted him at about 6 pm to confirm the plans and he only got back to me in the morning).
And seriously I could have been having a video call on Skype or simply be on line but not next to my laptop doing something else.
Now I haven't heard from him for 2 days, he didn't even go on line on Skype.
I don't know what to do… I am thinking what if he didn't see that I replied to him.
Or what if he thinks that I ignored him on purpose….
What should I do now?
Please give some advise I am clueless and I am over thinking the whole situation.
You know when I got his "hey" message after he cancelled the date I was so happy like a fool but yet ignored him.
Should I wait till he gets on line and message him? but what if he doesn't go on line for like a week? What if he decided to never text me again…
Should I send him an email?

- - - Updated - - -

I am so obsessed with him I am falling head over hills for him...

[Wakeup]

He texted me this morning. He said his schedule changed and we can't meet.
He said we could meet next time but I have a feeling that he's lying to me.
He's staying in my city for 2 days and he can't find a gap in his schedule for me?
He knows that I work until 6 pm though.
But I am upset. Why did he make plans with me in the first place if he didn't want to meet me.
May be he met someone else...

Yet you were going to cancel on him to play some game to make him think that he's having to "work for you?"

You're too immature to be dating a guy like him. He's playing you now and he's winning at the game because he's got you so worked up that you're coming to a forum board full of strangers to help you figure out your own next move.

Stop contacting him altogether and when or if he has the time and most importantly, the interest in actually meeting you, he'll make the proper effort.

Did you ever wonder why he doesn't return your text when you text him at night? There is a good reason for that and it's a red flag reason too.

Forget him and let him chase the women that want to be his casual partner. You're not experienced or indifferent enough to just forget pieces of work like him that just show enough interest to fk with your head.

[Lilia]

Yet you were going to cancel on him to play some game to make him think that he's having to "work for you?"

You're too immature to be dating a guy like him. He's playing you now and he's winning at the game because he's got you so worked up that you're coming to a forum board full of strangers to help you figure out your own next move.

Stop contacting him altogether and when or if he has the time and most importantly, the interest in actually meeting you, he'll make the proper effort.

Did you ever wonder why he doesn't return your text when you text him at night? There is a good reason for that and it's a red flag reason too.

Forget him and let him chase the women that want to be his casual partner. You're not experienced or indifferent enough to just forget pieces of work like him that just show enough interest to fk with your head.

Thanks. At least he doesn't know that he made me so worried about it.
He always texts me first, I haven't done any pursuing. He consistently texted me for 1 month before we had the first date. (he was in another city). And he consistently texted me after we had the first date.
He didn't return my text at night only once.(when I wanted to confirm the plans).
The last time probably doesn't count cos he texted me first and I was the one who ignored the text.
You say I am not experienced enough to date that guy but I'm sick of dating guys who treat me like a princess and they take any shit from me.
Sometimes they go on a date with me even when I say that I might not be there cos my mood might change. And a guy still goes on a date hoping to see me. And this is the first guy who's like equal to me who doesn't put me on a pedestal. He's got self respect.

[Wakeup]

He's playing you. If he wasn't you'd have been on several dates with him by now.

He's got you all upset because he's not working for you the way you thought would make him think you were different from other "girls." Well you're no different then any girl who does not have the self-worth to tell someone who is playing her to fk off.

If he wanted you, if he was into you then you'd not be here wondering what game he is playing with you and you, if you were mature and actually ready to be dating you'd not play the games you play to try and make a guy invested in you. You'd simply be a charming and intriguing self and that would interest him enough to want to learn more about you.

Forget him and start over. He's a player who plays you at your own game... You're losing.

[Lilia]

He's playing you. If he wasn't you'd have been on several dates with him by now.

He's got you all upset because he's not working for you the way you thought would make him think you were different from other "girls." Well you're no different then any girl who does not have the self-worth to tell someone who is playing her to fk off.

If he wanted you, if he was into you then you'd not be here wondering what game he is playing with you and you, if you were mature and actually ready to be dating you'd not play the games you play to try and make a guy invested in you. You'd simply be a charming and intriguing self and that would interest him enough to want to learn more about you.

Forget him and start over. He's a player who plays you at your own game... You're losing.

We couldn't go on several dates cos he lives in another country.
And he has business trips to my country once/twice a month.
But how is he playing me? Cos he cancelled the date? And what if he was really busy?
You think I am not interesting enough to make him interested in me?
Why is that? I have a life, work, friends and hobbies.
And now I am easily writing in English on the foreign forum when English isn't even my first language.
And I think I enjoy the drama that is going on right now.